Introduction and Chapter 1- Raffle When

This is the introduction and First Chapter of my Book. I will put more on here once I figure out what I am doing.

By looking at the title of this book, you are probably getting the wrong idea about what it is. If you think it’s a self-indulgent memoir about me, you couldn’t be further from the truth, and actually you are rather quite wrong. 

No, this book is about work, more specifically, it’s about the workplace or where the majority of us spend 40 or more hours a week killing time with no discernible purpose other than to make some money so we can buy overpriced goods and participate in societal Ponzi schemes such as Mortgages, Health Insurance, and Social Security.

While I think it’s politically correct and popular to put on a face to the public about how much we like our jobs, and how satisfied we are, for the majority of us that is simply not true. Our jobs are not necessarily as bad or as hard as most of us make them out to be, but neither are they as important or fulfilling as we like to portray to others either in person or on that despicable social media which is killing our world.

This book is not a political commentary, but rather a work of comedy. Comedy you say? So far it is not funny at all, nor particular entertaining or enlightening. You are correct!!! But now the fun begins, you see, this book is all about entertaining things at work (along with some anecdotes) that you and your statistically speaking one friend at work (because most people at work suck and are conformity driven social climbers) can do to make work more entertaining, so with that, let us begin!!

Chapter 1- Raffle When?

If you work in any sort of office environment (so sorry, not you LeBron) you are probably surrounded with a multitude of items that you don’t want or need. If you are anything like me (Narcissism alert!!) you are probably highly disorganized and have way too much clutter.  If where you work is anything like where I do (and let’s face it, it’s likely not because right now I am a High School Counselor), you probably have vultures I mean people clamoring for your items. Not to worry, with several easy steps, you too can create your own raffle program to get rid of your unwanted office goods.

1-      Create some sort of currency with your face on it (Narcissism alert #2), or have someone do it for you. My form of currency is called the Dobrow Shekel, I did not make it myself, but rather some of my students did (it helps if you have a group of young people who are obsessed with you for some odd reason who can perform this type of task for you).

 

2-      Distribute your currency to co-workers. Do not distribute too much, or inflation will take over and your currency will be worth less than the Vietnamese Dong. Fine side fact do you know that 1,000 Vietnamese Dong can buy you say, an apple?

 

3-      Announce that for one shekel a piece, your co-workers or students can enter the raffle and win a fabulous item.

 

4-      Compile said items. Some of the items I raffled off this year, include:

 

-An Ergonomic keyboard pad

-A VHS Cassette on Peer Pressure from 1998 (did I mention it’s yellow?)

-A Coffee Mug with Glitter in the Bottom

-My first born child’s middle name

 

5-      Announce that at some point in the future (not to distant, but not to close) that a raffle for said item will be occurring.  This will build the proper buzz among your constituents and have them asking important questions such as:

 

Raffle When?

And of course

Raffle What?

 

6-      Conduct the raffle. I like to conduct my raffles after lunch around 1 pm, your opinion may vary. This way there is not too much time to kill later in the day after an exciting even such as a raffle, and nobody is hungry, because everyone who is anyone knows you cannot conduct a raffle on an empty stomach, that’s just a recipe for failure.

 

7-      Repeat the process at a later date. Ideally a raffle should be conducted approximately once a month. If you work at a normal job that’s 12 raffles a year.

 

8-      Be satisfied. Early returns indicate that raffles are satisfying experience and losers are almost equally as fulfilled as winners.  In addition, by raffling items you will slowly but surely get rid of a lot of your office clutter, as the old cliché is true, one man’s trash is another man’s treasure.

 

       Addendum:  If you work at a for profit business, you might be able to get away with actually being able to charge people to participate in your raffle, one raffle ticket can be bought for say, 10 cents, so not only are you satisfying people, and getting rid of unwanted items, you are also making a profit.

Use your own discretion on this category, as I take no responsible for you either losing your job, or being indicated by the FEDS (or both!!!) for conducting a raffle unscrupulously (big PhD word).

Author's Note

The grammar is terrible, as it has not been edited now. There will be a fun picture here at some point.

Reviews

[Jason D]

This intro and first chapter provides an idea to the reader of what this book is, and what to expect. Again, imagine a crappy book you would buy at Urban Outfitters, that is what this is!