The feeling isn't healing

I don't want to remember,
I don't want to know.
I don't like this feeling,
I wish that it would go.
It haunts me when I'm thinking,
It's there before I sleep.
I just wish it went away,
The thoughts are such a creep.
Normal questions arent normal,
I always think way back.
It never let's me think to myself,
The memories just seem to crack.
But it made me who I am today,
That is why I surely care.
I care so much about my peers,
And to them I wish I could share.
Friendship is taken for granted,
Around it is thrown.
But that is simply because,
You've never been alone.
Alone is not just yourself,
Alone is not just plain.
Alone is when nobody cares,
And you have built up pain.
Alone is being different,
Yet not accepting why.
Alone is when you try to sleep,
But all you do is cry.
I get asked a lot,
Why it is that I'm so nice.
But I have felt alone,
I have wanted to die.
I wish you understood,
I wish you knew the feeling.
No, I take that back..
The feeling isn't healing.