Judge Me When I'm Finished

Maybe there’s pacification
To know that the manifestation

Of every last breath
Only leads to death

My story I could write it
But most prefer a plot with a twist

And any way eventually
There’s another show to go see

I’m not trying to build a country
Or save the world like Turing
Just a man thinking about raising a family

But still I want to leave my mark
While enjoying a nap in the back yard

And this very thought provoking insanity
Stands in the way of apathy

So I wake, rise, rinse, wash and eat
And battle for what you see

Even though my legacy is not up to me
The hero and the villain picked by the writers of history

Reviews

[Colette]

hmmm thought provoking, bordering on melancholy (which I have a thing for), and perhaps acknowledging the mundane aspect of our existence. le sigh

[Someday Shine]

Thanks Colette. I actually can find this perspective to be quite refreshing and invigorating even though it sounds melancholy. Once you realize that you'll be judged either way for your actions you can relax and just do you and live life. Thanks for reading!

[Dr. YumnaKay]

I liked the general idea of this poem. However, I do have some suggestions regarding this.
In these lines:

"My story I could write it
But most prefer a plot with a twist
And any way eventually
There’s another show to go see"

The rhyming scheme and flow seems a bit off (to me).
It would really come off nicely if you put commas in between phrases so that the flow gets even better.
As per the content, I liked the first stanza.
"Leaving a mark" is a concept most of us can relate to. Maybe not on the whole world, but given my way, at least on those I care about.
I hope you will take the suggestions as constructive.

[Someday Shine]

Yumna. Really appreciate the constructive criticism. I see your point that a comma or two could go a long way. Grammar was never my strong suit and definitely something I can improve if I'm going to continue expressing myself. Many thanks to you!

[Dr. YumnaKay]

Of course there's always room for improvement. You're most welcome. Just keep on writing. You're a good writer 😊👍