Learn to Move on

A Story by Jayden_edm

Hello, my name is Alex. A Lot of people now me as Jayden (not a lot but some). I have been going thru a lot these past three months hopefully this story can get out there and help

many people who are going thru what i'm going thru. Lets begin about six years ago (2010) i met this girl pretty awesome girl her name was Erika. We been dating for as you can guess six years we been thru a lot. I fucked up a lot i am not going to lie and i understand that i never appreciated her. I was being an a*****e, i was being needy. I had flaws ohhhh.. Did i have many flaws many… but i guess deep down i never wanted to lose her. I know i didn't tell her how much i loved her how much she meant to me. And over the years she just kept taking my bullshit and guess one day she just got tired of it. Oh man.. I begged, cried, called, etc; she just was so hurt she couldn't take it anymore know i understand that she was hurting. She didn't know what she felt she didn't know what she wanted, she just wanted to be on her own and me like a needy person didn't want to let her go because i didn't want her to go away because i wouldn't have nobody to open up to like i did to her all those times we laughed, we argued, we cried, we made love. Everything just came to mind and i didn't want to let go. I said that i will change i said that i will be different at the moment i didn't want to let her go because it hurt so much, it felt like a stabbing feeling in my stomach. I didn't know if i would change the only thing i felt at the moment was that i don't want her to go. What she told me was that she needed her time we gave each other a month supposedly. But the first two weeks i was devastated i couldn't eat i couldn't talk to anyone i couldn't concentrate at work i didn't focus on anything or anyone. I had her in my mind all day. Then i went to a club where she was at. I knew she was going to be there i went just to see her and see if we can work thing out; but come on!! two weeks!! it wasn't enough. I was still being needy. Two things happened that night which helped me out a lot (1) she went to another guys house to drink (2) she wanted to be friends at that moment. She only said that because i forced her into it. These two things helped me realize one thing she was gone, because she went to another guys house to drink and one thing i know for sure is that the guys she went with WERE my friends and those guys are the ones that would f**k anything with b***s and a*s. I always knew they had a thing for her. I always knew they wanted her but i had her and she never payed attention and i barely showed jealousy. But once i lost her man.. They were like wild animals they went after her, she was fresh meat to them. Guys the thought process i had back then was so bad. So that process came into kick after we stop trying to be “friends” i couldn't take it i was always wondering what she was doing so i ended up writing her what i thought was a love note. After i sent that note i instantly regretted it because it was a note for her to leave me alone. Which i didn't want but i ended up sending it to her. So i tried to explain to her that i want her in my life not to go away but she left me. So then the thoughts of her being with those guys came into mind i forced them to come into my mind so i can think she is with another guy so i can as well force myself to move on. It worked for a month the pain was getting less and less so then i decided to hit her up again this time asking if we can finally start over as true friends little did i know that text will come back and bite me in the a*s. So i sent her the message saying if we can be true friends she said no of course. She didn't want to know anything from me. But i didn't feel that much pain i was okay with it i told myself i tried and it was time to move on and do me so i did. I did so many amazing things the next couple of weeks. I became a student teacher. I found a new hobby taking pictures, bought my first camera and went to many cool places just to keep my mind busy. I was doing fine, i thought i was doing great. Yeah i had dreams about her and all that but that was normal. I felt great at days and other days i felt bad but i always kept my mind busy. But then on a Saturday she hit me up asking to be TRUE friends. Sound familiar because it was. That is what i asked her to be a couple of weeks prior. I wish i knew what her intentions were with that message but me like a little illusion-ed boy thought she was trying to get back together what a mistake everything came back all the pain and suffering i felt three months ago came back i was in rock bottom i am in rock bottom as i write this. For a few days we tried to be friends but i couldn't because i couldn't concentrate on anything. I was waiting for her to message me for us to talk man i was so illusion-ed. So that's when i was like i can't take it anymore i need to be straight up with my feelings and with myself. Like i told her, you can't be friends with someone you love you just can't. Yes i still love her i will always love her but i need to move on and that is what i was doing, moving on. She just had to hit me up i really wished she only hit me up to see if we can work things out then i wouldn't be writing this story but i feel like she only hit me up to hurt me more. That's it i let it all out in a Starbucks coffee i sent a message of how i felt we can't be friends we can't be anything but two things lovers or nothing. She choose nothing of course she came back into my life to f**k me up again. But no more i'm moving on for good i'm letting go for good. I have to start all over again but i will do it and i can do it. Just the moral of this story is either avoid this situation by treating your girl right or just move on after a break you will never be able to be friends. A quote from Two Night stand the movie which stood out to me a lot. “It’s like getting the toothpaste back into the tube you can't it is out there” in other words you can't just force yourself to forget the past it's there it happened you have to deal with it. Hopefully this helps out anyone going thru what i'm going thru and helps you move on. You can do it, i will do it. There is many fish in the sea as they say but first find yourself then you can find the right one. Have a great day and life guys enjoy your life enjoy your lover or just move on.

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