When You See a Stranger

A bit of silliness for the kids. Prosody is a bit off and there are inconsistencies stanza-to-stanza, but luckily, kids don't notice

When You See a Stranger

A question for kids

 

 

You see a stranger on the street

Where would you go, if you wore his feet?

 

Is he kind to his children? Is he nice to his wife?

Or is his day troubled…and filled with strife?

 

With what kind of treat does he end his meal?

Is it ice cream and pie, or crackers with eel?

 

Is reddish purple his favorite hue?

Or greenish red, all mixed with blue?

 

Does he drive a car or row a boat?

Fly an eagle…or ride a goat?

 

How does he get where he hopes to be?

Perhaps he swings from tree-to-tree?

 

Is his family nice or zombie-esque?

Do they call to talk or only text?

 

Do they read a book or do they dance?

When danger calls do they take a chance?

 

But, asking that, a thought occurs.

Would they like your world?

Would you like theirs?

Reviews

[Relic]

You've really captured the essence of a children's story with this, Jay. You offer questions that stir a child's imagination which is probably the most important thing a writer can do.

I like the rhymes and the humor involved. I can see a kid laughing at most of the lines.

I'm not sure they would know what zombie-esque meant, but I don't think they would mind. :)

Great job on this, Jay.

[Soren]

Well written with a great message. It flowed well and was fun to read.

[Cameron Lockhart]

Hello. I figured it would only be fair to return the favor after you gave me a review, so here we are.

Right off the bat, I'm loving the rhymes here. It's been quite a long time since I read a poem that wasn't freeform, and there was admittedly a span of time a while back when I thought heavy emphasis on rhyming amounted to "kid stuff". Ridiculous, I know.

In particular, I love the line, "Where would you go, if you wore his feet?" I love it when a writer tries to take clichéd phrases and changes them up, even if it's ever so slightly, and it's something I strive to do as often as possible in my own writing. I also appreciate how the closing line is broken off from its verse for dramatic effect. It's such a cool writing technique, and it's a shame that it mostly pops up in poetry and not fiction prose, at least from what I've read. My only minor issue comes from Line 13, which ends in a period despite sounding like a question. Then again, maybe there's something I'm just not getting.

Overall, this makes for a really nice, pleasant poem that I feel anyone can get into. Kids can read it and gain even more curiosity about the world around them, and adults can learn a useful lesson about how beneficial it can be to take one's surroundings into account. Nice job!

[JayG]

Thank you twice. First, for the kind words, and then for pointing out the typo. No matter how many times you edit...

[KAREN]

A well written thought-provoking poem!

[AMMD]

Nice exploration of humanity. Really like the twist in perspective at the end

[Lisasview]

Oh my goodness, first poem I have read of yours, (I am new to submitting... never showed anyone, not even family, what I write and I have been writing for over 60 years...so this is quite an adventure for me.) and what a delight it was to go on your journey.
Funny thing is that I was speaking to my husband just yesterday about all the people everywhere and what were they doing right now (we were watching Netflix)
This same thought has been with me since I was a child...so your poem made complete sense to me.. Would be marvellous in a children's book..
Lisa

[JayG]

Thank you.

[Amber Stone]

Great poem, Jay G, amazing lines and thoughts. A question for kids, perhaps also for any human being at every age or growing-stage, for the thesis that your poem raises seems an universal question for all. thank U for sharing it with such acute, gentle, wise reflection, that helps others to discover and think on this particular topic but from different angles. sincere bows, Amber.

[slfisher89]

Has a Dr Seuss/Alice in wonderland vibe... wonderful job

[Katarzyna Anna Koziorow..]

You choose words wonderfully. I found my soul in your great poem. Your metaphors give birth to light in the dark. I will be happy to visit you. Hold on!

[William Michael Reeves]

Is the G in your name for Geisel? That was fun to read but couldn't help sense the tension folded between your words. Stranger means so much these days. So many different lives some not so nice in their ways.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

Read a book? What is that?
And talk in person? We see so many couples at the pizza place we frequent, and they are sitting with each other but texting other people, not even conversing, unless they are texting each other across the table.
I like the part about wearing the stranger's feet. Yes, as Joe South sang, "Walk a mile in my shoes."
I'm still a kid at heart, so I liked this.
j.