A Wee Bit Chilly (Caution adult language and themes)

Middle School Male Humor

I rise from my bunk with the morning sun
my mind on the day to come.
I'm battered and bruised 
and it’s tough to move
this old body is surely through.

I stretch out the kinks
And listen to the creaks.
But the day will not wait for me
So up I go to start my show
Oh, no, I gotta pee.

As I move across the room,
I reach down to scratch an itch
I pause for a moment, I can barely hold it
and scream 'What a Son-of-a-B***h!' --

Feel as I might I can't figure it right
Something seems out of place.
Where once had hung my eternal pride
was now just an empty space

Search as I might it was nowhere in sight
that appendage that had brought so much joy.
With a panicked face, I began to pace
my mind on the women I had loved;
Jackie and Judy, Meredith and Trudy,
I cried like a mourning dove.

When all at once I had a thought
and down the hall, I ran
Oh, what I sight hanging there on the right
The thermostat showed it clear.
All of my surly angst and worry
there was never anything to fear.

As I stood in the hall and stared at the wall,
I felt a little silly
All my fears washed away in an instant --
It was only a wee bit chilly.

Author's Note

Sorry, couldn't help myself

Reviews

[barleygirl]

Very fun & uninhibited & honest. Even tho I kinda suspected what was "coming" in the finale, I still enjoyed the way your poem meandered thru all the frantic mental gyrations unique to the male gender, before finally revealing the source of your "problem" *smile* . . . Missing the morning woody, are ya?

[James]

Nice little dig at the end, haha, I'm not that old...yet. Funny thing is, I wrote this months ago after one of your comments on one of my first poems. You said you expected something about male shrinkage and this popped out of my head. Hope it gave you a chuckle.

[barleygirl]

Still laughing . . . *smile*

[Einstein Noodle]

ahahahaha! laughed the whole way through ...nothing more distressing than the Captain gone AWOL ... i hope no one was playing a dirty trick on ya ..turning the thermo down ;)
E.

[James]

terrible feeling. Thanks for reading

[Theangrypoet]

So funny and soo soo wrong

[WithinTheHeart]

Haha. I can't stop laughing!
Your humor obviously reflected greatly in this piece.
Very clever;)

[James]

I don't know why I wrote this. I guess I needed to laugh. Glad it gave you a laugh.

[Jacob Clifford]

I got a good laugh when I read that last stanza. I was confused as to what had happened to our lovely narrator, so my interest was held until the end. I love the double entendre in the title.

[James]

Glad this gave you a laugh. I wrote this back in the winter after my heat had quit working one night. I figured most men could relate.