My Life Is Hell

Please do not judge me bc of the fugged up smit you're bout to read in this poem.....I think I have a pretty valid reason for everything you read. BTW, "fugged" means "fucked" and "smit" means "s**t" I'm trying to quit cussing so I'm substituting.

I cry and I scream

I punch and I kick

I fall to the ground

My life is hell

I've lost the battle

And probably the war as well

I just want to die sometimes

Sometimes there isn't much reason to live

I cry and I scream

I punch and I kick

I fall to the ground

My life is hell

 

My life is hell

I struggle not to go back to my old ways

Not to open a bottle of pills and take about five

My life is hell

I struggle just to close my eyes at night

My past haunting me through nightmares

Nightmares that are so cold and horrific

That I hardly ever sleep unless I'm drugged

My life is hell

 

My life is hell

Through fear I've about died

Through pure willpower I didn't know I had I survived

My life is hell

Through tears I saw the light of day

Through the light I saw the dark that lurks in wait of prey

I grow distant and cold

Afraid to let anyone close

I won't allow anyone to touch me because of this fear

My life is hell

 

My life is hell

And no matter how far out of my fear I get

The shadows and nightmares are soon to remind me

That my past was aweful, so is my present

And that is just one reminder that my future will be the same

Full of fear and the dark that waits for me to break

The evil that I have escaped through sheer luck and willpower

But my life is hell

I'll never be able to run forever

Because no matter what I do

My life is hell

 

And it will always be hell

And the past will catch up

All the suicide attempts rushing back at me full blast

My life is hell

My world will fall to pieces around me

I'll finish the job myself out of pure fear

Not wanting the dark in the light to finish the job itself

That evil in everything good that has my heart racing

My life is hell

I'll take an entire bottle of pills this time

Making sure I'm dead and gone quickly

No more slow suicide attempts

That take two years to kill me off

My life is hell

No holding a gun to head

Oh no, that would make too much of a mess

And when someone found me with my brains blown out

They'd be horrified and not know what to do

My life is hell

At least taking pills is something everyone is familiar with

It's not unchartterd territory

I have a history of pill popping

Of cutting too, so that might work as well as pills

My life is hell

 

My life is hell

I accepted that a long time ago

And have been building my courage for the day to finally say

"F**K YOU, B***H!" to the whole f*****g world 

And finally ending my life

Finally telling the whole motherfucking world that, 

"MY LIFE WAS HELL! AND I'M ENDING THIS HORROR STORY!" 

 

 

Author's Note

If you judge by what I was and how I think of my smitty life, then don't even bother with reviewing. If you see a soul that needs someone to talk to, comforted, ppl to trust...then review honestly. If you feel like offering a comforting ear, then send me fuggin message. If you just feel the fug sorry for me....STAY THE FUG AWAY FROM ME AND FUGGIN WORK!!! DON'T BOTHER REVIEWING, OR SENDING MESSAGES, OR LOOKIN AT MY PROFILE, OR SENDING FUGGIN FRIENDS REQ. BC PERSONALLY I DON'T HAVE THE FUGGIN TIME TO WASTE ON SOMEONE WHO JUST FEELS THE FUG SORRY FOR ME!!!! GOOD-BYE IF YOU'RE ONE OF THE PPL WHO FEEL SORRY AND DON'T LET THE FUGGIN DOOR HIT YOU ON YOUR WAY OUT!!!!

Reviews

[Wolfe Greytome]

Why would someone feel sorry for you? This piece clearly showcases your amazing writing ability - as well as giving us a glimpse at your strength of character. What I take away from this piece is this: Life's a b***h....but I'm a bigger b***h so Life can just kiss my a*s.

I find that to be an attitude that is very similar to the attitude prevalent in Dylan Thomas' "Do Not Go Gentle Into that Good Night" - very well written piece...as I have come to expect from you. Good Job!!

[Lizzy]

Wow, I admire your writing a lot, and I can tell you're not afraid of your emotions, and that is a very good thing. I really like the repetitive feel of the "My life is hell." Yes, it is sad, but you got a great poem out of it.

[I love you; just not to..]

So I think youran amazing writting and I really love this peice of writting.
I guess it cause in some ways, I've experice the pain and the emontion that are in this poem.
you did a very good job.

[Just Plain Me]

This poem is incredible. Yeah, it's sad, but you get your emotions out so well in it.
Great Job Chickie

Wow... ok, first off I'm not one to feel sorry for anybody unless someone close to them has died (Even then a careless comment tends to uttered). Allot of us feel as if we are alone in our feelings but we all feel s****y and depressed from time to time. But sometimes our emotions push logic completely out of the f****n' way and make us feel like a worthless hunk of crap. I remember the last time a person asked if I was ok or if I needed a shoulder to cry on... All I said was for them to piss off and live their own life. I understand how it feels to be in a man made hell. I've never let a single person conform to a way of life and you shouldn't either. You are you, a character in the story of Earth. It might not always be full of flowers and sunshine. It's also full of bullets and children dyeing of starvation... But it's the only story we've got so let's write it the best we can.
Your poem was a true peice of art. Life can be hell... So kick hell's a*s once and a while. Nice work!

[black_rose_obsession]

Wow. I had no idea. I would feel sorry for you, but something tells me that's going to piss you off. So I'm not going to do it. But I do want you to know that I am here for you, and I am your friend I'm sorry I've been busy and tired lately, but if you ever want or need some body to talk to I'm here for you and honest to God I would love to talk to you, because I miss the exciting randomness of it. This piece was full of emotion and pain and hurt and true sorrow, I thought I knew a hurt soul, but this is a soul piece of work, written by and author who's been torn and beaten to the core, or so to me it seems, I miss you and I truely care for you. Talk to me please. You are an extremely talented writer even when your in the worst of pain, your talent still shines through your tears, never forget, we aren't just poetess', and we're not just authors, were the vikings of words and the pirates of emotions. You are strong I know you are and I believe in you. Keep living. Keep trying. Keep writing.
Love,
Ren

[Twichi ^.^]

amazing poem
can relate on so many levels
nice peice ^_^

[jdog]

this is great. i really enjoyed this. daedal word choice. could you please read this story and tell me what you think http://www.writerscafe.org/writing/zzjordan89zz/450998/

[mmzx]

full of feeling.
very expressive and totally cool.

your awesome.
^^

[EpicKizzy]

i know what u mean with every word u wrote im living a life like ur past
ive been thro it to and if u do want to talk just send me a message.......