The Penguin and the Pigeon Go Sk8ing in the Deadlands

a nonsensical action sequence between two skating birds who happen to be friends. originally part of a series of episodes written in a composition notebook, this was the least boring rendition :-)

"Look at me goooo!!" The Penguin yelled with a crack as he rolled down a humongous piece of ship debris, stretching as long as a football stadium. However his screams were a bit unfitting considering how slowly he was going, the Penguin never picking up much speed due to the rusty surface. The Pigeon blankly watched as the Penguin jaggedly made his way down.

"Need a little help?" The Pigeon called.

The Penguin was struggling to balance, "No! I'm good!"

The Pigeon kicked her skateboard down and started gliding across the slate of pavement, looking for a place to try tricks. She came across a huge crack, one seeming to be caused by an explosion of some sort; she admired it as she rolled closer, casually ollieing over it to keep her speed.

As she continued to analyze her surroundings she came across a dead carcass, wincing at the decaying smell. She rode a bit closer to discover an old wooden bow stuck in the hands of the corpse. With curiosity the Pigeon kicked her skateboard up and tried to pry the bow out of it's hands... nothing. She took a breath to ignore the gross smell and tried again with full force... pop! The bow was free, the Pigeon admiring it's construction. She looked over to the Penguin in the distance, seeing he was now a bit more than halfway down the debris' surface now. With a look of mischievous play the Pigeon searched the rubble and picked up a small rock. She inserted the rock against the bow string and pulled, aiming for the Pigeon's bouncing head... fling!

The Pigeon watched as the rock fell by his feet; too weak. She picked up another and inserted it, this time putting in more force and tilting the bow to aim higher... fling!

"Ow!" The Penguin startled in balance as the rock knocked him in the head. Bullseye! The Penguin looked around to find the pigeon in the distance reloading her bow. His face lit up, "Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey hold on!"

Fling!

The rock was too heavy landing in the pile of rubble before him. The Penguin smiled widely as he hurriedly kicked to pick up speed, the bumpy ground shaking him. The Pigeon looked through the rubble grabbing a smaller rock, jumping on her skateboard to match his speed. The penguin speeding down the debris as the Pigeon rolled after him, carefully aiming to ensure accuracy... fling!

Bonk-

The Penguin toppled over with a perfect shot at his wing, the main thing that was helping him keep balance. The Pigeon smiled in victory as the penguin rolled down the debris, his skateboard chasing after him.

The two finally met at the bottom of the hill, the Pigeon smiling at the playfully angry Penguin.

"That hurt!" he screeched, "I got a bunch of scratches, I can feel the tetanus growing on my arm..."

The Pigeon started laughing in victory, "Do I need to bring out the saw?" She choked on her humor.

The Penguin was getting up, "That's not how tetanus works!" He started jumping on her to get the bow, the Pigeon only laughing harder as she held the bow above her head.

The Pigeon brought herself back down to a giggle, "fight me for it," she threw him a metal rod as she got back on her board, "Prove you are worthy of the antidote to arm tetanus."

The Penguin smiled as he grabbed the metal rod, holding it in the air as if he were a knight and it was his trusty sword. "I will destroy you!" The Penguin got on his skateboard as the Pigeon grabbed a rock.

The Pigeon kicked off, "First person to be knocked off the board loses."

The Penguin followed after her, "Okay but," he yelled over the frantic bumping over rocks, "What counts as off? What if I do a sick kickflip or something so I'm in mid-air and..."

The Pigeon shifted as her board picked up speed, "That won't happen."

"But like what if-"

"You are knocked off when both feet are off the board and any part of your body is on the ground."

The Penguin smiled and kicked frankly to pick up speed. "Now that's a rule."

The Pigeon immediately started to speed up, now realizing she wouldn't be able to see the Penguin while she's kicking, but the Penguin could see her. She sped up even faster, kicking frantically to find some sort of hill where she could turn the chase to the Penguin, allowing her to aim as she rode. She then saw in the distance a huge piece of metal in the shape of a ramp, this was her shot. She sped up, kicking faster than she ever kicked before, feeling the Penguin fall behind.

"Hey, get back here!" The Penguin called out, picking up his speed.

The ramp came closer in view, it's rusted surface gaining detail. The Pigeon squatted in preparation, envisioning her move.

Go!

She flew up the ramp, floating in the air she turned to the distant Penguin impressed. Gravity thrusted back in, she aimed her bow as she fluidly flew back down to the ramp, now speeding right at the Penguin she... Flung!

BAM!

Right in the face The Penguin was knocked over, the Pigeon smiling as she flew by. She swerved to a stop looking back at where the Penguin should have lay.. "what?" the Pigeon exclaimed in confusion.

The Penguin he... he was still on his board! The Pigeon watched as the Penguin hanging on for dear life pulled himself back on his skateboard, standing back up dramatically. "You thought you could defeat me?!" The Penguin boomed.

The Pigeon flustered, "Come on!"

The Penguin grinned as he raised his metal rod, kicking at the Pigeon furiously. He swung, she dodged, kicking her board sideways in the process to gain momentum. She started after him, grabbing a rock as she flew across the gritty lands. In the distance was a spear stuck in the ground, the Penguin harshly grabbed it, pulling himself towards it to create a clever swerve.

The Pigeon coughed in his dust, being thrown off by the sudden turn. The Penguin used this to his advantage, turning back around, charging at the Pigeon once again. The Pigeon cornered with little time left she kept her blank stare of dignity.

In time that can only be measured by the Penguin's swing the Pigeon jumped gracefully, pushing her board to roll past the Penguin, chaotically landing back on the skateboard barely keeping balance.

The Penguin came to a swerving stop, once again shook by the Pigeon's last minute stunts. The Penguin was done, he had reached his last loss.

Time to bump it up a notch.

The Penguin kicked after the Pigeon, swinging furiously as the Pigeon dodged shakily in surprise. She turned back around circling the Penguin with aim. She flung, missing him by an inch. The Penguin followed as the Pigeon reloaded, circling around her. The two fought back and forth in the never-ending circle, a battle of the greats. The Penguin swinging as the Pigeon flinging, each hit a legendary miss. All till the cycle was broken, the Penguin's swing smacking the Pigeon right in the beak! She stumbled, landing backwards on her board the Pigeon was out of control, rolling backwards into.... into a ditch!

The Penguin stopped suddenly, realizing the danger at hand.The Pigeon was gonna die!

"Penguin!!" The Pigeon screamed rolling into the dark deep ditch. The Penguin jumped off his board, letting the sharp of pieces of rubble dig into his feet he dashed to the terrified Pigeon, "Pigeon!"

"Ahhhhh!" Her board flung itself down the ditch. Her screams faded into echoey darkness...

"No!!!" The Penguin fell to the ground, his heart still holding onto the beat that watched the Pigeon fall, waiting, hoping...

...

That was when the ground began to shake!

It shook a quake like the Penguin had never felt before! Yes, as almost in response to his prayers a gooey red creature rose from the ditch.

The Penguin froze, watching it's million eyes blink and it's gaping mouth stretch open the Penguin squinted and yes! There was the Pigeon sitting petrified on her board in the creature's mouth!

As if the ramp to a space-ship met the unrolling of a red carpet the monster released it's tongue unto the rock surface and let gravity roll the Pigeon out back onto the sweet ground. The Pigeon looked up at her slimy savior in gratitude, then back forward where she stood on her skateboard, towered over the collapsed Penguin.

"Pigeon!" The Penguin exclaimed, "You're alive!"

"Penguin," She looked him up and down. "You're not on your board." A victorious smile creeped upon the Pigeon's face as she said this, the Penguin's eyes of gratitude quickly morphing into a stare of fury.

He sighed, "No fair!"

She laughed, "Yes fair!"

The Pigeon looked behind her, waving goodbye to the kind monster who saved her. The creature blinked in a derpy fashion, descending back into the dark ditch.

The two were covered in mud and cuts, the Pigeon broke in. "Wanna get some juice?"

The Penguin punched her arm, "Do not act like you won, we still need to debate how the rules account for the intrusion of a giant monster who for some reason lacks of appetite for pigeon!!" the Pigeon punched him back harder "Oww..." The Penguin winced, "right in the tetanus..."

"So that's a yes." the Pigeon responded.

And it was, for the two made their way home, the Penguin limping as the Pigeon skating.

Author's Note

This story isn't really to be taken seriously- it's just a big hodgepodge of dialogue and action...
but if you actually bothered to read this whole thing, thank you! I am both impressed and flattered I was able to hold your attention :)

Reviews

[Katy]

Hi! Well, you know since you've read my writings I'm not an expert on things, but I do know enough to know that the plot is very funny and sweet, and these definitely seem like two characters you could use in other stories which is something I have yet to really figure out (using the same characters in multiple pbooks or stories and having it work and not be repetetive.)

But this is about you. It definitely seems like a story that could be published in a book of short stories that would be found on the shelves of an elementary school library. Only thing is maybe see how it looks if you divide the paragraph after clever swerve. I'm not sure how that would look and you might like it the other way.

I imagine this was not a very helpful review but since you've been reading my writings I thought I'd try and return the favor. Hope it was at least somewhat helpful or at least encouraging!

[Jargyn]

Ah thank you I really appreciate it! I'm actually surprised that was the only flaw because I originally wrote this as a for-fun, little editing, messy handwriting story so I was expected it would be jam-packed with awkward bits.
Thank you for the comment even if it be a small note on format it actually means a lot you stuck in to read it, I will be adding that paragraph divide because I agree with you it makes most sense, plus I forgot to capitalize the "t" in the sentence following it, whoops.