Taking Things That Don't Belong to Us

So I said

"Maybe I'm better off dead

Maybe the skies will swallow everything

And you would take my ring."

And I thought

Well I could just give this a shot.

Write a song a day that you're away, my love.

But would it be enough.

I'd guess

This is your venomous distress call

You're bleeding water through the hull.

And I'd still call.

Every day, for every way, we're searching through the wreckage. 

Of a superficial message from the phone.

Every day, in every way, we're searching for the words

Of a superficial message to bring you home.

My words don't make sense, so I'm pleading ignorance. 

I'm bleeding innocence from all I gave you

I, I do this all the time, it's an unorganized rhyme 

I'm suffering from a lack of time

I'd burn, the clock and all it means 

Baby I'm busting at the seams 

My heart, won't sparkle, shine, or gleam. 

Every day, for every way, we're searching through the wreckage. 

Of a superficial message from the phone.

Every day, in every way, we're searching for the words

Of a superficial message to bring you home.

So I said

"Maybe I'm better off dead.

Instead of locked inside your head.

You're inside my heart and soul.

Give up control"

So I said

"Maybe you're better off dead

Instead of locked inside your head

I gave you my heart and soul.

I lost control"

Reviews

[Lee]

I'm impressed. The rhyme pattern here blew me away.

The first "stanza" really does catch attention quick and holds it. There's a lot of little things you said that I really liked....like, "Maybe you're better off dead instead of locked inside your head..." As well as the repetition used; I greatly enjoyed coming across those. The whole read sounded like a conflict, a battle, a war, where you're crying out wanting to win, yet wanting to cave, and it leaves you a little unsure. But it ultimately makes for a good read... And you've done just that, so nice work.