Morning Frost

A Tanka

Nature's clock bids me

come view her canvas anew

white crystals glist’ning

highlighted by virgin rays

the sparkle of Winter's breath

Reviews

[Scrap]

Such a wonderful way to start one's day before entering the hustle and bustle! You make a 'not' morning person want to wake up early.

[JayceeC]

i'm definitely a 2AM person, but have to we going for work. If we could only do night school for all high schools I'd be good.

[Scrap]

Haha...u wont believe it, it's nearly 2 am where im at right now. :P

[JayceeC]

Yes I would It was after 2 AM when I went to sleep and then I was up at 6.

[Taylor]

This is a jewel, Jaycee. So simple and graceful. Really exquisite.

[JayceeC]

Thanks dear friend, I'm hoping you are not feeling too frosty up there. X

[abderrahmane dakir]

So romantic, so beautiful to write about nature. Thank you for sharing this piece of art.

[JayceeC]

Thank you for reading and leaving such a warm comment.

[Taylor]

Actually we're having a heat wave. It was almost 60 today in Boston!

[Willard Wells]

Beautiful picture you have painted with great imagery. One of the few short verse you have done in a bit and so well done. Thank you for sharing a beautiful vision.

[JayceeC]

Thanks Willard. I'm not sure why I got away from the short forms, but perhaps because there were many posting them for a while, and sometimes haiku or tanka says it all.

[Willard Wells]

Well between reading this and you responding I did what I am calling Tanka. As you inspired me to try something new. So beyond your fabulous work, you have inspired another. What else could you ask for you complete your day. Peace out.

[Richard🖌]

Gosh, Jan, this is simply gorgeous!

I love the Japanese forms, because they challenge one to say so much with such brevity.
In a spot-on 5-7-5-7-7 count, you've painted an entire masterpiece into the canvas of my imagination, and I'm not all that easily penetrated. You brought my senses to life, engaging the aroma and taste of frost, glist'ning (love the elision), and the savoring sensation of sun's warming "virgin rays" (mmm), and you even gave Winter life with its "breath".

Yes, the turn caught me off guard; especially, after viewing the perfectly selected photo … I was not expecting "virgin rays" or "Winter's breath" … sheer strokes of genius.

You always amaze, with your versatility and vast repertoire of poetic form and skill.
Thank you, Jan, for this sweetly-versed moment shared! ⁓ Richard

[JayceeC]

I think the difficulty in writing Japanese forms of poetry is finding new ways to described something. They are so brief that if you're not careful you end up with something that reads like everyone else's. So my goal was new ways to describe the morning and frost, hence the sun is Nature's clock, first morning light are virgin rays and the frost the sparkling crystals formed when Winter exhaled. That was inspired by my own breath that morning in the cold. Unfortunately, I didn't write this immediately and the sun was melting the frost when I took the picture.

[Richard🖌]

Hah!
Jan,
I think you've hit on the challenge with most everyone's poetry, but I definitely agree with you even more-so on the brief and simple Japanese forms.
Although, I've written literally hundreds of pieces in every conceivable Japanese form, I've never quite mastered even one, but it seems you've advanced beyond that point.

[JayceeC]

There are definitely technical issues here (mainly line relationship rules) for traditional tanka, but it still works as Western Tanka. Since this was just an exercise to get me to write something before my stress-levels exploded (see Email), I'm fine with this product.
I'm flattered that you think I've mastered it on any level.

[Angelheart1]

Jaycee, this Tanka is beautifully presented in form and is very visually appealing. Your words have left me with actually feeling and smelling the freshness that the "Morning Frost" brings.

I haven't been able to visit WC due to Life obligations but hope to read more of your words soon and I may even try a Tanka myself. : )

Keep yourself safe & warm,
Angelheart

[JayceeC]

I totally understand obligations, and I have slowed down a bit dire to mine also, but I do try to visit those who visit me. I would love to read a Tanka that you have written.

[dan]

Although I hate driving in it, the landscape drawn by Nature in the snow is breathtaking! Your piece evokes that spirit of the snowcaps and frost-tipped leaves. The picture you chose to accompany your writing is so peaceful and languid. Nature's art at its finest. Very nicely written, Jan. take care...dan

[JayceeC]

Thanks Dan. The photo was from my phone this morning after I wrote this. Hope yuppie not having to deal with too much.snow this winter.

[dan]

Jan, please send me read requests. I love reading your work but have a hard time keeping up with all my friends' new writes. Again, beautiful work here. take care...dan

[JayceeC]

Will do. I've not been sending recently because I turned my own off. I can't stand for requests to build up, but haven't had time or inclination to do a lot of reviews.

[dan]

Maybe send me a message when you post a new one. I'm one of your biggest fans. I just want to read your work. You don't even have to review mine. take care...dan

[jacob erin-cilberto]

and it is still the beautiful painting, until it melts...and then we deal with the slush...what looks like half-eaten snow---kind of like people...innocence in youth, virgins of life---but then the heavy snows of consequence that make us grow up---and then go through the melting ourselves.

[JayceeC]

Lol. Love your interpretation of this. At the very least were a bit burnt and dehydrated from the experience. This was really not so metaphorical, just reaction to this morning's frost, but looking at it from other angles.....
May that.which is beautiful in its child jaded isolation, that melts and shows it's flaws and ugliness when touched or compared in the light of innocence. Lol you will have me coming up with a load of BS for what was no more than an exercise to relieve boredom as I waited for my husband in the truck his morning.

[ANTO]

Hi Jan - your imagery skills are beyond reproach. This is enchanting.

I miss the tanka form around here. It used to be so common.
:))

[JayceeC]

FT is gone. He used the form quite a bit and I think others followed his lead. I find writing in Japanese forms helps me if my work feels like it's becoming too wordy. This one is not perfect for eaten Tanka, but passes in western Tanka. Thanks for reading Anto.

[ANTO]

Kind of like a poetry palate cleanser

[Aswin R Prasad]

Loved how you gave detail to each line in the poem..

Keep writing.. It was short and sweet..

Hope to read more of your works in the near future :)

[JayceeC]

Tanka is a Japanese form much like haiku with specific rules but basically 5-7-5-7-7. This one follows only the pattern. Thanks for reading and commenting.

[Aswin R Prasad]

I don't know much about the tactical side of poetry and i stay on the unorthodox side of it..
But really loved it..Thanks for the information! :)