"Shadi"

Shadi means older sister in Navajo. I recently lost my oldest sister. I am writing to process my thoughts during this grieving period.

What will fill the void you left?

 

I can still hear the faint murmur of your voice in the wind 

sweet nurturer, so gentle, calm and compassionate

"Shadi" sweet sister of mine  

your guidance in keeping the old ways alive

inside of you the flame was ablaze

lighting and warming your home, family and all the lives you touched

blessed to have come within your presence

to have been nourished and guided by your strong kind spirit

 

I was one who came to you asking about the ways or our people

generously you patiently shared your knowledge

you told me Creation Stories of our people the Dine'

you didn't stop there 

you shared the history of our family

carried down orally 

their journey from one generation to another

stories of struggle, perseverance and survival

stories remembered of how as a child you fought to overcome poverty

leaving home so young to care for an ailing grandfather alone

 

who held you? who reassured you?

 

teaching yourself as a child how to stand up to fear, hunger, loneliness and life's battles

leaning on the lessons learned when caring for animals, isolated in a Hogan to face life on its own terms and listening intently to the wind, clouds, plants so as to follow its lead

you gathered strength in traditional teachings of "Hozho"  

and the philosophies of ancestors 

following the corn pollen path of beauty and balance with the universe

you were protected and blessed by the intrinsic spirit

of your surroundings

 

Mother Earth, Father Sky and the Holy Ones

blessed you with understanding

as you offered your gifts of humility, faith, trust and gratitude

 you greeted each new day with positive thoughts

thus your woven basket filled bountifully as you matured

never giving up to be blown about by the windstorm of self-doubt

you relied upon your own competence and innate curiosity to learn new things, you taught yourself how to

weave intricate and elaborate rugs so that you were self sufficient

dependent on no-one

silversmithing with turquoise and silver

making jewelry to support your family 

your strength, integrity and work ethic clear for all to see

you will be remembered as a strong capable Dine' woman

endowed with traditional knowledge and a life lived 

in harmony, peace, beauty...HOZHO

I am honored and blessed to have been your sister

These things I know for sure, mentally but I am struggling to understand emotionally how to deal with your departure from my world

 

you were the eldest and I, the youngest

I looked up to you, followed you in search of my path, my role

I would ask you a myriad of questions, making you laugh at my childish assumptions, perceptions and actions!

you were so gentle even when admonishing me

I would not realize it until later.

Your stories and example of what it means to be a mother, relative and

community member would be shared weekly usually on Sunday

I am confused, feeling lost, alone and wondering again

how to fill the void in my life

 as

I hold the phone in my hand ready to talk to you today...

I miss you Shadi 

Reviews

[John Jackson (El Juero)]

Tears of sadness, tears of joy. I am happy that you are able to write, to help your healing journey. As you said, her voice is on the wind. She is always with you, for you carry her spirit gently and humbly. I know that your Shadi is SO proud of you, the fabulous Woman that you are.
A beautifully written tribute.
Thank you.

[Vinod Kumar U K]

My hearty condolence to the mourning family of your`s , there are so many sentimental writings are happened related these surcumstances, I remember some of the poems written in our language Malayalam, that creations are the authou`s master pieces thank you ...

[Coyote Poetry]

A beautiful poem with good and sad memories. My father I used to call weekly died 15 years ago. Today I wish to hear his voice still. I like the way you teach with your stories. Some people leave permanent marks on our mind and heart. A powerful story.
Coyote

[Jaweena...Eileen Quinta..]

"Ahehee" thank you my kind friends, I feel your compassion and humanity. I loved my sister dearly.... I think of her often and feel her peaceful presence. Death teaches you to appreciate life, family, time and compels you to do better in everything you do. Live life to the fullest. Respect the things that are inevitable....life is hard! Suffering, hard work, death and injustice are a part of life! The sooner we acknowledge this and quit fighting it- the smoother our journey is.
I am blessed to have people who care about me....Ahehee.

[emmajoy]

Not one little bit ashamed to say this made me cry, it's so heartfelt, so full of admiration and love. Your words have pushed home what I've know for quite a while and that is that we learn more about life, ethics and emotions from the people no longer with us than the ones we see every day .. maybe memories and past experiences make everything more precious. Wish i knew .. you certainly do.

This is both beautiful and superb.

[Desert Dreamer]

We never stop missing our lost loved ones...your words make me think of how we always carry parts of them with us, they are still here as long as we remember thm. Beautiful heartfelt writing.

[Jaweena...Eileen Quinta..]

Thank you!

[Robin]

this reverberates strongly within me Jaweena , as i try to fill voids of the loved ones I have lost recently ... thank you for sharing my friend