Naked B***h

A "this is not a love poem," poem.

NAKED B***H

 

 

Oh naked b***h with whip and chain

You flay my soul, you burn my brain

You give me hate, and only pain

(Yet here I am with you again)

 

Oh naked b***h with eyes of flame

It’s not for me your heart to tame

To you it’s all a boring game

(I cannot seize your secret name)

 

Oh naked b***h when will it end?

My dreams you break, my soul you rend

In hell with you, my time I spend

(It’s me who’ll break, you’ll never bend)

 

Oh naked b***h with hip and thigh

Oh hear my prayer, and heed my cry

You bind my soul, my life you tie

(Please stop the hurt, and let me die)

 

Oh naked b***h, my life you crush

My dreams all torn, their contents gush

And yet to you again I rush

(And when I cry, you tell me hush)

 

Oh naked b***h, I made you so

With deed and word, and even blow

The things I did you’ll never know

(Oh naked b***h I love you so)

 

Oh naked b***h who I adore

Though thousands lay upon the floor

We run to you and ask for more

Oh naked b***h

Your name is War!

Author's Note

This began as something angry, though I can't remember what brought that mood. And truly, I didn't know what I was writing about till I reached the last stanza. And that wrote itself. I chose iambic tetrameter because the drumbeat cadence, and the repeated rhyme seemed to add momentum.

The change-up from declaration to editorial comment in L4 of each stanza but the last was meant to lower the intensity of the drumbeat, as a contrast and virtual pause, though I have no idea of what prompted me to to make the line parenthetical, other than it seemed, to me, to imply a whisper. It seemed to work for me, but...well, everything works for the one who writes it.

Reviews

[Samuel Dickens]

I didn't expect that revealing turn of words. As the poor tortured one complained of Naked B***h's cruel treatment, I thought, "Well, why do you avail yourself to her? Seems like you don't mind it all that much." Then the surprising truth comes. Your technical explanation is wasted on me, unlearned, as I am, but I can still enjoy the poem on its face.

[BlackPrince]

Well, the title and the first line certainly grab readers' attention, presuming that sex is the message. But then the very last stanza puts it all into unexpected perspective; only then can one reread it and fully grasp the association between a naked b***h and war 😂

Well done!!!

[Hardesty]

Nice. I really liked your style on this one. Way to take a topic that's hard to do and make it work!

[Bryce]

I like it, it is raw and real and i can relate

[jacob erin-cilberto]

Yes, everything does work for the one who writes it...great line in Finding Forrester when William says "the best time is just after we write something and read for ourselves before those who couldn't write anything like it, get hold of it and tear it down in a day"
The anger comes through here...and the surprise end makes so much sense...War is what lays men's bodies and souls naked...and often dead...and there are never really good reasons for it. It is like a Black Widow...sucks the bodies in...and spits them out rearranged or with no breath.
pretty powerful stuff here, Jay...
j.

[Marquitta Connelly]

Awesome twist. I enjoyed your poem

[SLONGENTL]

I must say that I was drawn to the title. As I read each line I found myself desperately search for the person who made you feel this way. I like the parenthetical lines because I read them in a whispered tone so I am glad you wanted to come across as such. The person ended up being war...lol..man what a twist.

[lynne1313]

Interesting twist at the end. Title definitely pulled me in and conveyed a sense of near-flippancy that I can appreciate. Not a huge fan of rhyming poetry (at least, not recently) but this works well.

[TheSuffering]

This is exactly my type of s**t

[mattavelli]

Hello, JayG! :)
That end was quite a twist of your whip. Until then it was a fun humorous read. Then you brought war into it... Sheesh

[gram linski]

Ah, the seductress of Man, flagellating our bell ends with nettle stings, whispering we need war, give us more, keep the money machine, rolling on,