Bye bye

The inspiration for this came from the song 'Pretty Wings - from Maxwell'

You're fading
Standing there aimlessly in dispair
But all I can see is the shimmering glow that used to surround you departing
And my affection is hitch-hiking a ride

It feels like I've been kneeling before you with outstretched arms
And my hands perched in front of them
Begging you to give me something
So I know what to tell my feelings
Because I wish you would slow down sometimes
Just so you can see me smiling at you

But if I'm left with any humanity for a more happier me
After axing you from my world
I'll keep a single picture of you so I know that it was a good idea not to cut all the way through, because I know your wings won't leave you entierly.

Reviews

[An owl on the moon]

It ached for me just to read the title.. such a sorrowful letting go. And though I've said goodbye more times than I wish to remember, I am still made up of fragments of their recollections.

[~LadyWolf~]

You have a lot of deep emotion in this poem, so much that you can feel the pain ~ Very sad, and very well said ~ you can tell it's from the heart.

[Everett DeValle]

I really love your expressions and how your emotions flowed...a really deep write from the soul. Nicely done Jayren. Thank you for sharing.

[Melati]

This is very sad and very well expressed in this poem. I really love how you put the words together. It is nice flow. Well done!

[Lily Mae]

So deep and rich in sadness.. The love still being honored for what it was but also such pain in letting go..xo

[closed..acct]

this is sad and really emotional, nicely expressed

[Stammers]

I like your voice, how you just write - the way your lines form in connection with thoughts. I wouldn't change the format, I hate poetry that arranges its lines just because it looks more conventional or because its easier or more poetic or whatever else people say. This is my kind of writing, I just get the emotion of it more.

you might want to run this over spell check, other than that, nice.

[Cherrie]

I love this it is powerful a plea a poets remorse
one thought in line 8 how about changing tell my feelings to my soul

[Nautili]

This is really good. I think you could make the format more attractive, play with the lines more, break them where it is natural to pause.

"I will keep a single picture of you
for I know it is best not
to cut all the way through,
because I know your wings
won't leave you
entirely."