The Next Step

Children: My greatest joy and heartbreak

Watching you,
My heart races with trepidition.
Your excitement
Leaves frothy trails in your wake
As you move toward a new adventure.
Uncaring of the costs or potential dangers,
You embrace the future-
Arms flung wide.

And I,
I stand back,
Unwilling to disturb such pure joy;
The delight of discovering your next steps.
Flashbacks,
Of an infant at my breast;
A face glowing because I'm there;
A laugh of devilment
Trip through my mind.
My heart bears one more fissure 
In your name, yet...
I smile with pride
Hiding boundless fears;
Damming the tears just below the surface.

You grin,
Jauntily waving one last goodbye
As you leap toward the unknown,
Eager to leave my side.
A mantra,
Our ritual parting,
Repeats in my heart--
A warding spell against
Evil
"I love you forever, Mom."
"I love you, 
Forever, Baby."

And time moves on....

Author's Note

This is an older write the was actually written when my oldest son went in to have adenoids and tonsils removed at age three. He viewed it as an adventure.

Reviews

[Nadia Gerassimenko]

I had those removed too...but that was not an adventure to me...more like three doctors holding me down like I am a mental case! Haha. At least, I don't remember the pain (no anesthesia or anything like that).

I like that in this poem you are vague enough that it can be interpreted in a context...such as your child going to high school for the first time or your child leaving your next to go make his own. We can only relate to the feelings which you bare here, that by the way are really powerful. Especially the last lines in your third stanza. I could not help it, but they pierced me and I got teary-eyed. Also, I could feel the conflict between freedom and restraint. You wanting to keep nurturing your baby and protecting him from all harm...but you know that if you do that, your baby will never learn to be on his own, so you let him be and watch from afar, him embarking on his adventures.

[JayceeC]

The last lines are from a Robert Munsch book "I Love Your Forever" that was passed around out family from the time my oldest niece was born in the late 80s.
I'll love you forever,
I'll Like you for always,
As long as I'm living, my baby you'll be.

Caleb had a hard time understanding love and forever..so it became a game of sorts to help him grasp forever. "I love you forever...longer than the dinosaurs roamed the earth." At age 4 he knew every one ever identified, there approximate heights and the times in which they existed and when and where they were discovered. As he grew older, we just shortened it.
He's 15 and still says it. I'm hoping that never changes.

[Nadia Gerassimenko]

Oh that is so cool. Learning this! Thank you :). That is so sweet and cute that he does. I also hope it does not change!

[E G TEN]

Sucg a statement you always holds and shares it to all of us
with pride and joy, thanks for sharing such a wonder of a piece!;)

[JayceeC]

Thanks EG. I appreciate it. Please send me some requests..I'm much better with those than getting to friends pages.

[Carrie.]

I am in awe of how fearlessly my oldest daughter conquers her world.

Beautiful, because every mother can see themselves here.

[JayceeC]

I have several of these writes on the same theme at different points in my children's lives. there is always awe with a bit of trepidation thrown in for good measure.

[Carrie.]

My mother writes like that even during our teen years. I don't write about my children so often. Maybe there's a challenge for me there...

[JayceeC]

I think that was one of the things that drew Arden and I to each others works when you were a kid. Poems about pow wow's that one and the pics of you and your sister in your regalia was memorable. We were also both angry at men. I went to her page the other day and laughed, boy we were spewing feminine rage in those early days at Elite.

[Michele Harman]

Another fantastic poem. It was not as moving as the other one but still fantastic.

[JayceeC]

Michele, sorry it took so log to get back to this. I think it's the difference in emotion that makes the other a stronger write. Thank you for your honest opinion! Jan

[bhavaniVdev]

The "mantra" lingers in my heart...it's so overwhelming! I don't have a 1st hand experience as a mom, but I can feel it by reading b/w the lines. Moms are juz Divine. Juz loved the poem...n' my Amma

[JayceeC]

As a parent, you can only capture little moments and hold them to your heart. Time will make anything else impossible as children go forward with their lives. I'm glad you enjoyed and apologize for it taking so long to get back with you. Jan

[BougaTimeBongo]

This is great because while you wrote it when your child wasn't feeling well, it can be applied to the departure of a child in nearly any case. Lovely.

[JayceeC]

yes, I think this one is less specific than A Mother's Fear and translates well for all parents.

[Pushkar Prabhat]

very touching.........heartfelt........passionate......
i can only imagine what my mother goes through......everytime i leave home....
beautiful poem!!!
i loved it!!!
:)

[JayceeC]

I'm sure she says a prayer and then worries until you're back under her roof.

[Pushkar Prabhat]

so true.......and i pray to be back soon!!! :) :)

[AaronFreitas]

Very touching write Jan... my kids would view it as torture camp and scream bloody murder! haha good work :)

[JayceeC]

He was good until he came out of the anesthesia. Then he screamed bloody murder until they thought they would have to sedate him again before he did permanent damage to the throat they had just operated on..LOL never a dull moment.

[Perkele.7885]

I detect trust or fear issues for your loved ones. You have inherent worries and fears and you are projecting those fears esp. onto your children. Your issues are deep rooted. The poem is is a window but,it is not a cry out for help. What we are seeking here is validation or understanding!

[JayceeC]

Just the headlong run of the innocent into things that are potentially dangerous. this was him bouncing around the waiting room before they took him back for surgery. Scared..well yes, my three year old was going under anesthesia and being put under the knife...that's enough to scare the bejesus out of this mom.

[Perkele.7885]

I was review your poem blind because I know nothing of the makeup of your family so I was just trying to feel your poem out on what I felt it might be!

[JayceeC]

I know that Raj. This is the first look you guys are getting into my family other than the Not Me poem. I deliberately let people get to know me before I throw out writes about my children. A lot of this is why I quit writing for a while. I needed to be a mom, more than a writer, and did not have the energy for both.

[Perkele.7885]

I know priorities prevail. Writing is a good outlet for stress related matters. All you need is an ear that listens, has concern when you require it, and is open to your needs with no hidden agendas

[wordman]

a touching write jc,a mother`s love
and with all the ice cream afterwords was an adventure for him,i`m sure

[JayceeC]

Well the aftermath was two hours of screaming as he fought the anesthesia, and three popsicles across the room..LOL. He was not so happy on return from this one.

[wordman]

sound`s like he was mad,he was tricked

[JayceeC]

read comment to other poem you'll understand...same child.