|Life|

This in an intro for a story I'm writing. I'm still working on the character development and timelines, but this is set in April of the year 1919.

How do I begin a story that has an ending such as this will have? How can I explain the words, for this is the media I have chosen, the pain I feel while writing this? I guess, as with all stories, it starts just as you would expect, the beginning.

There I stood on the tallest building I could find. The dark sky hid the fact that I was dangerously close to the edge. So close in fact that the sway from the scaffolding vibrated the edge and sent chills up my spine.

I froze. Unable to continue forward, but also unable to move back. My body desperately begged for the fight or flight reaction to take over, instead I was paralyzed. It wasn’t until the sensation of sweat running down my forehead and past my cheeks before the severity of the situation was fully processed. I was on a ledge. I no longer wanted to be a part of the world.

My legs began to work again. I stepped back in contemplation. Is this what you want Samuel? Is this how you want the world to see you? Your family? The truth is I don’t really care how the world sees me. I don’t even think I cared how my family would feel. Who are they to tell me how much I mean to them, or to show me feelings they’ve withheld?

At one time maybe they had meant something. Yes, I think I remember the flutter of feelings; the faint glimmer of caring. Now though, I struggle to recall a reason I even called them family in the first place. What is the meaning of these words? Mother, Father, Brother, or Sister?

For some reason this memory is as vivid as any other major even in my life. Maybe because that was the moment of truth.

That last thought pushed me toward my eventual decision to free myself from the bondage of life; the stranglehold each breath had on me. My toes touched the edge as I stepped forward. I looked over and saw what later would etch itself in my brain forever; the bottom. The building was over a hundred feet tall and I wasn’t ready for what that looked like. I had never been that high before.

Besides the rushing wind over the edge I could hear laughter, and music, and I could see the windows randomly lit in a display of triumph over the darkness, but I had no such trumph. Inside I was dark.

To be honest I don’t know who could believe in such a concept like a God that watches over us. The idea of some overseer of the people, pulling on me like I’m attached to strings, I find insulting. Still, I won’t deny what I said next.

“God, if you’re listening… I want you to know something. I want you to hear the last thing I’m going to say. I don’t understand why you’ve done this to me. Why have you created me without teaching me how to live; how to be me? My blood is on your hands.”

With my arms stretched out wide and my fingers straightened I took a deep breath and closed my eyes. It felt as if my body was giving itself up to my will; to the will of something familiar.

I’ve heard of others who have watched themselves to the end; whose souls separated from their bodies and floated above.

I was toiling in mixed emotions, but now only calm remained. Only the calming serenity of absolution. I bent my legs and prepared to jump.

Something threw me off course. A noise hammered behind me, penetrating my body with vibrations and a loud wailing noise. The high pitched whine battered my ear drums. At the time I had known no sound to compare it to. I opened my eyes and looked over my shoulder. There it was, barreling right toward me, something I had heard about, but never say in person; a plane.

It was dark out, but I could see a faint light bouncing off the propeller, showing a distorted image of the moon. It’s dual wings were long, several feet on each side. The planes details were obscured, but it’s presence alone was enough to send my will, want, and thoughts into the opposite direction.

The plane came fast, passed over my head, and roared up into the sky toward the night’s light. I was in awe at this object that dared to defy gravity. I watched as it flew off and disappeared into the shadows of the far off mountains. A burning smell came upon me and that’s the moment I knew that the emptiness had been filled and I had a reason to live. I wanted to know; I wanted so badly to see more.

That night I didn’t leave the roof. I stayed up there. Lying down on a flat area, I watched the stars. Their twinkle and vibrance only made me more anxious to watch the plane soar among them again.