My Life Is Hell

Please do not judge me bc of the fugged up smit you're bout to read in this poem.....I think I have a pretty valid reason for everything you read. BTW, "fugged" means "fucked" and "smit" means "s**t" I'm trying to quit cussing so I'm substituting.

I cry and I scream

I punch and I kick

I fall to the ground

My life is hell

I've lost the battle

And probably the war as well

I just want to die sometimes

Sometimes there isn't much reason to live

I cry and I scream

I punch and I kick

I fall to the ground

My life is hell

 

My life is hell

I struggle not to go back to my old ways

Not to open a bottle of pills and take about five

My life is hell

I struggle just to close my eyes at night

My past haunting me through nightmares

Nightmares that are so cold and horrific

That I hardly ever sleep unless I'm drugged

My life is hell

 

My life is hell

Through fear I've about died

Through pure willpower I didn't know I had I survived

My life is hell

Through tears I saw the light of day

Through the light I saw the dark that lurks in wait of prey

I grow distant and cold

Afraid to let anyone close

I won't allow anyone to touch me because of this fear

My life is hell

 

My life is hell

And no matter how far out of my fear I get

The shadows and nightmares are soon to remind me

That my past was aweful, so is my present

And that is just one reminder that my future will be the same

Full of fear and the dark that waits for me to break

The evil that I have escaped through sheer luck and willpower

But my life is hell

I'll never be able to run forever

Because no matter what I do

My life is hell

 

And it will always be hell

And the past will catch up

All the suicide attempts rushing back at me full blast

My life is hell

My world will fall to pieces around me

I'll finish the job myself out of pure fear

Not wanting the dark in the light to finish the job itself

That evil in everything good that has my heart racing

My life is hell

I'll take an entire bottle of pills this time

Making sure I'm dead and gone quickly

No more slow suicide attempts

That take two years to kill me off

My life is hell

No holding a gun to head

Oh no, that would make too much of a mess

And when someone found me with my brains blown out

They'd be horrified and not know what to do

My life is hell

At least taking pills is something everyone is familiar with

It's not unchartterd territory

I have a history of pill popping

Of cutting too, so that might work as well as pills

My life is hell

 

My life is hell

I accepted that a long time ago

And have been building my courage for the day to finally say

"F**K YOU, B***H!" to the whole f*****g world 

And finally ending my life

Finally telling the whole motherfucking world that, 

"MY LIFE WAS HELL! AND I'M ENDING THIS HORROR STORY!" 

 

 

Author's Note

If you judge by what I was and how I think of my smitty life, then don't even bother with reviewing. If you see a soul that needs someone to talk to, comforted, ppl to trust...then review honestly. If you feel like offering a comforting ear, then send me fuggin message. If you just feel the fug sorry for me....STAY THE FUG AWAY FROM ME AND FUGGIN WORK!!! DON'T BOTHER REVIEWING, OR SENDING MESSAGES, OR LOOKIN AT MY PROFILE, OR SENDING FUGGIN FRIENDS REQ. BC PERSONALLY I DON'T HAVE THE FUGGIN TIME TO WASTE ON SOMEONE WHO JUST FEELS THE FUG SORRY FOR ME!!!! GOOD-BYE IF YOU'RE ONE OF THE PPL WHO FEEL SORRY AND DON'T LET THE FUGGIN DOOR HIT YOU ON YOUR WAY OUT!!!!

Reviews

[Wolfe Greytome]

Why would someone feel sorry for you? This piece clearly showcases your amazing writing ability - as well as giving us a glimpse at your strength of character. What I take away from this piece is this: Life's a b***h....but I'm a bigger b***h so Life can just kiss my a*s.

I find that to be an attitude that is very similar to the attitude prevalent in Dylan Thomas' "Do Not Go Gentle Into that Good Night" - very well written piece...as I have come to expect from you. Good Job!!

[~Shadow Kissed~]

nice ur really good at expressing urself good poem :)

[I'llPlayTheJuliet]

*cries*
oh my god, this was oh so many things
Amazing,
sadening,
horrifying,
great,
and just so good.
Just stay opptimisic,(not trying to sound preatchy lol i dont think thats how u spell it.) I know it is hard believe me i know, so many things make you wanna go back
you think to yourself "it will all go away if I just open one of them that had faded."
it is by far the hardest thing I have done, but with each day that I don't I find myself relizing how insane I was to believe that I was happy when really I was just becoming sadder, finding more and more reasons to do it. And now I might not be fantastic or great by finally for once in the past 3 years Im not bad or horrible, Im good. now adays I feel so much guilt and almost stupidity when I look at my scars.. I see them as a bad and a good thing, bad thing is I look them and instantly feel how I felt when I made each certain cut, the good thing being that they are a constant reminder of how I don't want to go back to that, I want my life to be spent fufilling my dreams not wollowing in things that are totally fucked up. just saying....if you really truely want it to get better it will....