Merman

 

He was a beast of the sea, but a beauty in my eyes,

Oh how I waited by the rocks as the sun would rise.

To see the cuts on his body and oh I wanted to touch,

His olive skin and beautiful green eyes I love so much.

The “Beast” is what they call him because they don’t know him,

For me to love him to everyone is just a sin.

I love to see the sun set in his arms as his fins hit my toes,

What we shared the sea nor the world would know.

The taste of his lips so sweet and when he caressed me I never wanted to part,

What is this love with the “Beast” I began to start.

I awake wanting him with every part of me,

Oh when I spotted him I lit up with glee.

They capture him and take him far away,

I still search for him till the close of day.

I cannot eat, sleep or breathe without my beast near,

I await my death without him near, my face in sorrow as I begin to tear……

Reviews

[Sydelle Houston]

I agree with lunasjade, you can do without two of those oh's. Think of some other one syllable words you can use instead. Other than that, it was an interesting and imaginative 'fish love' poem.... ;-)

[xlynne]

i thought this was a great poem. you expressed true love and devotion as well as unwavering loyalty so poignantly and truly. the only thing that bothered me was when you said oh so many times. maybe its just me, but i think 'oh' should be reserved for songs. but thats just my opinion. 4th line between eyes and i love i think you should put the word that and the 5th and 6th lines i think you should put The 'Beast' is what they call him for they do not know him/To everyone my love for him is simply sin. that's just what i think though. your poem is still great and wonderfully inventive.