Cat's Eye

a description of the pain one feels at having their perceptions shifted by a lover's deceptive words.

You buried my eyes in the sand beneath the reeds
Without thinking how the grit of sand abrades the surface 
                   Of my eyes 
Scratches my perception
Scratches with a cats paw against gentle glass.
You leave the shore of my forehead wrinkled in the sand, 
stretched out before the lapping gentle waves
            That are your excuse.

Reviews

[Sunset Girl]

Wow, very deep and passionate.

[Coyote Poetry]

The poem is amazing. Use of language create visions and thoughts. Title caught my attention and the poem open the door to thoughts. Thank you for sharing the excellent poetry.
Coyote

[Ees]

Nice. That would be quite painful for the eyes, the forehead less so, with the waves lapping it, your forhead might almost feel nice, especially when you compare to how much the gritty sand would hurt your eyes.

So you let the excuses soften the blow, I see.

Nice, clear, powerful poem

[Victoria PoetryBunny]

Really nice short yet powerful descriptive write. Love the descriptions here:
"Without thinking how the grit of sand abrades the surface
Of my eyes
Scratches my perception
Scratches with a cats paw against gentle glass."

[Lushan]

I like the sense of abandonment that comes across along with the hurt. to me that's actually stronger. "without thinking.... You leave the shore......"

[Baby Ricochet]

Great job.

[Steven]

You know what I'm going to suggest, man? Lose the descriptions. I think you give too much away. It slants the reader's perceptions before they read the work. I agree you should, but I would do it in the author's note instead, after they have read it, and the work itself has wrought it's own impressions on the reader's mind. Just two dull pennies for you.

I actually like the repetition here, and believe it was intentional. Like a rpetitive scratch. I like when phrases and words have an effect other than cerebral. When they affect the tongue and the ears. And then it ll changes, we feel washed in the smoothness of beach sand and water. Digging it.

[James William Dyer]

thanx for the input. Which descriptions, though? Oh, you mean the descriptive blurbs at the top, not the actual descriptors located in the poem body?

[Steven]

Yes! Those. But, the author's note at the end is a great place for them, imo

[Pratik]

This is one of those rare pieces that captures the essence of the subject without baring it all.... A clever, thinking write that provides the space for the readers to allow their imaginations expand.... Well done :)

[Pax]

A Great used of metaphor... a step into the deceptive world of beauty...

[Poison Ivy]

yet another amazing write!