A Precious Life

A Precious Life

A Poem by James
"

A story about missed opportunities and wasted time. Just updated to clear some of the bumpiness.

"

A young boy sat atop a hill

Wondering at all his Father had built

He thought about the clouds, the flowers, and the trees

He thought about his life, what it all means.

 

Then he saw death, dark and grim

Walking up the hill, directly towards him.

With fear and dread, the young boy cried

“I am not ready, this can’t be my time.”

 

Death listened to the Young boy’s cry.

And asked “why should I grant you more time?

Convince me?” He said.  “Then we will see

If you are deserving.  Perhaps I’ll let you be.”

 

The boy stared Death directly in the eye.

He searched his heart and then knew why

His life should be spared.

He deserved more time.

 

The boy stood straight and tall on his feet

And said, “I have never sung a song so sweet.”

Never written a poem that changed a life,

Or shared a kiss with my future wife.”

 

Death sat and listened with intent

To the boys argument and was convinced

That this boy was indeed sincere and true,

He would not take him with his years so few.

 

Death said “Go live your precious life,

Write your poem and find your wife.

Sing your song with a verse so sweet

That man will bow beneath your feet.”

 

“I will come again when the time is right

And we will continue our journey into the night.”

“But, heed my warning to you.

Live your life right and always be true.”

 

The young boy grew into a tall, strong man.

He found success, money, friends and fame.

But in all his glory he was alone

And he walked again to his childhood home.

 

He climbed to the top of an old familiar hill

And as he stared across the land,

He marveled at the majesty of his Fathers hand

And the man sat down to ponder his life.

 

As he sat Deaths shadow came into view

The man stood and said, “I remember you.”

“You came for me here when I was young and afraid,

And showed mercy on a small boy and set him on his way.

 

But, I beg you please, don’t take me today,

for I have sinned and lost my way.

I am empty inside, I still need my life.

I haven’t my poem, my song or my wife.”

 

Death said, “Write your poem and find your wife.

Find your song and live your life. 

When next we meet, I promise you,

Your life will end, it will be through.”

 

The man traveled the world and enjoyed its pleasures.

He made and lost an endless treasure.

But, time was not the man’s best friend.

And He grew old, his time was coming to an end.

 

His money spent and his friends all gone.

The old man set out to find his song.

He tried to write poetry, but couldn’t find a rhyme.

He searched for his love, but she too had faded with time.

 

And he came at last to a familiar space,

A tall hill overlooking a plentiful place.

The old man clambered up the steep hill

And sat in awe of his Fathers will.

 

And as he sat he saw a friendly face.

Death had come to their old meeting place.

Death stared into his ragged face and weathered eyes,

And said, “How are you, my friend? How have you passed the time?”

 

The old man stood and stared Death in the eye.

With a heavy breath, he let out a sigh.

“I never wrote my poem and I never sang my verse.

I never found my love and loneliness has been my curse.”

 

He paused for a moment before he said,

“I am ready my friend for my eternal bed

Take me now for I’ve nothing to show

Nothing at all for your years that I stole.”

 

Death took his friend who had known no harm.

Down that tired hill, they walked, arm in arm.

Through the green valley that his Father created

And into the shadows, his image faded.  

© 2016 James


Author's Note

James
Revised. What do you think?

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Featured Review

Great story here James. The message is clear, it reads smoothly and keeps the reader's attention throughout. The only suggestion I would have would be to change the ending - maybe have a final message from Death and then he leave with him...or something...it just felt a bit unfinished. Otherwise I thought this was fantastic :)

This review was written for a previous version of this writing

Posted 8 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

James

8 Years Ago

Thank you, Carolynn. This one still has quite a bit of cleaning up to do. A few other people made .. read more



Reviews

Great story here James. The message is clear, it reads smoothly and keeps the reader's attention throughout. The only suggestion I would have would be to change the ending - maybe have a final message from Death and then he leave with him...or something...it just felt a bit unfinished. Otherwise I thought this was fantastic :)

This review was written for a previous version of this writing

Posted 8 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

James

8 Years Ago

Thank you, Carolynn. This one still has quite a bit of cleaning up to do. A few other people made .. read more
Time is a precious thing that most people don't value. This piece brought peace to my heart, thank you for sharing.

This review was written for a previous version of this writing

Posted 8 Years Ago


Great write James, I love the line "Find your song and live your life", isn't that what we all try to do, but I wonder how many truly succeed. Really enjoyed this.

This review was written for a previous version of this writing

Posted 8 Years Ago


James

8 Years Ago

Thanks, Jason, glad you liked it. That is the struggle, we each have to find our own song, that thi.. read more
brilliant. wonderful story in verse, James. I envy those who can tell a story with a poem.
ok, here are my thoughts. being old fashioned, I much prefer rhymed poems. you can almost sing them. it adds to the beauty of the piece. I know it's the fashion these days to opt for free verse and stream of consciousness and whatnot. in this poem, some lines rhyme and some don't. I personally would've loved to see it rhymed all the way through. have you read any of David Lewis Paget's story/poems? if you haven't, you MUST pay him a visit. he's the absolute BEST on here.
on to something else. just one little mistake. I believe we don't say: take heed my warning. I may be wrong but we either say heed my warning or take heed (period).
finally, I find the poem lacks a final stanza perhaps? you cut it short. I think it begs at least one closing stanza.
I rarely write long reviews but when I do, it means I really like the piece. I hope I didn't upset you :)

This review was written for a previous version of this writing

Posted 8 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

James

8 Years Ago

Upset me, no, not at all. I put these here with hopes of getting good and honest feedback. I agree.. read more
Woody

8 Years Ago

absolutely. and you're welcome :)
This is one of my favorite poems of the week & I've read dozens! I love the storytelling tone, which kept me spellbound thru-out. I could never tell exactly where the story would go & each twist in life's journey brought me plenty to ponder. Overall, your message is simple & not new, but the way you presented it, it's fresh & original. I think this describes many fruitless lives, even the ones cloaked in so-called "success". Great demonstration of interesting thinking & skillful writing.

This review was written for a previous version of this writing

Posted 8 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

James

8 Years Ago

Thanks for the review. I look forward to your critiques, and I am glad you liked it. It's still a .. read more
barleygirl

8 Years Ago

I'm there . . . I've lived a full life & I do not fear or dread death one bit.
At the end of it all, the things left undone are the losses most deeply felt. Well penned.

This review was written for a previous version of this writing

Posted 8 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

James

8 Years Ago

Thank you. I'm still working on it though.

Thanks for reading
MomzillaNC

8 Years Ago

yvw :)
I think the poem moves very nicely. It has a good rythm. I can identify with the sentiments! Oh all those things I should have done!!!!

This review was written for a previous version of this writing

Posted 8 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

James

8 Years Ago

Thank you. I am glad you liked it. But, it is still a work in progress, still a little bumpy.
read more
I love the story that this tells. Procrastination can only delay the inevitable. It will never resolve it. You progressed very logically through the pursuit of solitary gain with no lasting reward.

This review was written for a previous version of this writing

Posted 8 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

James

8 Years Ago

Thank you, Norman, I am still struggling with this one. I wish I could make the transitions, in the.. read more

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557 Views
8 Reviews
Rating
Added on March 8, 2016
Last Updated on April 15, 2016
Tags: Life, Old Age, Regret, Death

Author

James
James

The Beach, NC



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