Homecoming

There are some journey's you should always return from

I'm turning away
from all annihilating the heart;
mauling the soul
until I am hollowed. 

I'll return to my glen
in the midst of orange blossom arbors 
cheerful daffodils and trumpet vines;
within its solid oak's embrace.

Though there be serpents
their poison is known to me
and will run its course. If bitten
the toxins' cure is always at hand.

The journey has been arduous,
the excitement leaving bruises,
but no permanent scars--
I am so very weary.

I am coming home
to love's soft blanket
Tossed beneath the oak's branches
In gently dappled sunshine.

I am turning back--
I am coming home.

Author's Note

Take your pick for comments:
1. Be honest.
2. Try not to give only compliments.
3. How did it make you feel?
4. Why did it make you feel that way?
5. Which parts?
6. What distracted from the piece?
7. What was unclear?
8. What does it remind you of?
9. How could it be improved?
10. What would you have done differently?
11. What was your interpretation of it?
12. Does it feel original?

Reviews

[CD Campbell]

I felt the author decided to turn back from a mistake or a different train of thought that was giving her some type of guilt. The snake in the glen represented the pain of coming back to what is comfortable, but is something that can and will be endured. I was able to follow the train of thought quite easily for my own sake even if I maybe way off in my interpretation. Didn't like the line about the anti-venom though, it didn't flow for me. I don't think the journey was enjoyable, but needed to be done for self perspectives sake? " I am so very weary". CD

[JayceeC]

CD I can see how anti-venom may interrupt the flow, so any suggestions? I was thinking urgent care or perhaps just care. BTW- oldest son was bitten by a cottonmouth at age 8..it is truly a horrible experience..days in the hospital.
And yes some journeys must be made for perspective and renewal..not all are enjoyable..Therapy was not.
Your interpretation is a good one, and close to my original intent in writing...the snakes ar problems to be overcome at home..going back to add a word to last full stophe..tell me if think it adds and connects or was unneeded.

[CD Campbell]

I think your edit works. My mother was bit by a copperhead a long time ago. Not as venemous, but a scary situation. I'll read this a few more times, but take my view a long with the others. Does it feel finished to you? CD

[Willard Wells]

It read more as a personal journey. Since it was so different from what I have read of yours before, my expectations were already set and then I found it was a bit different and less cutting edge. This is not bad, but I need to approach my reading each of our pieces as stand alone and take my expectation out of it. I did like it. I do not feel I can add any truly constructive ideas for change to you and I thing as CD mentioned, it is a matter if you feel it is complete and feels right to you.

[jeannemarie coulter]

a beautiful tribute to the healing power of "coming home" for the heart and soul...blessings live in thee...

[JayceeC]

Thanks for stopping by to read and review. ~jc

[Coyote Poetry]

I was a soldier for 15 years. I left many things behind.
"I am turning back--
I am coming home."
I truly believe and know. You can't return from where you left. People change and bad words and actions cannot be forgiven. Thank you for sharing the excellent poetry.
Coyote.

[JayceeC]

Those are the snakes in the glen, but it does not make everything about home a horrible place. To me it's the people who love you anyway. But separation and the life of the military...sighs..yah..my dad was a career marine, so I know.

[Pushkar Prabhat]

honestly...
this is exceptionally beautiful......
i felt like coming home....after being gone on a wrong path for long.....
i have been lost on such paths.....
where people tried "annihilating the heart;" every para was relateable in some way.....
no distraction......i was homebound!
this: "What was unclear?" i don't know if i missed something.......
it reminds of wrong decision and difficult times.....
no improvements needed.....
i have a totally different style( that is what i believe).........
a person after facing difficulties due to some wrong decisions......finally returning home.....to pleasant thoughts....to rest and begin again.....
yup this is a unique approach......
thank you.......
:)

[Delmar Cooper]

8. What does it remind you of?

I am reminded of several things which I have seen, read, or heard. These things were all about death and addressed it in a somber but almost affectionate manner. Perhaps not affectionate as much as accepting without fear.

[JayceeC]

I'm always interested in hearing what my work stirs in other's minds. This was written about a spiritual journey or looking for things long lost and finding more comfort in the familiar, than death. But I also see your POV on death, for hopefully, it is a return journey home also. ~Jan

[Delmar Cooper]

The reminiscent pieces that your story brought to mind were "return journey" themed, yes. The tune Carrickfergus was one another was a DosPassos (?) story about a body shipped home. The other, not about death at all but about a return of a man to a home from which a much younger man fled years ago ,Willa Cather's "The Bohemian Girl." But your work is original and from now own it will have its own memory.

[JayceeC]

ahh thanks for the enlightenment have Dos Passos "Adventure of a Young Man" and Cather yes have read and do see the parallels.

[BougaTimeBongo]

Your imagery is impeccable. The only piece that tripped me up a little is the third/fourth line of the third stanza.
and will run its course. If bitten
urgent care is always at hand.

For some reason the urgent care piece tripped me up, pulled me out of the flowing and powerful imagery. I'm not sure what you can do there, but just my thought.

Otherwise, I think you've done a really nice job of creating a home in the woods to return to, a place in Earth that is welcoming and warm and beautiful. I think the imagery of this is the most powerful point of this poem.

[JayceeC]

BTB- that line is still tripping me up then. It was Anit-venom is at hand...maybe just change it to "loving care" or just "care"? Or is it the whole snakebite image that's the problem?

[BougaTimeBongo]

No no, the snakebite is good, it's just how to address the cure to the poison. What about
read moreNo no, the snakebite is good, it's just how to address the cure to the poison. What about

and will run its course. If bitten
the cure to its toxin is always at hand.

?? I don't know, something along those lines. I think integrating something about the toxicity of the poison might help keep it connected and flowing.

[JayceeC]

Better??? I tried to keep the thought but still same style.

[BougaTimeBongo]

I think so, at least I found it flow a bit better!

[RiverRei]

I loved this. I could feel the emotion and adventure within. I loved the almost carelessness of the journey; treacherous and dangerous (as described with serpents). I could also almost smell the daffodils and the rest of the glen as you described it. I almost feel like you are on a journey to find yourself and always return back to the place called home :) I loved it, thank you so much for sharing this with me!!!

[JayceeC]

You are welcome River. Glad you enjoyed it and got something out of it, and yes, we all go on those journeys. Hugs ~Jan

[AaronFreitas]

To me it reminded me of home being where my family is. I have gone away and explored, been married and had kids. When we split I went to stay with my dad for a while until I recently got my own place which is also out on my families ranch. I've been through a lot and experienced a lot but none it broke me. I am home with my family, my girls are with me a lot and to me it feels like home... feels like a homecoming.

[JayceeC]

I think a lot of people go on the journey Aaron. and life has a way a beating us around a bit while we're out there. home to me has always been where my family is. and even with a few snakes or problem, it's still better then that road I was on.I'm glad you got to return from your journey.

[AaronFreitas]

:) You can always message me if you ever want to talk about your journey :)

[wordman]

turning away from your feelings of the heart--back home during the spring--even though some enemies are there but we can overcome the bite---a hard road back with many bruises to show---tired of the fight coming home to peace

[JayceeC]

That's pretty much it in a nutshell wordman.

[wordman]

see even an old country red neck can siffer lol
did you get the video

[JayceeC]

I haven't tried it yet but the first tim I tried when posting it just gave me a blank photo icon. Will get there in a few to edit.