For S.R.

sometimes love is not what it appears

Splendiferous, once was love;

it’s heights a peak of madness:

A burning need, a flow’ring seed

blooming with passion’s delight.

Difference seems to balance.

Weaknesses offset by strength.

A missing part connects two hearts,

Imperfect, but now complete

Hope and dreams unimagined

take root and begin to grow

with focused beam upon the scene--

a future slowly unfolds.

Day by day the living starts;

small quirks begin to annoy.

Somehow you find, through daily grind,

wide fissures and cracks appear.

First, comes the stiff, cold-shoulder;

then, talking turns to silence.

Throughout the room, pervades a gloom,

the pall of love in death's vice.

‘Til all that’s left is walking

despite certain  pain and fear--

a heart bereft with no hopechest

to sustain it on the way.

Now prayers of intercession

Erupt from faint heart and lips,

a healing spell, curing the ills:

Holy balm for what afflicts.

One day, Love will stroll back in

to mend emotional wounds;

Transformed by grace, upon the face

of a soul in need of rest.

Hold strong to your faith, my friend

when the darkness overwhelms.

Until such time, you’ll ever find

my friendship is always near.

Author's Note

Second poem with this original form.
7-7-8(4-4)-7 with line three being six words with internal rhymes with words three and six.

Syllable counter is counting the word 'comes" as two syllables, if you can tell me why, I'll change it.

Reviews

[sinNsincerity]

HI Jan, this gave me a lot to think about. Which great poetry does.
Love is a beautiful thing when it happens, but this came off more sublime to me.
I love that and in the end- 'tis beautiful.
-David.

[Insight "MH"]

I am not an expert on form, but I do think myself as an expert on feelings, so, to me, this was a soothing read, it brought to my heart warmth and the feeling of being safe.

[JayceeC]

That was the intent of this poem, so mission accomplished.

[Tom]

A friend in need is a friend indeed !

Love can wax, wane and even dwindle, but with an open mind it can and will always rekindle even when least expected!

Nicely penned Jaycee, 'love' form, style and flow of this poem in unison with the above comments....The complete package !

[JayceeC]

Tom thank you for your review of this. Yes, love can be a strange thing with its highs and lows. I'm still not sure I love working in this form, but this one turned out okay. I'm still trying to perfect it.

[annalysiar]

I can't think of a name, or a word, your poem was nicely done. Beautifully captured images. It was a great read

[JayceeC]

Thanks much for the kind words. I've a few ideas for a name. It'll come.

[annalysiar]

You are more than welcome, alot of times the names come to us last it happens 😉

[Richard🖌]

Jan,
A few changes in wording and elision are in order to accommodate truer spot-on rhymes and proper count, word spacing, and punctuation for proper grammar.
I’ve given considerable thought to the ease of read and flow of your new form (which I love your creative intent), and a name suggestion, as-well: “Trifecta” comes to mind, as every third line has a winning double-rhyme.
I have three original forms with double-rhymes, so I definitely am attracted and partial to them. ; )
I see the third lines are in iambic tetrameter throughout, except V6L3 begins in trochaic beat, with “A scarred FLESH with NO hope CHEST.”
Genuine love seeks not but satisfaction for its own sake, and will not be swayed or discouraged to the point of dissolution. It may suffer lows and discouragements, but it will always rise to newer, more firm and resolute highs than ever; so, never give-up on love, as it will gift you treasures you never would have believed possible.
Ohhh, I so love this, Jan, as it speaks with a voice so pure and true … the voice of a woman who's "been there, done that!"

Jan, M’Dear, I hope I’ve served you well in some meaningful way. Any questions or any way you think I can help further, just tap me on the shoulder.
Hugs 'n brightest blessings of many thanks, Dear Texas Lady-Poet! ⁓ Richard

[JayceeC]

Richard your reviews are always helpful and I'm carefully looking at the line changes you sent me by email. I settled the "Differences" issue here (changing it to the singular) and like it better than truncating the word. not sure what I want to do with the spell/ills piece though. I may just rewrite and spell/fails in not much better to me, since the long a sound is harsh to my ears. Octameter or tetrameter? There are eight syllables but only four metric feet. Anyway I get your meaning and thank you for taking the time.

BTW- we played football down your way in Mathis a few weeks back. Texas isn't as big as it seems when it comes to football...lol

[Richard🖌]

Thanks for the nice compliment, Jan! : )
You are welcome, but it is You I thank.
OOPS! Tetrameter: I stand corrected … I had in my head 8-syllables as 8 metric feet. Some poetry teacher, eh? LOL!
Well, "spell" and "fail" have the same rhyme sound; perhaps, consider switching the order of fail and spell(?). Just needs a more spot-on rhyme, I think, but "spell" and "ill" aren't all that far apart, slant rhyme-wise, that is.
"Difference", a good compromise.
Who really cares all that much, Jan, when a poem is as splendidly crafted and meaningful as this one is, unless you're after perfection.
Aw shucks, I missed you down here … who won?
Dang, Gal! You mean you were only 14-miles away and I didn't even know it?
Now, I'm all whiney … LOL!

[JayceeC]

LOL HB won that game. I really will have to contact you next time I'm down that way.
I'm always after perfection although slant rhyme, or near rhyme will occasionally do. But If you look back at the first one there was an assonance tie through the stanzas. I will work on the Troche. That absolutely cannot happen in a third line. I can tell I became lazy writing this one out.

[Richard🖌]

How 'bout the "Trifecta" title suggestion?

For the fun of it, consider this for flow:

Difference seems to balance,
weaknesses offset by strength,
as missing parts connect two hearts;
imperfect, but now complete.

[JayceeC]

I like the change. It's subtle but better.
I've really been thinking a "Refraction" because the third line seems to bend or change the tempo. When I think of a trifecta I think the parts do something that has three separate forms or parts lime Tanks, Refraction, senryu...could be interesting. . We need too developer something that works well together, making three separate forms that fit easily.

[Richard🖌]

How about "Tritetra", to designate the Third Line is in Iambic Tetrameter, and as far as I know, it's never been used.let's say a poem with a minimum of three verses.

"TRITETRA"
An original form by
JayceeC, the Marvelous Texas Poetess
©2015

With the following requirements:
Three 4-line Quatrain verses minimum.
Lines 1, 2, and 4 are 7-syllables each, w/no rhymes.
Line 3 of each verse is in Iambic Tetrameter (8-syllables or 4 metric feet),
with a 4th and 8th syllable rhyme as follows:
Syllable-counts: 7/7/4-4/7
Rhyme scheme:
Line 1: xxxxxxx
Line 2: xxxxxxx
Line 3: xxxaxxxa
Line 4: xxxxxxx

Line 5: xxxxxxx
Line 6: xxxxxxx
Line 7: xxxbxxxb
Line 8: xxxxxxx

Line 9: xxxxxxx
Line 10: xxxxxxx
Line 11: xxxcxxxc
Line 12: xxxxxxx

Etc; no limit to number of verses.

[Richard🖌]

This is fun, thinkin' out loud. : )

[JayceeC]

Yes but the third line is only six words. So maybe, I rewrite the hope-chest line. It has seven technically.

[Richard🖌]

It's not the numbers of "words", jan, ibut the syllable-count (feet) iambics is concerned with.

[Richard🖌]

For instance:

"a DEEP-scarred FLESH, with NO hope CHEST"

changes the iambics and make the count and beat correct.

[JayceeC]

Yes bit notice it's the only one that is not done in eight syllables in six words three words per rhyme phrase. I think I want to keep it since it add to the trifecta structure. Lol.

[AaronFreitas]

I love the poem and the format... I am sure it was a challenging write although the way you maneuver through the lines was smooth and had great flow. The best part was maintaining awesome content... I could read the words and relate to the way I have experienced love not being what it appears. Not sure why comes is counting as 2 syllables... I pulled it up online on howmanysyllables.com and it says it's supposed to be 1. Awesome write Jan :)

[JayceeC]

I think I need to pull up a different syllable counter, although the one I used was nice because it separated the syllables per line. Very helpful for metered poetry. Glad you enjoyed it Aaron and can relate.
So how are you doing? Has life settled down a bit?

[AaronFreitas]

It's settled somewhat... my girls have been living with me this first half of school but moving back with mom soon which sucks. Girls need their mom but they have been so happy here. We will see how it plays out hopefully they move back soon. Other than that I can't complain :)

[JayceeC]

I hope that situation settled down soon. Girls are fine with dads too. Just be ready for those awkward questions and situation.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

when the passion wears off some...how strong is the relationship underneath...most importantly the friendship being strong...that will help the couple get through the rough spots...the passion will find its way back.

[JayceeC]

Thanks for reading Jacob. Passion can mask all of the potential issues underneath until all that is left is a heartbreak. Perhaps I need to change up the last or add a stanza as the friend is a bystander.
What did you think of the form? I think Resuscitation turned out perhaps a bit more smooth, but I'm not sure why. Any comments or suggestions there?

[jacob erin-cilberto]

the form seemed to work fine...i always concentrate on content moreso...and the form didn't distract me from that, so yes, it worked...

[ANTO]

Hi JayceeC

1/ Syllable counter is mad
2/ Name the form 'enigmatic style' (*see below for explanation)

*I googled this "7-7-8-7 poem style" and the first returned result included this piece of text "7:7–8:7; (supplement: three enigmas)" - ergo "enigmatic style"

have you tried "First comes..." - minus the comma? just as a experiment to see if the syllabub-counter changes its mind?

[CD Campbell]

I know all about all that stuff. I wish I didn't. Why can't love be all unicorns and rainbows? As far as the form goes, I love it. It's different and shakes things up. I love experimenting with forms. Boom. 8th stanza, first line. Love with stroll or Love will stroll? You expect the second and fourth line to rhyme when you start to read it, and when it doesn't, it throws you and expects you to pay attention. I didn't pay attention to meter, didn't feel I had to. It felt right.

[JayceeC]

8th stanza- Okay not sure why that changed in this version, as it is right on the other sites. Some of the stanzas have internal rhyme or assonance between lines 2 and 4, but I wanted the words to be the focus.
As for meter, all of the third lines are Iambic, but I let the others flow. They're a true mash up.
I'm thinking of calling it "Refracted Verse" because the third line forms a change of pace and flow. what do you think?

[CD Campbell]

I think that's awesome. It's what we should be doing as poets. Playing with the rules and bending them to our will. I'm still stuck on the Viking thing. ARGHHHHH!

[JayceeC]

Well don't get me going there, or I'll be playing" Ride of the Valkyries" and sharpening spears. My grandfather was Swedish from the old country. Lots of Viking blood there. Blood being the operative word. I think its why I have a hard time backing down from an argument. Die on your convictions...and all that.
Maybe you'll get me writing about something new though. That would not be so bad.

[CD Campbell]

No it wouldn't.

[Willard Wells]

The best I can do today is tell you the work is beautiful and does cover the pains of challenges in a relationship to the point that you must move on. Love like tides has ebbs and flows, Well done.

[JayceeC]

Thanks Willard. Just knowing people found it easy to read is helpful. If you stammer through the form, then it needs to be changed a bit.

[Willard Wells]

Maybe it's just me, but it worked fine.