My mother’s ring.

The love of a mother for his kids I ponder on. My mother loved me so much and I am not bragging I am just scared to live up to that love, I felt daunted. My only hope is that love is strong enough.

My mom from Peru south America meet my English dad as he was travelling through south America, my mom was a little strange as I grew older, I don’t think she was properly diagnosed but also her surroundings weren’t great and her life with my dad. I love my mom and she would get into arguments with my grandparents, I felt loved by her. With time my mom started believing in evil people and that she will catch deceases. My dad couldn’t take it anymore and left off back to the UK when I was four and I was left with my grandparents. As I grew up I will be with my mom but I would not feel ashamed but I could see my grandparents and the rest of my family would. I guess I didn’t because I spent so much time with her and she would come and play in the park with me. There always asking me if I wanted food or if I had milk was my mom. With time I finished my secondary school and eventually was sent to London here in GB. With time as I was far I couldn’t help any more I had limited resources no way to move forward and no way to move back. I felt no one could care for my mom and I think that might have been the case. Eventually I was so happy to see my mom, but with time I started wondering about her health because South America isn’t the easies place to live in people are out to get you. I always wanted to make things better, she looked o helpless and when I leave her to come back to Europe I would worry, and I see the little lady once very smart who studied at a foreign university in the states, she would constantly repeat the stories of the past of how she was in the volleyball team, how she lived close to the beach, places call Fresno, boyfriends who will buy a rose every day of the year for her, plane rides or the beautiful light blue Volkswagen. How she enjoyed California, and exams only five would pass and she was one of them, her English grammar and vocabulary always amazed me as I could never have that, I always made spelling errors. She was incredible at making people angry if she wanted to, that made me think how smart she was, but also I understood what a lonely live she had.

One day I wished I had a present every day in the year and she bought me a present every day! I was going to make her see a doctor, I worried about her walking alone on the street, she looked like a foreigner in a foreign land, and she looked isolated in her current mental health. I was get her a decent apartment, but I had no means I was far across the Atlantic Ocean, she wouldn’t trust doctors and I couldn’t convince her as she had horrible experiences in the past were she was taken against her will, she was sedated and woke up in a psychiatrist unit and since then she was very scared of my grandparents and my grandma will use this to intimidate her at times when anger took over her rational senses, which was often enough. Lucky enough for us she wasn’t that strong to use brutal force.

There was nothing I could actually do, all I knew was that she was always since I was conscious she looked forward to seeing me whether it was after school which was often and I believe this keep her in a good state or when I was studying abroad in England and after two years I would go back to check on her but there was nothing else, seeing me was the only thing she was looking forward in life. When I was away some things changed, there was also a sense of relief, the pressure reduced the further I was and the longer away I was. I will eventually have girlfriends which I will invite back for Christmas and my family where racist, they didn’t like dark people and past girl friends were hated by my grandma. Eventually after all the stress my family meet my GF, how to explain all this issues to people who never experience foreign cultures as latin ones with a pinch of stress soaked families. My grandma use to teach in national schools and I am sure that had an impact on her, because her sisters were not as paranoiac, short fused or enjoyed releasing their anger like she did. Only later in life as I taught in a few national schools were students smelt of alcohol and brought knives to class I realised what she must have gone through to be the person she was as I was an infant and teenager, at times she made excuses that she stopped working to take care of me, I can’t really know but I use to be in kinder garden until my dad left when I was 4 then I started primary school so at no point I was in the house alone when I arrived home from school it was already 4pm and my mom will play with me until my grandma came home by 5:30 and then my granddad at 6-7pm from work. So I believe it was just an excuse to stop teaching as she took a lot of stress from it.

Any how all those years my mom loved me and my dad even though my dad left and stayed away, I didn’t see him until I was 9 when he paid for me and my mom to go to GB. I guess he felt scared of coming back and preferred us to go visit him, he just up and left and that made me loose respect for him as he wasn’t responsible for us no more and just scape. I am not saying that one way is right and another is wrong but they all have their results and leaving a sick mother with your child isn’t the smart thing to do, then again he was adopted so I guess my dad’s experience of life was different.

So back to the story, I was introducing my gf to my family and I was scared of what my family and what they were going to do to her. The crazy thing was that my gf was incredible with my mom, I felt so happy my whole family wanted a piece of my gf Laurel Fleck, she was a very smart literacy teacher who made my family feel warm and made my mom feel special.

Since then my GF have always been great with my mom which was one of the key requirements when I looked for a girl, I always looked at how my gf will treat people with disabilities and how they handle anger. Time went by and my mom became stronger *****(More on my mom’s life and cancer)

For better or for worst as she became better she started arguing more and this made my grandparents upset as she will be good at arguing in a smart manner where my grandma couldn’t control her anger no more. This is when she was sent to the Psychiatric unit against her will and also without letting me know. I was then working as a teacher and worked my a*s off in a s**t school, meaning a school with a high level with special need students who required special teachers instead of me but because there weren’t any well trained teachers and instead they just grabbed whoever was willing to spent time with time I got the job. So I saved money and saved until I bought a ticket to visit my family and I did without letting them know. When I arrived what greeted me was a surprise, my granddad open the door and stood behind the gates of my house waiting with a smile to see my mom, shouting momy.. and after a minute or so I wonder why my granddad wasn’t opening the gate so I asked why don’t you let me in? He woke up from some kind of spell and rush to the gate and opened it. He then said she was in hospital, I asked but didn’t get answers but kept calm. It happened the day before… if I could have arrived one day before, if I could have surprised them one day before I might been able to stop it, stop the whole avalanche which was to start.

I then stayed in Peru for 6-9 months visiting the hospital every day with all kinds of things to bring the moods up, it must have been a two months, from guitar to magazines all kinds which eventually they were passed around. I think my mom made friends there, life change a little for me to stayed in the looney hotel.

For many this people were crazy for me they didn’t, I don’t know how else to say, but I am not special it’s because this people made it special my mom made me laugh and when she talked she never lied about anything people think that they can lie and no one notices but they only think this because the people nod as the liars speak the reason they nod is because they feel sorry for lairs and this is mistaken. Moms know their kids are lying and kids know moms are lying but both just try to make the other feel better.

I had my birthday celebrated in the looney house, it was lots of fun I have to say and from that we both me and my mom actually had a really good time there. The only thing I didn’t like was when she asked to go out and have a pizza. All I could say was, soon momi, just a few more days, every morning we would go walking around the tree doing circle after circle chatting about the day, about what I was doing, how I worked with students about her life in the states. We will stretch, speak in English, I will read articles from magazines, we will read Condorito, the nurses looked after her I was the only who came so often and use to stay late, until 8pm from 10am. She eventually came out and was fine, when I came back to Europe. People think they are owed something if they eat right or if they are good to people but that is not how it happens. At all times you have to cherish the luck you have just to have a minuscule millisecond in the history of the universe, until we can go as fast as the speed of light, then we won’t age at all, but then it will be too dark to see so I think this way is better.