I Wish you Wouldn't Leave

I woke to the sounds of rain on the roof of my house. I turned to get out of bed dreading having to work in the rain when my wife sat up and said “Don’t go to work today.”

I looked at her and asked “Why not?”

She looked down at her hands, tears in her eyes and said “When you leave I am scared that you won’t return. Last night I had a nightmare that you went to work and died.”

Looking at her I said “I have to go to work.”

She hugged me from behind and said much more urgently this time “Please, don’t go to work today.”

I got up and walked to the closet and pulled out a pair of jeans and a shirt and put them on I sat back on the bed and reached underneath and grabbed my boots and pulled them on. I turned to her to try and reassure her. Her lips met mine and I could tell she was terrified of losing me. Her hands which held my face were shaking slightly. When she pulled away she said quietly “I know I can’t make you stay. But, I’m pleading with you. I’m begging you don’t leave me today.”

I looked her in the eyes and I lost my will to resist her and go to work anyway. I said “Ok, I won’t go to work today. I’ll stay here with you.”

She smiled weakly and whispered “Thank you.”

I kissed her and wrapped her in my arms and said “I love you.”

She pressed herself into me and I laid back into the bed. I kissed her and held her till she wasn’t scared anymore and said “I need to call my boss and tell him I won’t be there today. She let me up and I walked down the dark hall to the kitchen and grabbed the phone from the receiver and dialed my boss and told him “Hey sir. I won’t be in today.”

My boss sighed and said “Alright, why not?”

I breathed deeply and said “My wife is sick today. I need to be here to help her out.”

My boss said “Alright, well get her better and get in as soon as you can.”

I said “Yes sir.”

I placed the phone back on the receiver and went back down the hall to our room. She was hugging a pillow tightly and shaking. I sat on the bed and removed my boots and laid down next to her. She said “I was scared.”

I replied “I know my love. I was just in the kitchen talking to my boss. I didn’t leave.”

She looked at me and said “I know that. I don’t understand why I was so scared.”

I hugged her to me and said “It doesn’t matter. Just focus on me.”

Inside I screamed in frustration. I wanted my wife back. I wanted back the woman I married and her infectious laugh and her smile. I wanted to kill the person who made her this way. I wanted to tear apart the world looking for him. I wanted to tear him apart. I felt my rage boiling up and fought to suppress it. I heard her say “I know you’re angry. I can see it in your eyes. Why are you angry? Are you angry at me?”

I kissed her and said “I’m not angry at you never at you. I’m just angry that someone hurt you.”

She smiled at me and nuzzled her head into my neck and said “Ok”

I swallowed hard and tried not to let my emotions show and asked her “Are you hungry?”

She looked up at me and said “No, I’m not hungry now, but you eat if you are.”

I could see her body shrinking before me. Once so full of energy. Every episode like this seemed to waste her body away. Guiltily I said “I’m not hungry either.”

We laid there until she stopped shaking and the terror left her eyes. I asked her if she minded if I got a shower and she said “No, but do you mind if I join you?”

Hopeful I said “Yeah that would be fine.”

We went into the bathroom and undressed. I Turned the water on to warm it up and she wrapped her arms around me and laid her head on my shoulder and said “I’m sorry. I know this isn’t me but I don’t know how to escape.”

I hugged her to me and said “You don’t have anything to apologize for. We will get through this together.”

Once the water was warm we stepped into the shower and we cleaned up. I watched her closely not wanting to lose her. When we were done I put on a pair of sweat pants and a t shirt. I watched as she pulled on an over sized shirt and climbed back into bed. I felt ashamed. I felt like a failure. I had left that day. I had went to work and when I didn’t return she was worried. If I hadn’t been drunk I would have been home on time and she wouldn’t have come looking for me. If I had been a better husband it wouldn’t have happened. Now she wastes away. Episodes of terror and insanity gripping her more and more often. I always felt sick to my stomach. Food turned to ash in my mouth. Drink burned my throat. How could I have let it happen? I watched as she slept. Not moving a muscle I watched her breathe in and out. A luxury I felt impossible to achieve.

Hours later she woke with the madness gripping her eyes. Those eyes which once held hope and joy. Excitement and passion. Now were quickly becoming endless pools of gut wrenching hopelessness and fear. Putting on a smile I asked “Did you sleep well?”

Smiling weakly she said “I slept well my love. I didn’t have any nightmares.”

I replied keeping my calm demeanor “Good, I’ll make us something to eat if you want me too.”

She looked at me and said “I would like that.”

I grabbed her hand and took her with me to the kitchen. I started to get the food out of the pantry and fridge. But there wasn’t any so I said sheepishly “I guess we’ll have to order pizza tonight and we can go to the store tomorrow.”

She replied “Ok that’s good with me.”

I picked up the phone and called the pizza place and ordered her favorite pizza. After I hung up I went into the living room and turned on the TV. She walked to the couch and laid down. I sat down and she changed position so her head was in my lap and I started to play with her hair. The news was on and it was all gloom and doom so I changed the channel trying to find something happier. There was a knock at the door and I said “Well they were fast.”

I opened the door and my boss was standing there and he said “Hey, look we need to talk.”

I invited him in and he said “No, we need to talk privately. Please step out here so your wife doesn’t hear.”

I told her I was going to step out on the porch and that I wasn’t leaving and she waved me on. I stepped onto the porch and the door slammed shut behind me and I could hear her pounding on the door behind me. I could hear her cries as she screamed for me not to leave her there. I clenched my teeth and said “I need to help her.”

My boss motioned for me to go ahead and help her. I turned around and the door wasn’t there. The house wasn’t there either. I whipped around and I was standing on the ground. My boss was still there and I screamed at him to tell me what was going on.He sighed deeply and placed his hand on my shoulder and said “Son, we’re dead.”

I felt the entire world go sideways as I fell to my knees. I could hear her screams echo in my head saying don’t go over and over. I felt tears spill out of my eyes and cover my hands. When I looked up my boss was kneeling next to me and he said “I gave you all the time I could but I couldn’t let you hurt that poor girl anymore.”

I pushed him away and I fell backwards screaming “I would never hurt her. I love her. I won’t let her madness consume her. You’re lying to me.”

My boss looked at me with concern and said “We were killed about four months ago. There was an incident at work and we were shot and killed.”

I screamed at the ground but no sound left my throat. I screamed until there was nothing left and I collapsed on the ground.

When I woke up I was face down on a bed. I sat up and looked around. I was in my room. Was all of this a dream? I got up and went into h kitchen where my boss said “Good morning sleeping beauty we were starting to get worried.”

I rubbed the sleep from my eyes and said “What are you doing in my house?”

He stood up and said “Look harder. We aren’t in your house.”

I concentrated and the walls of my house fell away. There was a long room lit by torches and full of beds stretching about fifty yards. I started to fall when a tall man caught me and sat me on a bed and began to explain everything. He said that when I died he allowed me time to be with my wife. That time was supposed to be a week before I was to leave, but my boss had negotiated for me to stay longer. The man said that he could no longer allow me to interact with my wife. He explained how as a spirit all I was doing was feeding the madness I was fighting. I wanted to puke but there was nothing inside of me. All I felt was cold. I choked on my breath and cried out my wife’s name I screamed it and called her name. The man was patient while I fell apart. I looked up at him and pleaded with the man, but he said there was nothing he could do. My boss and the man left and all I could do was lay back on the bed numb and longing to die and live again.

Months later the man came back and said “Come with me. I have something to show you.”

He led me to a room where a mirror sat prominently on a dais. The man motioned for me to step up to the mirror. I looked into it and I saw her. I could feel tears welling up in my eyes. She was in pain. Confused I asked the man what was happening. He said “Your son is being born. I do not know yet if she will survive the process.”

I sobbed so hard I felt my chest would explode. I said “I can’t believe it. A son.”

The man nodded and said “Yes. And from the looks of it he is strong like his father. That will serve him well. He will have to be strong to live without his father.”

I clenched my fist and said “I am weak. I am not a man. If I had listened to her I would still be alive. If I had stayed home that day I would be there for this. If I hadn’t brushed off her fear as baseless I could be there for her.”

The man turned to me and said “It is most noble of a man to do his duty to his family. For you it was going to work to provide a suitable home for your wife. No greater courage can a man display than to lay down his life for his brother. You died trying to protect your friends and for the most part you succeeded. All is as it should be.”

I stood watching the mirror as my wife labored to bring our son into this life. When he was born the doctor cleaned him and presented him to her and she said “I love you my sweet child.”

The doctor asked what his name should be and she said with her failing voice “Name him after his father.” 

It was with those words that I watched her pass into the next life and I ran to the room where I had been. I ripped open the door and there she was. As beautiful as on our wedding day she was stunning. She looked more at ease than I seen her in a long time. I sprinted the length of the room and slid to a halt in front of her. I fell to my knees and tears fell freely from my eyes as she knelt down and pulled me to her and I could feel her arms around me as I let the pain of those past months go. I looked up into her eyes and said “I am so so so sorry my love. I wish I had never went to work that day.”

She cupped my face in her hands and said. “Don’t apologize dear. If you hadn’t you never would have died a hero and our son wouldn’t have a hero to look up to.”

I hugged her and said “I didn’t want any of this to happen. I just wanted us to be happy.”

She said “I know and now I’m here. Now we can be happy. Turn around.”

I stood and turned and there was my house and she grabbed my hand and said “Will you carry me into our home my Love.”

I smiled and said “I will, my love.”

I picked her up and carried her into our home. Into our room and shut the door.   

Reviews

[LastMonth]

Wow.
This is emotional.

The writing is bumpy and it could flow better, but this is definetly touching.
At first I though that his wife had a mental illness of a sort that he was trying to cope with, but you took it in a different direction completly.

I liked the story overall though it could use some ironing when it comes to grammar and paragraphing. Other then that keep on writing, nice one.

[Jason Joiner]

Thanks for the review! I am a young writer so I am working hard at hammering out my style and voice. This is the first time I have had a work of mine be read or reviewed by anyone. I'll keep my grammar in mind. Thanks again!