What's in a Name

A bit of flash fiction. A story for kids, for fun, and meant to be told aloud.

 

Hello. I’m afraid I can’t tell you my name--at least not yet, because if I did, without explaining, I could be placing us in grave danger. And that--the reason it would place us in danger--is why I’m here.

Words, as I’m sure you already know, are interesting. And one of the things that makes them so is the way we speak. Take a simple example. If we’re from the United States and want to talk about a mechanical device we call it a machine, with the stress on the ending: ma-SHINE. But if we’re from England, it’s a MA-shine. And as people always have, we play with pronunciation and word meaning for fun. It’s how language evolves. Imagine a language where MA-shine was the way to say, “I am a little boy.” But in that same language, pronouncing it ma-SHINE would mean, “I am an orange soda.”

The reason I mention this is that when I was born, my mother made an unfortunate mistake. She could have called me any conventional name, or even used the name of a thing, like River Rose, or perhaps even Sky. Frank Zappa, for example, a famous musician, named his daughter, Moon Unit. I sometimes wonder what it was like, growing up with such a name.

My mom could have done something like that. But she, inspired by Mr. Zappa’s naming his other son Dweezil, decided to make up a word and use it for me, which is why she called me-- Wait. Forgive me, I nearly said it aloud. That wouldn’t be a problem…for me. But were you to repeat my name, and mispronounce it in just the right way, we would all--every one of us--suffer the same fate my parents did on the day I was born.

And that brings me to the reason I’m here: Words can be wonderful, but also dangerous things. They can bring joy, and love, but they can also bring fear and pain, too, if misused.

You see, though we don’t believe in it, magic is quite real. And spells can be cast by speaking certain sounds in a specific way. I know many of you don’t believe me. But I am, or at least my name is, proof that it’s true.

The thing is, and fortunately for us, demons and other magical creatures use a language where most of the meaning of their words is carried in how they’re spoken--as in that little boy and orange soda thing I mentioned. So the name my mother bestowed on me had no bad effect when she told dad what she’d written on the birth certificate.

Unfortunately, my father spent his early years in Paris, so when he repeated the name back to her, with a slight French accent, and a question in his voice, that word not only was in the demon language, it was the trigger that invoked a terrible spell. Speaking it summoned a hoard of demons tasked with tickling everyone in the room until their ears fell off.

You may chuckle at that, but for my mother and father it was no laughing matter--at least not in a nice way. And considering that my father looks really odd without ears, it wasn’t a happy way to welcome me to life. My mother, at least, can grow her hair long, and style it so her missing ears can’t be seen. But not dad, or the doctor who’d stepped into the room to check on Mom just before those demons were summoned. I was lucky, in that newborn children aren’t ticklish--which is why I still have my ears.

So that’s my point…the warning I’m here to give. Words have power in many ways. They can bring peace, love, or anger. But used without thought? Well, for Dad and Mom it was a shock, but luckily, the demons didn’t take their hearing, so other than missing the outer part of their ears they’re okay. But think about words and their danger the next time you see someone missing a limb. It just might be they, like my parents, are victims of demonic attack. Speak carelessly, and without thought…try to make up words, and…well, you may not like the result.

So…now that you know to be careful, my name is Sneedly McGurk. And you can call me Sneed. But never, never, never pronounce it as…

Well…since I like you, and since I’m certain you’re sort of attached to your ears, I’ll not say it that way.

 

End

Author's Note

This came to me when I was thinking about poetic meter, and stressed syllables. I wrote it for my granddaughter, but thought your kids might appreciate a bit of silliness, too. Of course, while the story is fiction, the idea just might be true.

Reviews

[Lisasview]

Oh so loved this.. first time reading your work Jay.. Actually, I never have time to read but thought earlier today to read yours.. Chose this one first because of the name..
I really enjoyed it..Funny and clever are the words that come to mind..
Ears... Hmmm..reminds me of a wonderful movie I saw many years ago,
about a man who decided to wear glasses and when he did his life drastically changed. I know Laura Dern was in it...just can not recall the actors name.. it is on the tip of my tongue..And, I believe this movie was banned for quite some time..

I will be reading more of yours..
Lisa

[Ayesha]

Its really funny how words have a totally different meaning sometimes and transform themselves into unintentional puns.
I was once applying for a doctor's appointment and the guy very casually asked me, "Male?". I began to wonder about my appearance which was pretty feminine and so was I. The guy asked me again, "MALE?"
and it began to annoy me and before I could rebuke him, I realized that he was asking for 'Mail'.

[Helen]

Not quite the same, but my partner (who's Irish and with an Irish accent, although not generally one that is hard to understand) desperately needed the loo (the bathroom) while we were visiting Poole in Dorset.

We couldn't find a public toilet so in the end he went into a library and asked if they had a toilet. The woman looked at him quizzically and he repeated his question. She still couldn't catch what he was saying so she called a colleague over and Michael again asked if they had a toilet, to which the colleague responded "Ah yes! Just a moment" and went off, returning with three books which he started to look through for whatever it was he thought Michael had said!

At this point, my partner (who really did need the loo!) thanked them and made a hasty retreat. I had been waiting outside - otherwise I could have translated for him!

[Koopagold]

I know little to nothing of poetic meter and stressed syllables, but I thoroughly enjoyed the piece. From the way it was told to the concept you were describing, it was an easy and fun read.

[Brooke Graco]

Amazing writing. I thank you for my earlier comment and thought to read and learn from your works! I must say, I am very impressed. I hope to study and be able the use English the way you can in the future. Your punctuation and word use was very spell-binding. Thank you for this comical and interesting piece.

[Huckleberry Hoo]

I used every pronunciation I could think of, but I still have my ears. Am I doing it wrong? My grandchildren are probably too old, but would have enjoyed it a few years ago, I am sure. I did notice an affinity for commas, and occasionally they were even put them in the correct spots.

[JayG]

My son has said that one day he will present me with a silver comma pendant since I am such a significant consumer of them.

[roarke]

Bravo. So well constructed and very easily read aloud. Prefect humor to elicit squeals of laughter from younger ones and knowing smiles from elders. Enjoyed this very much.