Candle on Top

https://soundcloud.com/user-74706948/candle-on-top-a-poem-by-james-andersen

A birthday cake
layered with years of love
and years of pain -- 
Devotion.
Each pan is greased 
with tears,
and memories
of loved ones gone
and children gained.
Memories of children 
laughing,
and a mother crying
cover the cake 
in a dark blanket of sweetness,
delicately smoothed over,
covering the cracks.
Imperfections hide 
under rippling waves
of frosting. 

The candle on top is lit
but the flame burned out years ago.

Reviews

[William A. Wilson]

Loved the way you use something as sweet as making cake as a way to convey a past full of sadness. A way to show it holds nothing on the outside, but bear the weight of there life on the inside. Definitely giving this 100/100 as this holds true for me sometimes, even now. Great work, thank you for writing this piece.

[James]

Thank you for reading it.. i 'm glad it spoke to you.

[Relic]

Getting older means seeing changes over the years. Your metaphor is fitting and done so well. The turnaround puts a whole different spin on the poem.

Nice writing.

PS. Gordon L. Is one of my favorite singers. :)

[James]

Really glad you liked it. It was one of those surprise poems that was supposed to be happy.

Lightfoot is one of my favorites too, but I'm afraid I don't get the reference...help me out

[Relic]

Wasn't that you singing his song after your poem on soundcloud? hahaha I thought it was.

[James]

That's some guy I guy started following, he sings awesome covers. I didn't know it came on after my poem.

[Relic]

He's pretty good.

[William Liston]

I expected this to be a happy poem at first, but then I kept reading ...

I think you've done well with the sudden change of tone in lines five and six. This piece reflects the sorrow that one can feel after realising that time goes on, and memories (both good and bad) are just memories -- moments that will never happen again. I think the last two lines sum everything up. It really serves as the "icing on the cake" for the ideas conveyed in this piece because it reflects melancholy and the 'cake' imagery you used throughout the rest of the piece.

Just a suggestion, I'd put a comma after "lit" in the last stanza.

- William Liston

[James]

Thanks for the comma suggestion. I wanted to use the birthday cake as an example of covering up imperfections and to paint a picture of life and all it's good and bads. I'm glad you liked it.

[barleygirl]

WOW! This is very powerful, very unexpected for a birthday cake message. I particularly like the way you've taken an event that's usually described all flowery & fun, yet you're showing the cracks in the veneer with a gentle touch. Beneath the surface of your words, there is a ton of emotional stuff lingering silently, unique aspects for each reader. I love this line: "delicately smoothed over, covering the cracks" . . . also the final couplet is very powerful. I'm glad I don't have to fake it on my birthday anymore becuz nobody cares anymore.

[WithinTheHeart]

I felt this one...into my depths.
So very moving. Words which resonate.

Brilliant piece.

[James]

Wow, thank you so much.

[Shabeeh Haider]

A birthday is a good day to reflect on our past. The loved ones who have left us, the smiles that they have left in our hearts, those years of love and years of pain.....this is what life is. This is how it can be summed up.
I just love the thought behind this poem and the last two lines are exceptional.

[James]

Thank you so much. Glad you liked this.