The world I have

I don't know it just cool I guess.

the world I have

Is the world you have 

and now I have found

that this one is round 

and I give it if only partly to you

and I I do not know why it is so for I love you

but yet here I am loving 

not knowing

so here I am if you want me

take me

and we'll be wonderful  

and possibly beautiful

  

Author's Note

Whatever you want to say will be great thank you.

Reviews

[Sir Joe]

I'll be very honest with my review as I always have been.

Whatever I say in my reviews, my primary purpose is almost always to encourage the writer to strive for betterment in terms of writing poetry. So please take this review of mine as a constructive criticism. Don't worry, I'll try my best to be euphemistic.

Anyone who reads this poem might probably give the same interpretation. Obviously, the poem is about love. It talks about how the poetic persona offers himself/herself to his/her beloved.

There are so many ways by which a writer can present that theme about expression of love to a beloved. And you, with all your consciousness, chose to present it that way (that is, the entirety of the poem). Now here's what I want to really get into. It is like you had this thought in mind, "I wrote a poem" and you also chose to write it that way -- "I wrote a poem". But I, as a person who claims to be a poet, would rather present it this way: "I dipped my pen into a bowlful of words and painted poetry". I hope you get my point now.

We all know that a poem traditionally contains the elements of rhyme, rhythm, and meter. Apparently, your poem is consistent with the rhyming pattern. In some ways, I find it good. It actually makes it sound like a poem. However, the rhyme scheme you employed here is so forced. It appears as if some lines' final words were forcibly put there only to fulfill the rhyme scheme consistency. I even find these lines superfluous and ridiculous:
"and now I have found
that this one is round"
Sometimes, when a poet focuses much on perfecting the structure, the content becomes a bit forsaken. And sometimes, it is vice versa. So it is important to balance the focus on both the content and the structure.

Also, it pays a lot to use other literary devices. Using rhyme as the only device in writing a poem will make it weak and less creative. Why don't you try utilizing a definite meter and rhythmic pattern?
You may also find images so helpful in invoking the imagination of the readers. Look at how effective sex articles are. The readers get so engrossed into reading the articles from beginning to end because these texts are mostly full of images that arouse theie imagination. So, pictures and scenes are what the readers see in those paragraphs, not merely words. There, you see the effectiveness of images.

Symbolisms are also helpful. They add depth to a literary work. Imagine this: a person who is about to give up sees a gleam of light piercing through the dark clouds and giving color to a flower nearby that is being struck by raindrops. What does the gleam of light tells us? Hope, right?

These are only a few of the several literary devices that a poet may use.

You must understand that effective writing cannot be achieved overnight. It is a journey. If you are willing to reach the destination, you should be determined to tread the path that never really runs smooth.


- Sir Joe

[Jayden Goodrem]

Thank you Sir Joe for this I shall try and use it as my writing grows.

[Sir Joe]

You are welcome. I know that the next time I read your work, I'll be smiling mainly because of some improvement in your writing style.