The Monster Within

A Story by jamesiee

She was good at what she did. Way too good for it to be considered healthy. Lois was in love with two different guys and, because of her inner monster, she was able to keep two boyfriends.

I was good, really good, at what I did. Too good actually. No one ever guessed what I was doing. Heck, half the time I didn’t even know what I was doing. It was madness and very wrong but I couldn’t seem to quit. I always was vaguely wondering, in the back of my mind, if I was going to hell because of it or if I had already been going.

Sometimes I couldn’t stop myself. Sometimes I didn’t want to stop. Now wait, before you get all judgmental on me, let me just say that I’m not addicted to any substances, drugs or otherwise. Substances being the key word there. See, I’m addicted to a feeling. The feeling I get when as I’m sneaking into my flat. The feeling I get when I’m kissing one but really thinking about the other. The feeling I get when the monster within me isn’t lying dormant in my chest. That sorta feeling.

But there was more then that. There were actually reasons why I did what I did. I was in love. Though I couldn’t be normal for once and be in love with one guy, no that would be too simple. Of course I had to be in love with not one, but two guys.

I had a problem. That much I knew. But not the one I mentioned earlier. I couldn’t make a decision if my life depended on it. I couldn’t choose between Tom Flemming or Darren Pio, both in a band together, but at the moment I was content with having them both. And I did.

That was my sick problem. Neither of them knew I was with the other and that was the way it was going to stay. They would never find out unless I wanted them to. And I didn’t, no couldn’t, want that with the monster roaring inside me. Like I said before, the monster inside me made me good at doing what I did. Sometimes it scared the s**t out of me, how easily lies slid out of my mouth. It was a power that pulsed through my veins. I tried to stop it but I wasn’t strong enough. So I just gave into it.

“D-Darren!” I giggled. His hand was snarled in my hair and his breath on my neck tickled.

“Lois!” He mumbled against my neck. The hot breath sent shivers down my spine. I giggled again and we continued to ‘sit’ on the couch and ‘watch’ a movie. We did that often.

As the ending credits were scrolling on the screen, Darren's phone went off.

“’Lo?” He answered, my hand moving dangerously up his leg. He was grinning stupidly the entire time he spoke. Darren finally snapped his phone shut and looked at me.

“I have to go.” He said, untangling his legs from mine. “There’s some stupid interview I have to be at. And Tom’s sick so I defiantly have to be there.”

“Mhmm-kay.” I said, looking into his boyish eyes. They were so full of innocence and youth that I wanted to break down and tell him that Tom was actually waiting for me at my flat across town. But the monster inside me wouldn’t let the words make it past my lips.

“Stay here as long as you want.” Darren said, coming back into the room in clean clothes.

“Thanks but I think I’ll go back to mine. I have work to catch up on.” I said. “Not all of us making out living by jumping around a stage. Darren stuck his tongue out at me and again I battled the urge to tell him or not. The monster within me won of course so I just smiled sweetly.

Darren bent over me and kissed me on the forehead. I got up to meet his lips with mine though. He pulled away reluctantly after a small snogging session and I rolled off the couch. We walked to the door together, and all the way to the parking lot.

“See you later.” We both said, each going our separate ways. I called Darren back though.

“Um, you know this is just our little secret right?” I asked, blushing a bit.

“My lips are sealed.” Darren said, winking. I gave him another kiss before we both got in our cars. Darren knew there once ‘had been’ a little thing between Tom and I and he didn’t want to create rifts in the band because of the knowledge of me and Darren. Tom was the same way. That made me love the both of them even more.

The entire drive to mine I had a battle with the monster raging inside me. She wanted to do one thing and I wanted to complete opposite. I knew that I should just tell Tom what was happening but then the monster reminded of both Tom and Darren's powerful kisses. I still couldn’t decide.

I got to my flat, parked the car and went in. The air was heavy with perfume. I dropped my bag on the floor and cautiously looked around. Out of nowhere strong, calloused hands grabbed my face and lips pressed into mine passionately. I didn’t fight the unbeatable feeling that washed over me. It felt good. Soon my blue eyes opened to loving brown ones.

“Hey Tom.” I said. He showed off his dimple before kissing me again.

Ages later I was squished on a couch between James and Ian, who were both in the band with Tom and Darren. Tom was wrapped up in a blanket with Darren sitting beside him on the loveseat. I had been invited over to Tom and Darren's flat, after the interview to help make Tom feel better. I had been told to bring soup. Actually James demanded it of me. (he didn’t let me through the door until he was sure I had it.) Apparently I was the only person they knew (I was friends with all of them) who could make good chicken soup.

I didn’t mind though as it gave me a chance to see both of my guys. The lights were off and the glow of the TV made both their faces eerily beautiful. The monster within me was momentarily in slumber and I sighed to myself, knowing that sooner or later I’d have to make a decision.

Tom caught me staring at me first and he winked at me, grinning. I smiled back and Tom turned his attention back to the TV. Darren looked back at me nest, his eyes glowing strangely. His mouth was pulled into a sweet smile and the monster woke up.

Many things were going through my head but one stood out the most, brought to my attention because of the ever present monster in my gut: why have one boyfriend when you could have two?