Weathered

Tritetra poem

Feelings grew shaped as weather;

born in heady atmosphere

of youthful spring, a wond'rous fling

filling my heart with delight.

Glorious cloud of cirrus

sweeping across life's skies,

fair-weathered wind, warm zephyrs send

rapture-blown heat through our nights.

Yet clouds are wont to gather

accumulate-- drifting low.

A certain squall, a total stall,

drenching torrent of goodbyes.

Seasons perpetual change

altered all dynamic climes

in temperate thought, a rainbow's sought

Spring's tears in summer are dried.

Author's Note

Word Bank Contest:  cirrus. atmosphere. shape. wind, blown, total
Form: Tritetra
At least three quatrains of 7-7-8-7

where the third line is Iambic Tetrameter with six words (two three-word phrases) that rhyme at the fourth and eighth  syllable.
Other lines need not rhyme.

Reviews

[Insight "MH"]

A warm feeling came while reading this, I felt like standing on a hill smelling the Jasmine and feeling the soft breeze. Thank you for this marvelous piece.

[JayceeC]

Thank you for reading. Glad that it instigated those peaceful thoughts

[Taylor]

You may not be able to affect my political bent, but you sure all swaying me regarding poetry. This piece as with so many other poems of yours speaks a tome beyond its lyrical brevity. Sends a mind spinning. You're so wise to be so young.

[JayceeC]

Ha Ha Ha...I may work on your political view for the next election. It's good to see that you have enough time to come and read these days, and remember I'm only young by comparison. Some days I feel as old as I sound. =D

[A. Amos]

I really enjoy the variations in your writing and last lines were mind blowing...awesome!

[JayceeC]

Thank you. I'm glad you enjoyed it.

[A. Amos]

You're most welcome my friend and I truly did.

[JC]

damn this is good, made me think of angelic springs, scent of winds and love and of change. Beautifully done.

[JayceeC]

Thanks for reading my friend. I'm glad you enjoyed it.
Good to see you around JC. I haven't been sending request much as life has been busy.

[Einstein Noodle]

wow! how delightful! it takes some real dedication to bring something like that off ... nice job ... going to read again .. to re-enforce the summer warmth on my cheeks ..nice work ma'am!
E.

[JayceeC]

Glad you felt a bit of sunshine on your face and the warm wind os Spring.

[Einstein Noodle]

yes ..this upper midwest before Spring is so grey and gloomy .. tho temps have risen to the 30's the chill still hits the bone ... the glow is coming soon tho ...right?????? :)

[JayceeC]

I wish I could send some of my 70's and 80's weather to you...If we could just spit the difference. =D

[Einstein Noodle]

yes indeed ..the graceful art of compromise ... but i am a sinner and doomed to suffer :}

[Nigel Newman]

Very impressed with this Jaycee. Done for a WC contest? It flows very well and is almost Shakespearian at times - almost thinking 'if it were done when 'tis done, then t'were well ....' I have absolutely no idea about pentameters or tetrameters but at the same time my mind recognised a structure sort of subconsciously whilst reading. I can just about 'get' haikus and have dabbled with those. I quite like the discipline of structure as it forces the writer to think very carefully about what they want to say and how to express it. Nicely done!
Regards
Nigel

[JayceeC]

Nigel, I developed the form after looking at some of my other work and discussions about phrases being 7-10 syllables in length. My natural rhythm seems to be 7 & 8, but yes, it's a metered piece so you feel it when reading even if you know nothing about structure. Other poets who have tried it tell me the third is the hardest, and it is, but it makes you truly focus on word choice as you say.
Thank you for your comment and the read. PS no the contest was on another site.

[Nigel Newman]

I had a go. It lacks the gravitas and emotional depth of yours, but having done it, maybe when the muse strikes me I'll draw upon this structure again ...

Tennis Club trauma recalled
Nothing to do with a ball
Messed up romance; Serves with no chance
Better be done with it all

Linda, my voice disappeared
Only the two of us there
No aces flew; Then you withdrew
Racquets with no-one to share

Silence, the clubhouse grew still
Nerves left me speechless until
You said goodnight; I dowsed the light
Went my own way down the hill

Now I can laugh at it all
Fifty years on from that day
But by that court; My double fault
Meant it all ended astray

Linda please Linda forgive
Fumbling and youthful inept
No sets of rules; I had no tools
Kicked the cat twice ‘ere I slept

Boy in a young man’s attire
Forehands and backhands supreme
Lacklustre churl; Quiet shy girl
Outcome; no sign that we’ll team

Interesting that lines 1, 2 and 4 need not rhyme. Actually I think lines 2 and 4 rhyming works best for me in this case - maybe not always. Rhyming all 3 is a bit of a straitjacket, for sure.

[JayceeC]

I like it, definitely not a bad first attempt. I think when I write then I actually here the first too lines as one with fourteen syllables or seven medical beats. Some of Todd do that. If you look at all of mine there had to be lyrical times between lines 2 & 4 sometimes it's repetition of a bowl sound and other times its harsh or soft consent sounds.
That said I really only see two form mistakes. ST 1 Ln 3 change "With no" to "without" to maintain the six word line. And you dropped the rhyme in line 3 of stanza four. However, I like the overall effect of this. I have a couple others in this form and need to try something lighthearted with it. I really liked the poem with or without its little wobbles. You definitely have a firm grasp on the requirements.

[Nigel Newman]

Thanks for the feedback and the friend request. I personally think the main difference between my effort vs the style you set out is that mine is more like a limerick, by which I mean it feels at times like a 9 syllable line cropped to 7, whereas yours feels very at home in its structure. Anyway, that's an observation for me to note and store. The other thing that made me chuckle was you saying 'court' and 'fault' don't rhyme; phonetically you would find a lot of Brits would pronounce both the same way, as in 'cawt' and 'fawt' e.g. someone like James Corden, Michael Caine, David Beckham.

[JayceeC]

LOL I was having this discussion on group message board this morning: bar, afar, spa We use a hard ARRR sound on the first two but an Ahhh sound on spa. I have a good friend from Wales who always debates who pronounces words more correctly. You guys also drop half of the word Vehicle to Vay'cl were we use Vee Hic le. So I do understand.

[Nigel Newman]

And of course, we're inconsistent, which really helps folk trying to learn English. 'ought' is the classic. But when it comes to contrived rhymes, my vote goes to 'Adieu .... to you and you and you', which might have been OK if they'd gone for 'aDEW', but instead they went for aD-YER then rhymed the 'you' with that. I love the Sound of Music but I cringe at that part - there's a couple of other cringe-inducing moments but that one's the worst!

[JayceeC]

Yes a very poor French accent there. You would think their nannies or at least their father could habe tutored them better...Lol

[Chris]

This was "fun" - some challenges ARE challenges.

[JayceeC]

I really should have taken out the capitalization of the key words when I posted...LOL, but yes I like making my brain work like this.

[Chris]

I did "such" thing long, long ago - til I got over it. Did keep a few "examples" though to remind me of my playfulness.

[JayceeC]

It keeps me writing on days I could just sit and stare at a blank screen because I don't feel much like reading either. This one gave me an excuse to write in Tritetra again, which is brain exercise for me. Saves me from the insanity of teaching high school.

[Chris]

We DO need our insanities - don't we...

[wordman]

well you nailed it,and made it sound great !

[JayceeC]

Thanks Ron!

[mattavelli]

Interesting form. Good luck in the contest!

[JayceeC]

Hi Matt. Thanks your reading and the wishes

[alifeacoustic]

Beautifully captured JayceeC. Yeah, call me old fashioned, but this one jumped off the page when I saw the title (we take our weather very seriously here), then on reading (you described my life, especially the penultimate verse, then wonder....Wondering why I never paid more attention at school, as your notes of what it is leave me with question mark eyebrows and an urge to put my hand up and say "Please Miss.....Huh?" :)
I really don't know anything at all about poetry other than what I like and this is wonderful. Good luck in the contest. I'm pretty sure you're in with a very good chance of winning it :)

[JayceeC]

Lol you can ignore the note. It's a form I developed, but only had one metered line because that's my discipline level for meters. I always pay the form when I use it or any form other than the basics. Some poets try them and others not so.
The title is what drew me to yours as well. I really should swing by your page more often.

[alifeacoustic]

I do get bamboozled easily I'm afraid, but it still takes nothing away from the work itself, which was superb. :)

[JayceeC]

Thanks Alfie. Can't believe we weren't friends already. We bump into each other quite a bit.

[alifeacoustic]

I know. I don't understand either as I was subscribed to your writing, which doesn't work because it hasn't shown anything new in a while. I need to pay more attention to these things, as I have the attention span of a gnat with dementia. :)