I want to Turn Back in Time

A Story by Jasmin

I want to turn back in time

In time where I am wishing for someone like you

God heard me and gave me you

Back in the feeling where you left a black hole on my heart when you did not show up in class

Because you are somehow sick. The first time I felt the emptiness of not seeing and talking with you. And I wonder what could this feeling be? Until I found out that I do not want to lose you. Our feeling was mutual.

Back in time when I am being spontaneous and really feel your presence of loving

Back in time, first night when we have one common understanding. Slumber the most beautiful slumber I ever felt my life. The feeling of being in cloud nine. When all we have are feelings and elation.

Back in time seeing you on the courtyard eye to eye without the care in a world. When everybody around us noticing us seeing each other eye to eye. And we do not care. And you kept trying to seeing me alone.

Back in time when your jealousy shows how you want me to be exclusively for you.

And how you want to always see me but still I'm afraid. Until you lost sense of yourself. And vanished like thin air.

What I regret, what I regret is not showing you much love I have for you. I could have shown you how much I love you. How I could break all the rules and norms of this world just to be with you. I could have kissed you every moment. And I would not care. I would have helped you rise. But instead you only helped me rise.

In the process I was lost too. The day that you went away. I lost a big part of myself too. I lost my way. But I tried to be brave. Braveness with emptiness. In the process I was lost. Really lost. Until you showed up again.

I am in awe and almost lost in words. Until you gave me the first and last kiss. Melts all the bad and hurtful things away. I could have been with you again. But you made it clear that I was not. I moved on. I tried to forget. And forgotten most of the time. But sometimes I still see you, I still feel you. I cried from time to time mostly when I am alone.

I will always be loving you.

© 2021 Jasmin

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Reviews

Shelley Warner

Very sad. Again, I like your use of repetition. "Back in time". Such a progression of discovering a tender feeling, than feeling conflicted a the loved one puts the pressure on, the feeling of losing oneself and finally the loss.