Sailboats

after a harsh period of breakup, a little oasis of crystal clear pain you sometimes feel when you just innocently miss someone's presence, almost an enjoyable feeling.

A small valley of water is visible through the pines.

A swath of soft glass.

Over the bluff.

Quiet sailboats glide and careen

         and vanish behind the pines.

Their sails pocket golden light,

The amber of Summer's antique sun.

Sails like little mayfly wings,

stirring the water.

Gracefully stirring my heart.

Tonight I do miss her,

A fading ripple across the waters of my heart.

Reviews

[I Am Svetlana]

First off, just love the title. But you sometimes don't miss someone until they are truly gone. Strange to say, but it's understandable. We often don't understand why we miss a certain person every now and again, but when we do..we remember those certain times. But all in all, it's best to let them go because they most likely didn't deserve or appreciate you like a better person would.

[Michael G.]

Beautiful words and thoughts, sir. This flowed like those small boats over the water. Well done.

[Mari ana biossat]

Well for heavens sake I just loved this!! Saying so ,I cannot see anything wrong. Sometimes you have to go with your heart the first time around. What it is saying. In poetry my thoughts are to leave it! Picking at thoughts do not work. I have done this and the second and third time around it is worse, why? The original feeling is gone. This is just my opinion. I am delighting in your work. I see you as going far. Start writing a book of poetry have someone sketch beautiful pictures. I am new here so perhaps I should stay cool for a time.

[Kenaz]

This is so smooth, a soft sadness. It just pinches the heart for a second. We've a similar diction it seems. Very cool.

[Sunset Girl]

Simple and sweet, she is the ripple in your heart.

[KAOlmsted]

The only thing that really strikes me about this piece is the repetition of some words..."Pines", "sails", "heart"...certain times repetition works well, and makes a large impact on the reader, here not so much...it just sort of seems to me like all the sexy words escaped you so you just threw your hands up and said "f**k it; they're pines; they're sails; it's my heart...deal with it people" *laugh* Don't misunderstand me, I am a fan of the highest magnitude! They can't all be winners. I'll keep reading!

[James William Dyer]

LOL! honesty. Love it.

[James William Dyer]

yeah I wondered about this poem myself

[Craba]

awe, so sweet and well expressed.

[Extant]

I like how it is a love poem, though at the same time it is not. Those first five lines seem to be strained, like you know you have to build this image up to make that one point at the end. It's alright to stray from a format, once in awhile. People have reminded me of that for as long as I have been writing and I feel it has made me all the better. Perhaps that would help with this.

[James William Dyer]

I almost felt like there wasn't enough there, that maybe the image overwhelmed the one emotional contribution....but I'm still undecided, it still reminds me of dipping my finger in water, how such a small motion can have an effect on the whole. I also think 'waters of my hear' might be cliched.......might let it sit for a while before I go back and take a look at it. Divorcing yourself from a creation is usually the best thing to do when you're unsure.

[Extant]

It might be cliche, but that isn't what seemed to be off about this. Do what you think you should.