Tomorrow I turn another page. I wonder what it will bring?
Lightning flashes behind purple clouds bursts of white-flame show the jagged sky -- ancient canyons in the atmosphere, and unexplored mystery. The thunder rolls and the light fades to black. Somewhere in the far distance an owl calls and breaks the silence; its answer is broken by the next flash of lightning; the sky moans. I sit under the trees and watch the night pass. I feel the dampness of the morning dew; it settles just before dawn covering the ground; glistening, it sparkles in the morning sun. The earth comes to life for another day. I lean back in my chair, close my eyes, I breathe the morning air. And as I turn another page in my life and reflect on the last chapter I hope the next is just as good.
Having just read your poem twice, and found such beautiful phrasing, i've a feeling 'the next' will be just as good. Your awareness is as it should be, sharp yet gentle, appreciative yet logical.
Such sweetly laid words: '.. an owl calls - and breaks the silence, its answer is broken - by the next flash of lightning; the sky moans. '
Posted 8 Years Ago
1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
8 Years Ago
Thank you for that wonderful comment. I'm glad you enjoyed this.
Very well-written poem. It had beautiful imagery and a wonderful sense of time passing. I may be a couple days late, but happy birthday! Here's to another year!
life is always like a new storm coming in off the horizon...we don't know what position we will be in after it passes...we survive or we are hurt...or the sun outshines the trauma...and we avoid the storm altogether...
but always knowing there is a new day, new experiences to deal with...that means we have something to look forward to with a mixture of trepidation and excitement.
Happy Birthday to you. And I am sure the next one will be even better.
Your poem is beautiful. Vivid imagery portraying the passage of time. My favourite part is ....
sit under the trees and watch the night pass.
I feel the dampness of the morning dew;
it settles just before dawn covering the ground;
glistening, it sparkles in the morning sun.
First & foremost: HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!! (((HUGS))) I hope you have an enjoyable time turning the page to a new WHATEVER!!! *smile* . . . Your poem is very original & full of vivid imagery. I like the way it conveys a passage of time, thru the night, suggesting the fireworks/lightning show of the previous night could be likened to the previous passage of time when things were full of intensity/challenges. And then I love the opening upon a new day, being peaceful & conveying acceptance & optimism about whatever comes next. That we may all embark upon a new day with these same feelings . . .
Posted 8 Years Ago
1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
8 Years Ago
Thank you for this kind review and for the birthday wish. I didn't start out to write a birthday po.. read moreThank you for this kind review and for the birthday wish. I didn't start out to write a birthday poem, I was really just sitting outside on a southern summer night watching the sky light up like it does during these heatwaves. I'm glad you enjoyed this and I'm sure the next chapter will be as good as the last.
Wow. I really enjoyed reading this poem; the imagery was absolutely amazing. I imagined everything that happened in this poem. I like it when a poem uses images that may be unusual and/or hard to imagine but still paints a vivid picture in the reader's mind. It kinda adds a dream-like feel, where the emotions and descriptions are felt more than they are understood. The last line topped it all of because it revealed that the other part of the poem was symbolic of the past year. (I'm terrible at interpretation, so I apologize if that's completely wrong).
The only thing I can critique are some grammatical mistakes. The only time using improper grammar is acceptable, in my opinion, is when it helps to create a desired effect. This poem could benefit from some grammatical changes. In line seven, the comma needs to be a semicolon. There needs to be a semicolon after the word 'dew' in line ten. There also needs to be a semicolon instead of a comma in line eleven after the word 'ground.' I'd suggest changing the word 'I' to 'and' in line fifteen.
Those are the only visible flaws I see. Overall, I thought it was well-written. Good job.
-William Liston
Posted 8 Years Ago
1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
8 Years Ago
Thank you for the critique, I appreciate the suggestions, I'm a grammatically impaired History major.. read moreThank you for the critique, I appreciate the suggestions, I'm a grammatically impaired History major.
The way you have "painted" nature in this poem is truly amazing. A vivid picture forms in the canvas of the mind.
It is good to reflect on the passing year.
My best wishes to you for the coming year.
Posted 8 Years Ago
1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
8 Years Ago
Thank you, I didn't mean for this to be a birthday poem, I'm glad you liked it.
Having just read your poem twice, and found such beautiful phrasing, i've a feeling 'the next' will be just as good. Your awareness is as it should be, sharp yet gentle, appreciative yet logical.
Such sweetly laid words: '.. an owl calls - and breaks the silence, its answer is broken - by the next flash of lightning; the sky moans. '
Posted 8 Years Ago
1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
8 Years Ago
Thank you for that wonderful comment. I'm glad you enjoyed this.