Falling Far From

I have given a lot of thought; I have undergone so much pain.

Is there any life out there? Have I traveled all in vain?

Can anyone restore me, Could you be the one?

Am I damned to an eternity of falling with the sun?

My passion is in flames, Love is distant as far as the moon.

Bullet through my reason, I will see God soon.

I am forever in the middle, heliocentric sorrow is.

I was born a Mr. and you will forever be an Ms.

Romeo and Juliet, I wish they never met.

Star crossed lovers from the start, Suicide, I will perfect the art.

Reviews

[Kaden Sylvers]

the sentiment & the idea is good, as is the whole poem in general, but maybe you could use stronger words....maybe replace "undergone" with something stronger....maybe weave in a couple metaphors....work on the rhythm....maybe change "I have" to "I've"...maybe play around with the words in "Have I traveled all in vain"...you could talk about the nown (the journey) being worthless instead of talking about the verb (just a suggestion)....overall just play around with the wording in this poem because the ideas and emotions are strong but it could be stronger with a rewrite.