Hope- A Polished Land

About the uncleaned and untidy land...

I had a dream of a dream,
A nation full of beautiful cream,
The soil on which i born is mine,
Why i depend on others to clean it's wine,
Am i doing duty only to get money?,
Results in nothing giving my land a look of funny.

Have i contributed any thing to my nation?,
Or i am busy in doing my ownfashion,
But never the less i had given a bad creation,

They are my friends who eat tobacco,
Doesn't mean they can throw on streets and become psycho.

Have i ever resisted myself on wrond deed?,
It react in none other than making me weed.The culture i lost ,the image i imposed,
Hints that my thoughts are getting paused.
I am the one who created child labour,
I am the one who did this favour,
Will i ever be the one to become a jaber,

I am GOD of waste,
I am the generator ,
I am the operator, And i am the destroyer.

I usually show my nature of nice,
Every deed of mine progresses in country's demise.
For selfishness i played this as a game,
But how so ever i lost my own fame.
What a sort of player i am,
Just putting water on futures lamp.

The water i worshiped main,
I put every thing in it how insane.

Now, i want a hope of life ,
Without land and water how will i survive.
I regret on my act of self-interest,
Surely i will bring my nation up from waste arrest.
I won't be afraid of people's thought,
Because i am the one who started this fought.I regret that i spoiled a lot,
But a sign of happiness that i wont be fully caught.
Thank you

Author's Note

Please give me reviews about my poem

Reviews

[Coyote Poetry]

A lot was said in the poetry.
"Now, i want a hope of life ,
Without land and water how will i survive.
I regret on my act of self-interest, "
All of us waste and it is sad. We need water and earth more then she needs us. Thank you for sharing the excellent poetry.
Coyote

[Jasbir Kaur]

Thank you so much Coyote

[Coyote Poetry]

You are welcome Jasbir.

[barleygirl]

I get the idea that your poem is from the viewpoint of God, telling about his possible disappointment in the way we (as humans) have not acted in the best interest of our planet & our fellow humans & creatures. This is a good effort to express a complex series of social issues (I think) . . . but there are a number of lines that just don't make sense to me. I think you are reaching to use a rhyming word in many places when the meaning of the word is not as good as it could be to express your message. I would encourage you to simply try writing your message in good clear English, without worrying about rhyming. Such poetic tricks can come later. It's more important to write clearly & you need some practice in this.

[Nessly]

I'm not sure if this piece is about pollution or duty to one's homeland. Perhaps both? I enjoyed reading your poem. Thanks for sharing.

[Jasbir Kaur]

Thank you so much for the feedback. Yes it is based on perhaps both.

[Nessly]

Welcome :)

[annalysiar]

This was detailed and well versed. Great write I love how you played the verbage to set your tone.

[Jasbir Kaur]

Thank you so much for your feedback

[Swati Nayak]

nice message.,,,as a fellow Indian I realised the responsibilities I have toward my nation....
you do have an interesting style of writing,madam,your verses simply speak to my mind

[Jasbir Kaur]

Thank you swati

[Surya]

yep, I agree with you.And I will give m part in cleaning the nation...
I loved your poem, Thank you for sharing.

[Jasbir Kaur]

Thank you so much

[Ashish]

It is really awesome..
Simple words that are making this lucrative..
I am waiting for more writing from u.. :)
And yes may be there is a typing mistake "wrond" should be "wrong"

[Jasbir Kaur]

Oh yes ! I am sorry for the mistake.
Thanks a lot for your feedback

[Ashish]

My pleasure ..and yes keep writing.. :)

[Valentine]

I like the last grouping the best. Valentine

[Jasbir Kaur]

Thank you so much

[FArhaan FAzal]

such a beautiful way of describing ones love for his homeland. loved it. keep up the good work

[Jasbir Kaur]

Thank you so much

[Homason]

One line captured my interest "I had a dream of a dream" very nice and perfect. ...but lengthy...n too many cuts n variations ---causing the mind to ponder on the actual point. you could do better if you did against these. #selfviewthough.

[Jasbir Kaur]

Thank you for the feedback. I will keep your advice for the next time.

[Homason]

You're welcome.