Botanical Affair

Perhaps my first speaker from a female perspective is attempted within this piece.

Like a regal flower to the majestic bee

I found you and you found me

Enveloped in my petals, further you went

And drank my nectar to your hearts content 

The sun, how it shone! The blissful rays

Such gorgeous radiance, I forget the days

For time was impertinent, life stood still

You gulped and sucked at your own will

I was not afraid, my stigma exposed

For you my darling I would never be closed

Your love and intimacy makes me bloom

As sweet as the sugar you doth consume

-- -- --

You are done. Satisfied and full

You shake the pollen, I shiver in the dull

Lightless absence of a feeding sun.

Forget-me-not, is my only plea

But you dance away and buzz with glee

Despite my cries, despite my wails

You rush to mate with the other females

Like Lady's Slipper, more so, Scorpion Orchid

Your callous sting make even Roses most putrid 

Tis Love-in-a-mist. Alas my petals cry

They fall to the floor, I rot and die. 

 

Reviews

[Junert]

I love the ending most.

[Heather]

I liked this, I would make a few changes however...and feel free to ignore me :)

You rush to mate with the other females seems wrong, and doesn't fit with the poem. I would say something like..

You rush to the nectar of other begging flowers
The sweetness a temptation to pure to resist
like Lady's Slipper, more so, Scorpion Orchid
Your callous sting makes even Roses most tainted

(I don't like putrid, it doesn't seem to fit here)

I would also add to the last stanza you rot and die in but describe it in the bliss you discovered because of that bee, it should end with more... a longing

I really think you're on your way to having this be a fantastic piece.
Sorry for the sting.... :)

[lee von cleef]

good all the way,till "putrid" don"t like that word,never have.

[g.panchal]

yeah buddy your poem had a good start and too good end. I liked the way you showed that feeling of dying without love

[Shelley Holt-Lowrey]

What an interesting little poem you've put forth here. It speaks to so many things... The circle of life, the biological need to propagate the species, and a bit of A Biology 101 lesson too. A female POV for sure, but in reading this one can almost find understanding of the male urge to conquer and conquer and conquer. Well written and thought provoking. Thank you for the rr

[Lisa Ring]

You are a young master of words. And I can see you are your father's son. Beautifully written and emotionally sublime.

[James McFadyen]

I'm flattered that you should call me that... and glad you did not say "I can see you are your father" ;)

[Lisa Ring]

Haha...I see a romantic nature influenced by pain, and a love of writing :)

[Lost in Wonderland]

so sensual and dark at the end. This was a great annalpgy of someone being used then thrown to the dirt. Well done!
God Bless
~Mickey

[James McFadyen]

Glad it piqued your interest!

[John Alexander McFadyen]

Amazingly descriptive, sensually penned, excellent meter and a subject to pore over with a forensic eye for meanings not so deeply hidden. Fabulous!!!

[James McFadyen]

Thanks daddy-o!

[James McFadyen]

Stanzas are a mess i think. advise would be appreciated muchyly

[zainul]

Yea,you have thought correctly.
You may try to make 4th and 5th stanza four-lined if you don't have any special reasons for keeping them as it is.