'Allowed'

Twenty five years I had waited this moment, but like everything I was the facsimile. I got there too late!
The party was kicking. Various people were already in drunken stupors. I walk in sober and the room seemed to freeze.
A dissident wandering into familiar halls, all eyes turn and some throw daggers, whilst others just smile.
From the doorway my mind wanted to shout,
�I�m allowed!�
The world unfroze and the room awaited the next late guest.
I mingle, someone offers me a drink but I decline and take hold of a bottle of diet coke to pour myself some refreshment. An arm stops me with muffled and drunken overtones.
�Spiked!�
I place the bottle back down and wish I�d gone into the all night garage after all.
A pretty face waves a glass of liquid in my direction. I roam over to her but as I approach she passes through me to talk to the buxom blonde behind me.
Temptation sits on the table - Jimmy Beam and Jacky Daniels sit grinning with wonder-glass labels of �Drink Me!!�
I wander through the throng and enter the kitchen. Two years ago I fell through that same doorway after a steaming session.
A pub crawl of several oasis holes with radioactive Newcastle Brown rustling and swilling around my stomach.
I remembered falling and crawling past my brethren the snake.
Hissing with intergestion, complaints of where the toilet was and points and directions that would have made Milton Keynes easier to find.
The slithering king snake but Mr. Mojo Risin could hold his own and I unfortunately came a poor second. Unfortunately I was born with a glass lined stomach which after several drinks shatters into small pieces. Once that happened carrot suddenly time travelled forward in time to reappear with what can only be from digesting the previous Sunday�s roast.
Finding sanctuary within the padded confines of the toilet bowl.
�How�s life?�
�BLUERRCH!�s**t!�
�I see you are yourself again!�
�Shurrup! I�m pished! BLUERRCH! Burp!�
�Do you mind I was only cleaned yesterday? I had a lovely splash of bleach and a tickle around with brush�God, those coarse bristles are therapeutic. And here you are again throwing up this weeks quota of alcoholic beverage, mixed and seasoned with kebab and chips, blended up with your so-called attempt at dancing whilst attempting to impress the local bikes for a ride and jaunt home. I have no pity! You had it coming to you if you ask me.�
�Belch! Burp! BLUERRCH! Shhhurrup! Who�d you tink you are? Eh! Me thucking mother! Just Shurup�Burp!�
With this the toilet seat fell onto my head and like the drunken twat I was I completely wrecked the seat and left it hanging. After that it was never the same.
Now walking back in the door Mr. Armitage Shanks sits in silence, trembling as I lift his lid and urine streams into his bowl with a sudden gush and with a sigh of relief.
The days of abuse have passed, I am no longer the abuser of toilets and the drinks cabinet stays permanently shut.
With this I wander back through the kitchen and head upstairs.
Upstairs, I meander from room to room.
The rooms are full of inebriated girls with blokes between their legs. Men collapsed in corners with bottles clasped firmly in hand. Blank and oblivious to their beverage that is slowly dripping into their crutch. Beer soaking slowly into their jeans making their bladders releases the previous six pints they had down the curry house before reaching their destination.
I gaze down at the shag pile carpet as I step over the drunken orgy at my feet. The carpet is stained with urine, pavement pizzas and dog s**t brought in on some unsuspecting show from the short cut through the park.
Halfway along the landing, a brunette sits slumped unconscious against the wall with her eyes wide open with a Cossack smile.
The same smile enjoyed with a wave, a shout and a leap of faith that when jumping off, the bungee rope springs you back towards the crane and not towards the grounds of Cirrhosis by the sea awaiting another liver transplant.
Reaching the end of the landing more desolation.
A drunken young man cries at the doorway whilst inside his fianc� screws his best friend.
In the study, two girls experiment with barbitiutes and naked bodies whilst their men sit with trousers hanging at their ankles with each other�s penis in the others palm.
Both of them hoping that heaven is full of the fish playing away in front of them but the worms at the end of their rods cannot hold on and spurt out cum hitting their feline�s faces as they play and stroke their cats whilst lapping up all the spilt cream.

I smile and head back downstairs.

The house has turned sour and with the smell of bacon appearing at the end of the road I decide to leave.

As I walk away I realise I have been in each on those roles and found that in all those scenarios one thing is missing.
Hope.
They are missing that vital hook.
They all lack paramounts so materialism takes hold. Materialism like a vampire has you in its mouth and with one bite leads you to the next, and that next is always the last one on the shelf and someone has it already under lock and key and buried it away leaving your luck lost at sea. Lost on a desert island. Lost to another, your belief in anything becomes chaotic, You drift from port to post, Lost at sea, Lost in the fog with the albatross hanging around your neck, Half alive, Half dead,
Pecking at your pride, At your belief that you miss the reason, Losing the answer to why you started ,
Then finally gold is struck, And the rush is yours for the taking, You find the answer was just another anti-climax, a spout of dutch courage leaves you and you let the sand slip through your fingers and sit in the corner and weep. It is then you truly have humanity and realise your feelings are alien. And you realise you are half alien, half beast. Then you will find true enlightenment,. It is then you are at the end of your goal and the hour glass is spun round and you are back at the bottom of the food chain and start again with daybreak behind you.

Reviews

[Star Catcher]

Wow, that had a lot of meaning to it. I liked it.

[[untitled]]

Very interesting read and well written. I especially enjoyed the humor expressed in such a strong and serious piece.