Terra Infirma

Here you go, Ivy... a repost of my old featured which I'll feature again, what the hell. You did ask, haha. Redone Evoca track. The track down the bottom is mixed with a little ditty I was making up at the time on a nylon acoustic. Terrible quality. Yup.

[IMG]http://i32.photobucket.com/albums/d20/alteredlife420/BeachSepia.jpg[/IMG]




The earth can seem too deep at times,
as boulders rush over gravel and termites
lay eggs in fields of promises; blooms

of violence cut back with rusty secateurs
under a moon-song of rivers drying up
in their featherdown beds.


We've all grown... some in the most
flagrant ways harpooned upon a beach,
some like Reznor's downward spiral

into oblivion: for that first urge making
you throw your fingers wide to write
of all the troubles in your prismatic life.


Stanzaic: there's order amongst the revival
of fallen gypsy castles, tidal-blown under
the restraints of etiquette, familiarity

and soul sacrifice; emblazing inky notions
to the sidewalks, we write our own epitaphs
for others to wander/wonder over.


And this is
just how I want it.



(Acoustic version)[img][/img][img][/img]

Author's Note

Shitty guitar, I know. I stuff around now, that's pretty much it.
Photo of a cool waterfall/open cave at a beach near where I live.
Yep, I like the whole audio-visual-written palette, I guess.

Reviews

[JP thinks the WC is apt..]

I thought I'd already reviewied this one but evidently not! This is a terrific bit of work - very organic. There's also something vaguely sci-fi about your imagery: eggs in fields, downward spirals and prismatic life. It conjurs a War of the Worlds kind of scenario, though perhaps that's just my imagination.

[Blackbirdsong]

This is truly some great writing, J. Everything that I want to see in a poem and so much more. The imagery, structure, wordplay, you bring it all the plate and then knock it out of the ballpark.

This stanza really got me -

"and soul sacrifice; emblazing inky notions
to the sidewalks, we write our own epitaphs
for others to wander/wonder over."

Writing our own epitaphs for others to wander/wonder over. That is just some gorgeous writing and thought.

Thank you so much for sharing this.

take care :)

[Raef C. Boylan]

Wow.
I felt like this could be about the members of WritersCafe, and their efforts to make an impact upon the writing world - "for that first urge...to write of all the troubles in your prismatic life", "We've all grown...some...harpooned...downward spiral into oblivion" (i like the sneaky NIN reference by the way), "we write our own epitaphs for others to wander/wonder over." - but it could be about writers or even just people on Earth in general, trying to make a difference but too often ending up wrapped in themselves and their own supposed importance...except we are all only "termites", as you reduce us to here.
Every stanza is amazingly-written, and also relevant to the social commentary that this piece seems to consist of. I love the language and imagery - "boulders rush over gravel", "harpooned upon a beach", "revival of fallen gypsy castles" are just a few examples - that you've used in this piece, and also the style and tone. Your voice in the Evoca didn't sound particularly cynical or resigned, so i'm reading the tone of this as being fairly neutral; purely observational remarks (except the last two lines, which come across as satisfied/triumphant).
Those last lines are quite an uplifting end...or are they a demonstration of having grown flagrant? Should i read them as manipulative (i'd prefer not to think of these circumstances as being of the narrator's own creation - i like the character)?

"you throw your fingers wide to write" - i took this to mean swearing, giving your life the V while you scribe with attitude (no idea if i'm on the right track).

Overall, this is a really impressive piece of poetry, with plenty to say.
It's also very cleverly written. I like knowing that effort has gone into a person's work.

Thanks for posting this.

p.s. I read it four or five times without listening to your reading of it, but then i did have a listen and that's also very good. Conquering poetry on all levels and mediums...nice.

p.p.s does the title mean 'unstable earth'?

[Kristan Strietzel]

Despair, hope, violence, beauty, chaos, order, safety, soul-baring; its all here. This is what makes it all worth it.
"throw your fingers wide to write" made me stumble at first, but then thought of so many references to "throwing one's arms open wide" to whatever experiences, and could then really relate. It takes a bit of that daring, that willingness to open your soul (and hand), to share with others those feelings/experiences that expand like refracting light when you live them. You've certainly done so here.
Thank you.

[Vanessa Whiteley]

Another beautiful poem by you J. and the spoken word works well. The imagery is as original as ever.

blooms

of violence cut back with rusty secateurs

and

we write our own epitaphs
for others to wander/wonder over.

I was a little puzzled by the image of:

for that first urge making
you throw your fingers wide to write

wondering how does one write with open fingers. Doesn't the pen fall out between the gaps in between but then I guess we could be we talking keyboards and computers here. Certainly, open fingers is more world embracing then clutched, albeit, to grasp these images one would need to close them.

I�m rambling again. Lovely, lovely poem.

[Fade]

This is a beautiful piece of work (as I'm sure you know by now). I love your use of enjambment to join one stanza to the next, and keep the visual (and aural) flow of the poem. I found myself reading this repeatedly. Your word choice is quite elegant.

What I get out of this is a beauty in what we consider chaos; understanding that we can grown down as well as up. We write (or play as Reznor has done) and leave it to others to decide what our poetic epitaphs mean.

Brilliant work.

[Hedra Helix]

:) I love this piece
again:)
good stuff

secateurs= clippers or pruners. people, psh

[Sweet Temptation]

J, your piece was brilliant. I agree with my fellows writers your voice add a hypnotic feel. I got to enjoy this poem twice, because I didn�t see the Evoca till the end. Your word play is really impressive. You introduced to some new words. �Reznor's downward spiral �� this is really interesting. You are truly talented and have captured me. This is my first read from you. I�m so looking forward to reading more of you.

The part that stood out for me the most was

The earth can seem too deep at times,
as boulders rush over gravel and termites
lay eggs in fields of promises; blooms

of violence cut back with rusty secateurs
under a moon-song of rivers drying up
in their featherdown beds.

WOW! So beautiful and vivid. Love it!!! Excellent read and write.

[Barry Napier]

Reznor's Downward Spiral should seriously become a literary tool somehow...Shakespearian, Lovecraftian, Faulkneresque...now Reznor's Downward Spiral. Anyway, I really like this. It's one of those peices that depicts chaos and shades of violence in a fragile, beautiful way. Great job!

[Crap!]

Like Trent. My epitaph was written long ago however. good read.

[Mandika]

I didn't get a chance to tell you Hotness up in here with this one J. Hotness! You threw this in our faces and we gotta love. (Actually, I read this a while ago when you join as my friend). I'm already a fan.