As She Fades in My Arms

Work in progress :/ Advice would be muchly appreciated :)

The life in her beautiful brown eyes fade as I looked into her soul

The flickering light failing slowly, steadily

Crystal tears fall as a ruby stream flows down her cheek

All is out of focus, out of place

All but her face

Perfectly... clear

A small smile escapes her lips

A soft hand reaches out to me

As we touch, she shatters to pieces

Like a sheet of glass falls to the ground

And I'm left there with my hand out

Never to feel her warm touch again

Shock and pain well up inside me

I begin to bleed down my forehead

Utter stress, infinite pain

I wish I could go with her

But my due time is yet far off

As if bitten by some abnormal insect

I go into a furious frenzy

Only to be snuffed by my own disability:

Reluctance

Unable to do what I want without

Thinking otherwise

 

I pray to all gods in exsistence for revenge

I'm content

I'm ready

Ready

To

Die

But alas, I cannot

For my disability constricts me

 

Painful spikes attack my mental state

Constantly

Greiving doesn't help

Though that is all I'm capable for many, many years

 

9 years pass me by without notice

 

And now

Revenge is nigh upon me

I can soon finally take the life that took hers

My disability still attacks but I subdue the pain

Making quite sure my pistol is clean

Loaded and ready to fire

 

Now I go, to take the life

I'll drag it to hell with me if I have to

I arrive at her gravestone

 

"Anonymous"

I read

 

There will be another grave to dig today

 

Only few things in mind

Sorrow

Death

Treachery

Malice

My skin is hot with anguish

"I'm sorry, my sweet love,

I've failed protecting you

I let you die..

But

I'm following suit

I'm asking for your forgiveness

You're all I ever think about.

Please forgive me..."

 BANG!

Author's Note

I don't know, it doesn't feel right, I could do a lot better
writer's block I guess or something

Any kind of critisism is welcome

Reviews

[Alicia Schroeder]

This is a great write, but I got lost at the end, were you shooting yourself or were you shooting the enemy? But it was a great rythm and flow otherwise.

[Meyoko]

It's a very good story James. However, do you think you could put some type of comparison or illustration as do what said 'disability' it is that's holding you back? Kind of like what you did with the 'ruby streams' analogy ^^ Brilliant story telling as I've stated, and if you look, the way you've placed your words on the page, a silhouette of a skull forms. Did you mean to do that? It's awesome ^^ Keep up the good work