Guess Whats In The Coffin

my own fear, hard to write this but i did! enjoy

I woke up to a piece of wood about an inch or two away from my face. The smell of wood shavings from what seemed to be a freshly cut wood coffin, infused my nostrils with its unmistakable odor. I felt to my left. Wood. I felt to my right. More wood. I was hyperventilating at this point. It was pitching black, everywhere I shifted seemed to make contact to the coffin walls with a frightful sound. I pressed the palms of my hands against the wood in front. Nothing. "Somebody?!" I screamed but my voice fell upon stone-deaf ears. "Help!" I tried to hammer my fists into it but the lack of space stripped away all my momentum. The width of my body had only a couple of inches to move. I hollered louder and banged my fists harder. No one could hear me, no one could feel my presence. My breathing grew faster and harder. "Someone help me!" I restated over and over and louder and louder. I fantasized someone would open the casket and say "Wow son, are you ok?" but no. Nothingness. At one point, I could hear the dirt rub against the casket. I was getting desperate. I started to claw the wood with my short nails. After a while, each one either broke or severed completely off. Tears rolled down my face. "I want out of here!" "Please god! I want out!" Slowly the air was becoming less gratifying. I coughed and wheezed until my body went forever desensitized.

 

Author's Note

just tell me what you think and point out any errors

Reviews

[Fran Marie]

Let me guess? Not a corpse to be sure lol~How about a breathing soul
but not for long j/k

seriously being buried alive! Yikes! anyone's worst nightmare!
to bad you didn' have a dead ringer you could have been saved
by the bell~

Way back when~to avoid people being buried alive, a string would be tied to the wrist of each corpse, threaded through the coffin,up through the ground, and tied to a bell.

Someone would have to sit in the graveyard all night and listen for the bell to ring, just in case the corpse was not really a corpse.

Glad you enjoyed writing this I enjoyed reading it ~WeLL DonE!!

[Grey_Man]

This piece was quite captivating, from the word go you are pulled into the desperation that his person is feeling and his frantic bid for freedom. I also like your reference to God. God seems to always find a mention at the final acts or in the most desperate times. A lot of the time whether you had believed or not.

[Free Writer]

Oh my god! That gave me shivers, no lie! That's really freaky, and when the character said how they began to breathe harder and faster I found myself doing the same. This is very good! Great Job!! :)

[lindsay]

Being buried alive is something that scares me. This is really good write of what might be going through the head of that person. Great job!

[Lizanne]

Claustophbia, themorbid fear of being confined in closed places. The fear of being buried alive, both are mucha alike. Except you may escape from the confined space alive, unless you hyperventilate yourself to death. The fear of beind buried alive could mean many things, but one thing that it means is the insecurity that someone will value you enough to rescue you from this horrific fate. But remember in today's society if you are buried alive, it is intentional. After being embalmed you will certainly not awaken upon being placed in the ground. I thoroughly enjoyed this trip into the macabre with you. This is still a centuries ofear that we cannot seem to dispel, makes you wonder.........Great story!

[The Rock And Roll Cowbo..]

I find it to be symbolic of someone confined by there own fears... nicely written and expressed.

[Melissa Rose]

this is pretty sweet! not going to lie, it scared me, and i will probably have nightmares tonight. but i assume that means a job well done!

[Colin Hough]

Clever move, tapping in to the basic human fear of being buried alive. What is so particularly interesting here is that you avoid explaining why he is in this predicament in the first place and immediately cut to the chase.

You also avoid tying things up nicey with a "happy ending". That would've been so wrong. This guy is DOOMED, he knows it and so do WE! Deliciously disturbing. Well done!

[Marlena]

So creepy ~ XD The only error I noticed was the very first line, "I woke up to a piece of wood about an inch or too away from my face." it should be "two" not "too". Otherwise, I thought this was really scary, as I kind of have the same fear as well lol. Nice work!

[Georgia Gypsy]

Spine tingling. Felt a little claustrophobia set in when my imagination took me there, unsettling to say the least....
Great emotion,
i noticed one typo(i think, it says with instead of width 4th line new sentance at the end)
i will email you with a thought, over all I love this! i'm going to send read requests to a few who i think will enjoy this too.!