Killer of intuition

I got the idea to create this from the ideals of Ken Robinson, and his theory on education

Mind under house arrest

Encased within walls, doors locked, windows barred

a forever shrinking reality with an infinite amount of questions

 

Mind longing for greener pastures

Sitting on a golden beach next to a Jamaican playing the funde

singing ‘Mi wan see ya whine’ with an infinite sense of satisfaction

and leaving others in a quiet serenity

 

A yearn for a more exotic notion of freedom has its daily

passing through the imagination leaving a routinely catatonic taste

in the mouth, prayer for future rehabilitation seems a sensible        

option as an emptiness is currently in existence

 

Yet what is left is a bare tree longing for its blossoms to bloom

and an infinite glacial drift past envious pastures

Fickle minds will fail to apprehend that it’s simply wishful thinking

as careless yawns are muttered when the time hits 4:15 and

everyone returns to their own sanctuary

Author's Note

I'm not fully satisfied so this may be altered

Reviews

[Victorious]

Dear Jayren,

I do not understand the title and the connection to the poem. Intuition is the ability to acquire knowledge without inference or sense of reason. The piece sounds like it is condemning education since there's a lot of negative imagery via "encased within walls" and "a forever shrinking reality." Im not sure if I understand his theory. Is it that education provides limited possibility? It sounds like a daydream, which is a bit unique lol, I always hear about nightmares. In that case, I would suggest you focus on the third stanza in which you are done explaining the scenario and when you daydream; it's kind of like an escape for the students inside. Perhaps elaborate on the metaphor of a prison since thats what the imagery looks like in the previous lines. I think that's the only one that needs revising, otherwise I get the picture of a bored student who wishes to be somewhere else.

Thanks for sharing!

Sincerely Victorious

God bless you!

[Raphh]

I enjoyed reading this poem, the structure and the words used :)

[Emilie Barn]

Really great poem =))

[Perfect Mistake]

Great poem for your mind seeking something but cant yet grasp it. Good work. Also like the name and the picture with this poem

[Nautili]

Sometimes the mind has to break through its limitations in circumstances by daydreaming, I remember doing that often while in school myself, and wondering why the clock ticked ever so slowly. Good, thoughtful write.

[Lily Mae]

You are so creative and direct.. You keep the interest and the flow is perfect.. I love it ..xo

[reflectingus]

I don't think this needs altering, there's this honesty in these words that are far too flawless to be adjusted, I think. And the theme, yes, this is basically our lives, stuck in our day-to-day mundane-ness that consumes us that we turn into dreamy zombies. Minds need to be opened, windows broken, and once again, imagination would flow. Great language and flow, excellent way of eliciting the message, well written.

[Monica]

This is beautifully creative, very well penned with great imagery! I love the first and second stanzas. I'm not so sure that I would alter anything, your words are perfect, as is the form. :)
Well done!

[Amila Jay]

It's a great write :))

[Renée]

You express yourself so well ...Looks great to me..