Guess Whats In The Coffin

my own fear, hard to write this but i did! enjoy

I woke up to a piece of wood about an inch or two away from my face. The smell of wood shavings from what seemed to be a freshly cut wood coffin, infused my nostrils with its unmistakable odor. I felt to my left. Wood. I felt to my right. More wood. I was hyperventilating at this point. It was pitching black, everywhere I shifted seemed to make contact to the coffin walls with a frightful sound. I pressed the palms of my hands against the wood in front. Nothing. "Somebody?!" I screamed but my voice fell upon stone-deaf ears. "Help!" I tried to hammer my fists into it but the lack of space stripped away all my momentum. The width of my body had only a couple of inches to move. I hollered louder and banged my fists harder. No one could hear me, no one could feel my presence. My breathing grew faster and harder. "Someone help me!" I restated over and over and louder and louder. I fantasized someone would open the casket and say "Wow son, are you ok?" but no. Nothingness. At one point, I could hear the dirt rub against the casket. I was getting desperate. I started to claw the wood with my short nails. After a while, each one either broke or severed completely off. Tears rolled down my face. "I want out of here!" "Please god! I want out!" Slowly the air was becoming less gratifying. I coughed and wheezed until my body went forever desensitized.

 

Author's Note

just tell me what you think and point out any errors

Reviews

[Fran Marie]

Let me guess? Not a corpse to be sure lol~How about a breathing soul
but not for long j/k

seriously being buried alive! Yikes! anyone's worst nightmare!
to bad you didn' have a dead ringer you could have been saved
by the bell~

Way back when~to avoid people being buried alive, a string would be tied to the wrist of each corpse, threaded through the coffin,up through the ground, and tied to a bell.

Someone would have to sit in the graveyard all night and listen for the bell to ring, just in case the corpse was not really a corpse.

Glad you enjoyed writing this I enjoyed reading it ~WeLL DonE!!

[Richard Longbow]

Wow, I felt claustrophobic just reading it. Well done. It captures how I imagine I'd feel if I were buried alive.

[Megan Marie]

Intense and creepy, I felt very vivid images, not only did I see a boy in a coffin not being able to escape, but a lost boy in life, just looking for someone, someone to confide in, and someone to save him from the situation he is in.
:)

[Kelley Quinn]

That was creepingly intense. Kept me on my toes for sure! You took the old idea of "buried alive" and turned it into something more creative. I like it. Hope you write more soon!

[Nikki <3]

Very gewd ^^ It made me think " What if this happened to me???? Skareh...

[The Elder]

Well done! You seem to have terrified all the previous reviewers so it would seem you achieved your goal.

[Voison]

Amazing detail in your writing, the way you described your sense of panic, immaculate writing, a joy to read

[Jessica M.]

Brutal. But then again being buried alive definitely would be. I can't even imagine the level of claustrophobia that one would achieve knowing escape would never come. Nice imagery, nice write.

[Cassandra D.]

Being burried alive is evryone's worst nightmare, but I don't really think it will be a first choice for a murderer to choose. It was interesting, though. At first I thought you were talking about a vampire in there, but when I started reading, boy was I wrong...lol. But, of course, it is a horrible way for any person to die. I for one, will never like to die in that way.
I don't really know why there will be a person saying, "wow son are you okay?" if the narrator is stuck inside the casket and had no way of coming out. If a person will be murdered in such a nasty way, I don't think he would say that. Oh my gosh, but it will be very mean if it were a trick of some kind, I can just picture it in my head.
Anyways, imagination these days will totally get you as scared as possibly can. If you dream about this tonight and imagine it was you, this will be a night you'll wish never happened, believe me... Haha, it was very interesting and I did like the way you said the whole thing. I liked the imagery. And the last part where the narrator's body became numb forever, was very good, but a lot of people would have put that (I did once)

This was very cool. I had to read it over again if you wanted any errors and didn't really seem to find any. This was awesome by the way! I liked it, keep up the great work!

[Rick Puetter]

Dear J.R.,

Completely terrifying. A horrible, desperate way to go and without purpose or meaning. One can only bless the end of suffering that comes as the mind numbs with the lack of air.

Well written.

Best regards,

Rick

[Ellen Hammond]

Being claustrophobic this really made my spine tingle. Very well written and I like how you ended it too. Just one little thing I noticed, Your wrote:

"I screamed but my voice fall upon stone-deaf ears. "

I think that "fall' should have been 'fell' or, 'falls'.

Other than that little thing it is great.