I Hate College

Bobby Whitney enters her university for the first time where she meets Alexus Hardley.

00.    I Hate College.

Standing outside of the large university, I let out a long sigh. My grandmother hadn’t even let me get out the car before she was already speeding off. Figures, I thought to myself. It’s not like she wanted me home.

Someone slammed into me causing me to drop all of my stuff on the steps of the university. “Sorry.” She replied, her snapback pushed down over her eyes. “I can be clumsy.” She kneeled down to assist me in picking up my bags. “This is a lot of stuff.”

“Oh trust me, you have no idea.” I scoffed as I checked behind me once more to make sure all of my stuff was behind me. “I’ve got a ton more. I’m Bobby Whitney.” I cringed at the sound of my own name. “Yeah, like.. Bobby and Whitney.”

“Who?” She lifted an eyebrow and my mouth dropped open a bit. “Alexus Hardly.”

“Well Hardly. I love you already.” I smiled. “You don’t know who Whitney and Bobby are.” I laughed and she tilted her head sideways.

“No. Should I?”
        “No!” I drew back trying not to sound too pushy. After all, she was the first person to give my sorry a*s attention. High school had been the worst four years of my life. I wasn’t even visible to the kids there until I became a senior and started listening to a lot of rock music. I liked rap, but I couldn’t wrap my head around a great deal of it.

“It’s nice to meet you.” She said and I nodded as I dropped my bags once more and shook her hand. “What dorm are you in?”

“Uh.” I pulled out my orientation paper. I was scribbling notes about it for the first five minutes. Yet, then I spotted a guy a few rows ahead and got distracted by him. So, the great majority of the lines proceeding on the Notes page were just meaningless daydreams about him. “183.”

She laughed. “In which building?”

I bit my lip as I scanned the page of notes. “F?” I questioned my own handwriting. She took the paper from me and glanced at it. “I�"“ I fought to explain the words before her.

“This is Murphy Whitman!” She exclaimed and I frowned in confusion. “You’re describing Murphy Whitman, he’s in my Productions Class. I saw him at Orientation… Wait a minute.” She peered at the notes. “You’re in my Productions Class… I haven’t seen you.”

“Yeah, I’m a week late.” I looked down shyly. “My grandparents wanted to make sure that I cleaned my room before I left.” She shook her head amusedly.

“Well there’s good news and there’s bad news. Good news, you’re my new dormmate. Bad news, is you’re probably not going to like the other girls. We’re a little overcrowded. There are five of us.” She sighed as she held the door open for me and I dragged my things behind her.

“Five? Isn’t the standard like two?”

“Yeah, well. Kim Scott is our roommate. The other two trade rooms with her on Tuesdays so she can see this boy who lives on the other side of campus. I guess it’s a good thing because the squeaking thing gets old. I’ve never even seen his face. So that sex vicariously through your roommate myth? Doesn’t happen in our room.”

“Kim Scott.” I fought to remember.

“Yeah. Becca’s cool, you’re really going to love her. Sometimes, I wish she was actually my roommate. But she got stuck with Mecca, and I got stuck with Kim. Pretty much twins, those two.” She continued on and I struggled to focus on names. We walked into the elevator and she quickly forced the doors to close before smiling at me timidly.

“Not much of a people person, hm?” I lifted an eyebrow and she sighed loudly.

“People look at me like I’m this oozing scab on their body that they just want to rip off, but they can’t. I’m enrolled. Sorry to disappoint you if you thought I was like cool or something.”

“Dude.” I sat back against the elevator shrugging. “I’ve been ‘enrolled’ since middle school. No one’s friend. Just a space. You figure in high school things would change. College things would change. Hell, at this rate I don’t think I’ll have anyone sit next to me in the graveyard cafeteria. Just me and my headstone, chilling in the corner.”

She laughed loudly as the doors open. “I like you, kid.” She patted my shoulder as we walked down the hall. “And, I should mention this now, before I open this door…” She sighed twisting the key in the door. “Kim has sex with her boyfriend in the other room. Kim has sex with her f**k buddies… Here.” She pushed the door open and I gasped as we were greeted by a woman naked on all fours.

“Hi, Kim.”

“What the hell, Alexus? Sock on the door!”
        “No sock, Kim. You must have forgot again.” Alexus grabbed my bags as I stared at the girl before us. “We have a new roommate so if you want to, you know. Get dressed and be presentable that’d be nice.” Alexus’ tone had changed from polite and bubbly to annoyed. “You can tell your friend to come out of hiding now.”

“I’m ready Kim!” The bathroom door opened and a man stepped out completely naked. I threw my hands to my face and whirled around desperately trying to un-see what I’d just seen.

“You get used to it.” Alexus replied before glaring at Kim who rose up and chased her friend into the bathroom. She flopped on to the bed in the corner nearest the door. “Welcome to college, Bobby. You’re going learn to hate it here.”