Love - Part 3

What would you do if you are really crazy in love with someone? Would you take all the risk? Or will you let your brain take over your heart? This love is somewhat hard to follow-through. I cannot say if this is true love that I felt. But it begins in miraculous way. 

It is just another day for me. Going through all the school work. He is my classmate for most of my subjects. Even during those freshman years. We bonded over my 3rd year in college. It is when during one of our subjects that we sat close with each other. We are chatting during that class every time. I did not mind. I never think of him as something special to me. Until he did not went to school during one day. Because he was sick. That time it did left a big hole in my heart. I cannot explain it. I begin to think that I am missing him. But still I did not mind. When I saw him again, we talked and that is the time, I knew. That I might have felt something special. We bonded more via text messages. 

As the time went on he confided his love. At first I did not heed to his feelings for me. Until I confirmed that I felt the same way for him too. After few months, I gave in. We became a couple. What made our relationship complex is, we cannot have any dates or avoid being seen for that matter. As I have a strict rule with my parents to not have relationship while I am still at school. But I did it anyway.

When you really love each other it seems like we do not take a notice of care in the world. That is how I feel for him. It was an exhilarating feeling. When I looked into his eyes I feel happiness and contentment. Being with him, I feel complete. We keep it a secret. But still our classmates would noticed that there is something between us. He keep talking about me to his close friends. And the way that I knew of it, is when one or two of his close friends told me about it.  It was complicated but we still manage to see each other exclusively. He would always encourage me when I am down. In the process I was able to rise up beyond what it should not have been. 

Until, keeping our relationship as a secret would not worked anymore. I know he felt lost. Especially after seeing me with my platonic friend together eating lunch. I know he was always jealous when I am with my other male classmates. From that moment I know he lost his sense of being. He just disappeared like a bubble. And that is  the time, I felt the most hurtful feeling. I am always questioned myself why and how it happened. I lost more sleep. I cannot eat. I even hate all the things that relate to him. I cried most of the time. Even talking about him to some of my friends. I carried this pain all the way until I finished college. I found the courage to look for him. 

Until one day he showed up. Tears fall down from my eyes when I knew that he showed up during our friends gathering. But then when I saw him, I feel maimed. Thus, I did not talked much during that event. Until we went home. This is where I found the courage to speak to him. The silly thing is the first words that came out in my mouth is "How are you?". With all the questions that keep playing on mind for this long. That is what I said to him. On the way home, as I bid goodbye. He reached my hand and grabbed me. Hugged and we kissed. I cried too. Honestly, it melts all the sadness and anger away instantly. But then he made it clear for me, in his actions. Or that is the way I interpreted. That there is no going back together again for us. I still remember those memories from time to time. Both painful and happy memories of us.