The House on Robinson Lane

The house was dark on Robinson Lane
Just as it was on the 5th of May
No one dared go near the place 
The owners were certainly not sane
Everyone heard what happened there
But I couldn't believe it was true
There had lived in the house a family of six
But now there were only two.

I had to know where the other four had gone
So I called my good buddy Shawn
We snuck up the porch and put out our torch 
And dared to peek inside.
Shocked and scared we stood and starred 
Amazed at the sight we saw.
A bare naked man sitting on the floor
Shamelessly showing us all.

He beckoned us in while we stood there and then
We decided to take his advice
With a turn of the wrist, we gave the knob a twist
We never thought to think twice
We entered the room and we could feel the gloom
the place was a gruesome scene.
The bare naked man had a knife in his hand 
And the blade he was wiping clean.

About that time his wife came in
And offered us something to eat.
We politely declined because we wondered --
About the quality of the meat.
I looked at my buddy and we started to study
This didn't look good at all
I took off in a dash when I saw the knife flash
But Shawn took a fall in the hall.

Reviews

[barleygirl]

The first stanza is especially outstanding, the way it draws us in, gives us a tidbit to gnaw on, setting up the scenario with intensity. Then your poem-story continues in the same vein, giving just enuf glimpses to guess at the situation, but also leaving these spooky gaps in the story that we must fill in. Not your smoothest poetic structure (you've already set high stds for yourself), but the storytelling is very good. I'd love to read a full-blown scary story from you without the hampering effects of trying to be poetic, too (((HUGS)))

[James]

Thank you, I always enjoy your critiques. Maybe one day I will try to flesh out a full blown story, but that in its self is might be a scary story.

[Weeping willow]

Very creepy write,but kept in tune until the end;-

[James]

Thank you. Glad you hung on all the way through.

[Woody]

hooo a creepy one! Poe-esque?
reads like a horror story and I like that, James. good to leave the reader wondering at the fate of Shawn.

[Shabeeh Haider]

A pretty gruesome tale. Nice use of rhymes and the poem has a flow that will keep the reader interested.
I am sorry for Shawn

[James]

I'm sorry for Shawn too. Thanks for reading.