Both Sides of You

A mother's perspective of addiction- For My Beloved Jake

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Searching empty eyes

I ask “who are you?”

You wont look at me

And that is when I know

 

Another battle has been lost

But not your self inflicted war

You hide behind your empty laugh

Not the one I cherish- the one from below

 

My love for you is not enough

To keep you from yourself

To protect you from the monster

You want to escape to

 

Helpless and angry at you

but not at you

With you really

Your needle stabbing me through

 

I am a woman of words

And works

But I cannot let it matter

Because words and works cannot clean you

 

When you are clean you are my pride

The joy of all my days

If your soul has escaped you

I live in fear of what you do

 

I wait for the phone call

That nameless voice to tell me you are dead

Why? Why? oh why?

Tears of anger, hurt and sadness fall free

 

I want to hold you here

Free of demons gripping

I wish I could help you see - both sides of you

The man you are vs. the man you want to be

 

I can't kiss this better- although I live it too

In times of your regression

You don’t look at it like that

You act like you are the only one

 

That no one knows your hellish life

Or experiences the pain that you feel

Your addiction is my nightmare

Send away the monster- give to me my son

Reviews

[luciddreamer]

Oh wow....written with such raw emotion.......I understand this so completly....huggs

[The Rock And Roll Cowbo..]

It is hard to watch a loved one destroy themselves with drugs... this is very compelling and emotionally gripping work.

[Robin]

while I have no children, I know the Hell and ghosts of watching a loved one die from addiction .. emotional writing ..

[NoneOfYourBusiness akaK..]

you describe it in all its sorrows and devastation~ I have been there with the eldest~ the hell is raw and screaming filled with tears~

[Shellie]

My brother is the exact same and i know how hard it is to await that phonecall. Lucky it never comes and i wish the same for you but while the addictions there it seems so inevitable it will come and thats the worst along with the lack of drumming home the danger and feeling helpless. This piece is very tender but its like a flurry of pent up thoughts which drives the emotion through.

[.]

a parents worst nightmare..poignant and heart felt..you got the message across with dignified eloquence..i hope that he escapes his demons.

[Liza]

heartbreaking when love cannot penetrate the walls of another's unworthiness
a loved one can only try to comfort but the addiction is an affliction of confirming the reality and delving deeper into the pain....