Never Forgotten

 

When a love one passes, way too often, family and friends will automatically remember this person as a perfect being that could do no wrong. I prefer to remember those as the way they really were and not to turn my memories into something fictional.

 

 

I'm writing this, knowing that, any day, any moment, my Grandmother will be gone. She has been battling throat cancer (though never a smoker or any like that) for many years, on and off, and there is no longer anything anyone can do for her. About 6 weeks ago, her doctor estimated that she had 2 months to live. The message from family that is with her right now is that she will probably go any time now.

 

 

My Grandmother is a little dingy, in a funny sort of way. Every time I see her, I do a lot of explaining about what I mean, either that, or I just let her believe what I said the way she takes it. She will also believe anything you say, no matter how far out there it may be. On many occasions, I could have used this to my advantage, but I'm just not that cruel. Really…I'm not.

 

 

Grandma's second husband always had her believing in some bizarre cult stuff, and always different ones. When Heaven's Gate went down, (until we heard from her) I wondered if she was there, and if she had purchased new black Nike's recently. Also, I can't remember how many times she tried to convince us that we should leave California right that very moment because we were weeks away from it falling into the ocean. My mother passed it off and told her we had all bought new scuba gear, so we were ready. That one upset her a bit.

 

 

Many of my friends met my Grandma at my eighth grade graduation. Grandma had quit coloring her hair dark for awhile and then just started to pick it up again before this event. Her hair was a beautiful shade of purple on graduation day. All my friends, for years afterward, would occasionally ask me how my Grandma with the purple hair was doing.

 

 

When I was much younger, I spent a lot more time with her, staying at her house. More than once, she would place a spoon or a fork on the table and ask me to try and bend it with my mind, because the mind of a child is much more powerful than that of an adult. By the way, I never succeeded at this…just so you know.

 

 

More than anyone I have ever met in my life, though, my Grandma would listen to everything I had to say. From when I was a little kid, up until now, she has always made me feel like all my ideas were worthy, and I love her for that. When you spoke to her, you were the most important person in the whole world.

 

 

A couple of weeks ago, I had a dream where I got the chance to tell her how I felt and how much she would be missed. She told me that no matter what, she would always be there. That is the type of thing she would get a kick out of hearing, but although I have spoken to her on the phone, it is difficult for her to spend very much time and I have not gotten the chance to tell her about it.

 

I will miss so many things about you, Grandma, but maybe most, that deep comforting voice, and that hearty laugh of yours.

 

 

Grandma, I don't know how else to say it, but I love you, will miss you greatly and will never forget.