Homecoming

There are some journey's you should always return from

I'm turning away
from all annihilating the heart;
mauling the soul
until I am hollowed. 

I'll return to my glen
in the midst of orange blossom arbors 
cheerful daffodils and trumpet vines;
within its solid oak's embrace.

Though there be serpents
their poison is known to me
and will run its course. If bitten
the toxins' cure is always at hand.

The journey has been arduous,
the excitement leaving bruises,
but no permanent scars--
I am so very weary.

I am coming home
to love's soft blanket
Tossed beneath the oak's branches
In gently dappled sunshine.

I am turning back--
I am coming home.

Author's Note

Take your pick for comments:
1. Be honest.
2. Try not to give only compliments.
3. How did it make you feel?
4. Why did it make you feel that way?
5. Which parts?
6. What distracted from the piece?
7. What was unclear?
8. What does it remind you of?
9. How could it be improved?
10. What would you have done differently?
11. What was your interpretation of it?
12. Does it feel original?

Reviews

[CD Campbell]

I felt the author decided to turn back from a mistake or a different train of thought that was giving her some type of guilt. The snake in the glen represented the pain of coming back to what is comfortable, but is something that can and will be endured. I was able to follow the train of thought quite easily for my own sake even if I maybe way off in my interpretation. Didn't like the line about the anti-venom though, it didn't flow for me. I don't think the journey was enjoyable, but needed to be done for self perspectives sake? " I am so very weary". CD

[JayceeC]

CD I can see how anti-venom may interrupt the flow, so any suggestions? I was thinking urgent care or perhaps just care. BTW- oldest son was bitten by a cottonmouth at age 8..it is truly a horrible experience..days in the hospital.
And yes some journeys must be made for perspective and renewal..not all are enjoyable..Therapy was not.
Your interpretation is a good one, and close to my original intent in writing...the snakes ar problems to be overcome at home..going back to add a word to last full stophe..tell me if think it adds and connects or was unneeded.

[CD Campbell]

I think your edit works. My mother was bit by a copperhead a long time ago. Not as venemous, but a scary situation. I'll read this a few more times, but take my view a long with the others. Does it feel finished to you? CD

[Perkele.7885]

You are coming home on empty, your heart and soul have taken a tremendous beating and you need to recover. Apparently your either a bonnie lass or an Irish Lass returning to your glen. I do not get why you are emphasizing the snake information as it does not add to the piece. You're damaged from where you have been, you are tired from your trip home, damn the snakes, you're taking comfort in the foliage and trees in your glen. #6 unnecessary #7 needed more information as to your need to return home now
#9 The poem is going to be good when you get the cart behind the horse; your story seems fragmented here and there to me

[JayceeC]

Thanks for that honest assessment. I will edit this when I am not tired. I have not been sleeping and the insomnia is catching up with my ability to write in fluid thought. Perhaps another stanza or two to flesh it out a bit will help.
I'll also add an authors notes. Orange blossoms are a traditional flower for weddings, so this is not about a place, it's about people. Will go back and edit this one in due time and repost.

[Karen Arizona]

Your poem is definitely poetic, Jaydee. I like it but I had to read it several times for it to really sink in. Returning home, with an empty heart, to find the sun again has a good theme. "Home" means different things to different people. If "home" is the "heart," in this poem, I'd be confused, returning to it when it was hollow. Thanks for sharing.

[JayceeC]

That's where the first two words are important...turning away and turning back towards. Home was not hollow but my soul..yes. In a few days I may comeback and explain all the symbolism, although some are classic. Thanks for reading and reviewing.

[wordman]

yeah it does that sometimes,just try again