My Dream

enjoy

 

 

 

I rest on my head on the ductile, white pillow and pulled the sheet up to my neck. The ticking of my alarm clock, impeccably placed on the nightstand. It read 10:58pm. The light from my fluorescent lamp was as comforting as a massage. It created a sense of calm elegance. Music from my iPod loitered as I drifted off. I closed my eyes, and dream. Dreaming of all the good, the bad, and the pleasing. I dreamed that I was on a mountain. The mountain was cloaked in a blanket of dirty snow. I was in nothing but my PJ'S and some how I was not cold, and I could breathe just fine. I walk down the slope, no one was around me. Just I and the mountain. Just as god intended it. Then it hit me, I was walking down the bridge of the nose of the Almighty . However, the force came and caused me to fall off the mountain. As I feel, the mountain faded, and It got darker and darker. I did not scream or have any expression nor emotion. Just me, floating around in an empty space. Blue Öyster Cult playing. Then, a sound, from no where, I tried to look but all I ended up doing is tossing and turning in mid-air. And the alarming sound got louder and louder until I open my eyes. I hit the dismiss button on my alarm clock. The bright light from the sun tried to pier through the blinds of my small window, but all that came out where strips of light pinned against my wall. I turned and looked at my clock, it read 7:02.
 

Author's Note

BE TRUTHFUL AND POINT OUT ANY ERRORS

Reviews

[Lizanne]

You are amazing with this writing. The visual descriptions are great and I love the walking down the bridge of the nose of the Almighty. I cannot say enough about this writing. You have moved forward so quickly. You do need to do a little editing. Your second sentence is not a complete statement. The light shining is from a lamp not a light. Try...I closed my eyes to dream. You do not need comma's between a word and the word and. Otherwise you did a fantastic job at this short story.

[Rick Puetter]

Dea J.R.,

Nice, interesting write. I'll send technical comments under separate cover. Here I want to concentrate on the artistic aspect of the piece, and I think the entire dream is painted quite naturally. It felt like a real dream. So nice job.

Best regards,

Rick

[The Elder]

I have to agree with Lizanne, you need to do some editing. There are several instances of changing tenses mid sentence, "I closed my eyes and dream" should be either "I closed my eyes and dreamed", or, "I close my eyes and dream".
"The ticking of my alarm clock, impeccably placed on the nightstand. It read 10:58pm." would read much better as "My alarm clock, impeccably placed on the nightstand, read 10:58pm."