Terra Infirma

Here you go, Ivy... a repost of my old featured which I'll feature again, what the hell. You did ask, haha. Redone Evoca track. The track down the bottom is mixed with a little ditty I was making up at the time on a nylon acoustic. Terrible quality. Yup.

[IMG]http://i32.photobucket.com/albums/d20/alteredlife420/BeachSepia.jpg[/IMG]




The earth can seem too deep at times,
as boulders rush over gravel and termites
lay eggs in fields of promises; blooms

of violence cut back with rusty secateurs
under a moon-song of rivers drying up
in their featherdown beds.


We've all grown... some in the most
flagrant ways harpooned upon a beach,
some like Reznor's downward spiral

into oblivion: for that first urge making
you throw your fingers wide to write
of all the troubles in your prismatic life.


Stanzaic: there's order amongst the revival
of fallen gypsy castles, tidal-blown under
the restraints of etiquette, familiarity

and soul sacrifice; emblazing inky notions
to the sidewalks, we write our own epitaphs
for others to wander/wonder over.


And this is
just how I want it.



(Acoustic version)[img][/img][img][/img]

Author's Note

Shitty guitar, I know. I stuff around now, that's pretty much it.
Photo of a cool waterfall/open cave at a beach near where I live.
Yep, I like the whole audio-visual-written palette, I guess.

Reviews

[JP thinks the WC is apt..]

I thought I'd already reviewied this one but evidently not! This is a terrific bit of work - very organic. There's also something vaguely sci-fi about your imagery: eggs in fields, downward spirals and prismatic life. It conjurs a War of the Worlds kind of scenario, though perhaps that's just my imagination.

[Emily B]

There is an order to mortality ruled by ettiquette and good behavior. We write of our lives knowing we must leave. We write of our death not knowing what lies in wait. From the too deep earth, to the drying up river, we are all only a few words away from an epitaph.

I like the rhythm, not sure how anyone could dismiss this work as mediocre. This music came from the soul.

[Golden11]

This is a very good read !

[Perplex]

you mention reznor and nine inch nails springs into my mind as i read it. this has some of that energy to it -- like the coiled potential of a spring. some wonderful lines with very evocative flavours that produce an almost metallic taste in the mouth.

[Jonathan Bryant Dean]

It is not often that a poem makes me pause an think. Your poem has done that, and as I have read it now five times, I feel that I have learned a few words, even though I am not sure I have completely deciphered your intended meaning. This may have also been caused in part by an extreme case of insomnia, which has robbed me of my full reasoning skills. I will read this again after I have managed to get some much needed rest.

I do like your use of words to create an enigmatic picture.

JBD

[E. M. Murren]

Thank you for inviting me as a friend so I could read this. It is stunning. The acceptance at the end tops it off nicely. Cheers.

[Gandré]

Fantastic. ha. no mediocre!! absolute great poetry. don t believe it. mesmerizing!! rockets along.

[B & M Publications]

I've read this poem twice now. The first time I read it I passed it as mediocre, but I am very glad that I read it a second time. It's teh kind fo poem that blooms the second time you read it. It has fantastic imagery and emotion.

[Dave "Doc" Rogers]

This one has a tricky rhythm to it, but I pick it up. The writing lends itself well to spoken word style. For visual fun, you may want to play with breaking the stanzas into new lines for each thought or emphatic pause. I think it would lend better to the tempo created. But still, good job on the imagery and word play.

Cheers!
Doc.

Current contests:
Worthy Writing - August 2007Aug 1, 2007 - Aug 31, 2007Win Recognition for your writingWell Crafted - August 2007Aug 1, 2007 - Aug 31, 2007Win Recognition for your writing

[Typhaen]

Gorgeous poem.... I feel the images are quite sad, but true to the essence of our society... But I don't believe some of us are grown enough to understand why we are all here...

Beautifully written! :)

Typh :)

[Gandré]

This was sooting. Not only your way to read it. I fell like ...falling asleep. but I can't. Not until your voice is traveling down the hallway, straight, to tarry in my mind, starting to knock against the curiosity. I feel, I want to read more of you, I think your text will be comforting me and I can relax a little in this intelligent poetry... in a communion of souls.