Chapter 5

Remember world this book is a work in progress. A rough draft of a rough draft. If you have feedback, let me know. Thank you.

God is Pooh Bear. And the sky sings a crisp spring morning. There were whispers, as if petrified, streaming, like tinsel, they were ubiquitous. And so was I. This morning, anyway. As I Woke, or rather, came to the sudden realization that I was no longer asleep I felt disoriented, briefly, until I focused on a spot above me. A spot that resembled that of nothing I could place, yet still enticed me for a time. It wasn't until after then that I noticed the bouquet of flowers arranged in a vase on the windowsill. At first they seem ignored, as if they have succumb to the circumstance of life. They were wilted and they were dying; all, except for three--these three were beautiful and vibrant--in such a way that seemed as though the others have withdrawn by choice. Love-in-idleness. Fixed, in a bed of Ivy, twisted, though still in pursuit of life. And when this 'love' is near you can feel the essence that is the balance of self and oneness, though this spirit is unlike anything familiar to you. It is strange. And it is new. It will originate in you and will help to introduce to yourself a part of that self that you are not yet aware. You, will become--whole, again. As if you have not been, all this time. I knew now the composition of the whispers, incarnate, from everywhere, like tinsel. They stayed with me as I stepped out of bed examining my surroundings as though I had never seen them before, like a child discovering, for the first time, self-ability. I studied, first, the hard wooden floors and the cool refreshing feel against the bottom of my feet, the occasional aged surface rough with experience encroaching, slowly, over the smooth finish. Kneeling I ran my fingers over the surface curiously seeking to develop a sense I have never known. Grainy, smooth, coarse, and tired. I was satisfied. Above me a wall. It had interned me. Enclosing me, it shadowed that of everything that was inherent to me. I was trapped. In body. There was, however, a vastness one that was encompassing everything that could ever be. I felt surrounded and free without hesitation and all at once, I could stand and would be flying, I could sit and would be falling there was a design that was occurring itself to me and in such a way that was impressed upon me. To become consciously aware of all that ever was and will be as it exists in the now, simultaneously, was to be born again; and to then be inherent in the active practice of living consciously as presented by my choices, my experiences, emotions, and thoughts illuminated by the applicable and observable truth that they do help to build this reality. I walked, for the first time, through the apartment door and down the twisting stairs into a world that seemed accustomed to me it welcomed my every move as lethargic as it felt, I could do no wrong. I was guided, into oncoming traffic, a dusty side road, on a busking street near the East Village.

 

"Get..." "Sorry, I'm just a little dazed this morning...I don't know."

 

"No, buddy, Get in! Lets go."

 

"What?"

 

"Get into my car...lets go. We're late."

 

I didn't ponder too long, crossed the street and hoped in the passenger side car door.

 

"Hey. So, Late..we're late? Where are we going?"

 

We drove for a bit. For a while actually and in a direction I had never been. I rolled the window down and began to breathe in the crisp cool country air. We hadn't talked since we left the city and the only sounds coming from either of us was the occasional singing along to the words from her iPod, connected laxly to the radio--88.7.

 

"What's your name, man?" She said,

 

"Oh, its James."

 

"James? Like the demigod of fertility. James?"

 

"Yeah, I've heard that. No. I'm not a demigod."

 

"So, you're not the demigod of fertility?"

 

"Nope. Sorry, love."

 

"What are you then?"

 

"Saint James. Of the clouds..."

 

"Of the clouds, huh?"

 

"Of the clouds..."

 

"So, who are you and where are you taking me?"

 

"We are almost there."

 

She turned her music up and I listened, against my will, as some unknown woman drove me to some unknown place in the darkest slopes of the North Western New York woods.

 

"Do you believe in God?" She asked.

 

"Did you drive me all the way out into upstate New York to take me to some cult religious ceremony? Am I your sacrifice?"

 

"You'll have to wait and see. But, in all seriousness, do you believe in God?

 

"Kind of." I said.

 

"Kind of? What the hell does that mean? Kind of..."

 

"What's your name?"

 

"What?"

 

"Your name. What is your name?

 

She lazed. "It's Elir." "Elir? That's an interesting name."

 

"Yes, Elir, I do believe in God. But, not exactly as it is normally perceived. I don't think we were created in the image of God from a physical perspective...I believe it to be more like an emotional perspective, you know?"

 

She offered a bit of a dazed look

 

"...Ok, so people tend to view God as the creator, right?

 

"Yeah...I guess," She said.

 

"Yes. Ok, well I believe that God is the act of creation. As if our collective consciousness makes up the being that we call God."

 

"Yeah. I see. That's pretty cool. So would you say that you're Christian, then?"

 

"No. I don't disagree with Christianity as its written, in a metaphorical sense, but every one of us is essentially god incarnate. Creating our own worlds. I believe that Jesus, existed, as a man who was capable of understanding and accepting something that others were incapable of at the time. I think he believed it so passionately that he tried by any means to introduce the people around him to this love. He realized, however, that most people were not capable of accepting it and as a result he attempted to explain it in a way that could be translated in relation to ourselves, but ultimately his words were taken literally and lost in that translation. And now we all know the result of that miscommunication."

 

"Yeah. Um, that's kind of intense."

 

"So, where are we going? I've never been out here."

 

"To a cult religious ceremony at which you will be playing the part of our sacrifice out in the Catskills."

 

"I f*****g knew it! Could you just let me out here?"

 

"Here!? In the middle of the Catskill mountains?"

 

"I like the Catskills."

 

"I thought you said you've never been here?"

 

"I haven't. I'll figure it out. I think I've seen an episode or two of Man vs. Wild. I'm set. Here is good."

 

She laughed, never actually letting me out of the car. Several minutes later we pulled into the drive of a small cabin, with only a small amount of ambient light creeping through. We walked up to the door. Elir opened it and walked in. I followed. There were four or five lit candles, a guitar, a banjo and a djembe. There were several bottles of wine and even more glasses throughout the room...

 

"Do you play?" someone asked, hinting at the corner of the room to a lonely guitar leaning impatiently against the wall. Walking to the guitar I picked it up and found a seat on a couch in the circle.

 

I woke up before everyone else and noticed the cabin was sitting nicely on a hill overlooking a valley, the sun was beginning to rise in the horizon shinning brilliantly over the trees in the valley. It was gorgeous. Elir was sitting next to me on the porch as the sun cleared the horizon. I just smiled at her. I didn't say anything and neither did she. It was a good moment and I could appreciate her recognizing that. She stood with the noises of people beginning to move around and walked inside, I didn't move. As she was opening the door I thanked her for bringing me here. Elir paused for a moment but said nothing and closed the door behind her. Forty five minutes later we were gathering for a hike through the catskills. A silent hike. No one was allowed to say anything until we would meet at a picnic table at the end. The only question that was asked was, "What did you hear?"

 

Elir said, "footsteps."

 

On the drive back we sang along to her iPod saying very little, if anything that I can recall, to each other. I did ask as we approached the city why she had stopped me.

 

"Do you know what my name means? In Hebrew..."

 

"Nope."

 

"My God is my, SECRET."