Soaring

I stood high on top a dune
and made a paper airplane, 
with a love note just for you.

I waited for a breeze 
and tossed it toward the sea.

If the Wright Brothers could soar from off these shores
then my note should carry all the way to your front door.

Reviews

[andrew mitchell]

excellent comparisons here of the first plane and a paperplane. A lovely write. If I could say something the first line I stutter on ie not flowing for me. I prefer I stood high on a dune or I stood high on top of a dune rather than the " I stood high on top a dune" Its that " a" !!!. But hey I'm no expert, the imagery is great as is the notion of sending a love note by air.:):)

[James]

Thanks, I welcome any help or suggestions I can get.

Appriciate the read and the suggestion

[barleygirl]

Nice little snippet of imagination. I like the comparison between paper airplane & the first airplane. Your idea & message are well expressed, but there could be more sensory expansiveness, like showing us how that breeze feels & smells & imagining how it might blow thru her hair as she picks up your paper airplane later on. I'm often guilty of being too straightforward, but this time I'm craving a little more meandering.

[Papaya]

lovely, sweet, gentle, romantic and hopeful.
i can imagine the young lad doing this.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

what a great analogy to the Wright Brothers...and the paper airplane much faster than a message in a bottle. Very romantic write.

j.

[James]

Thank you very much, Jacob. Glad you enjoyed this.

[William Liston]

I like the sense of imagination that you gave this piece . . . it's almost child-like and free, reminiscent of how love letters are often associated with youth and innocence. I also think the length is nearly perfect; it's long enough to be memorable but short enough to be somewhat humorous and profound at the same time.

The last two lines were my favorite . . . funny yet relatable. You've written a nice, light-hearted piece. I enjoyed.

- William Liston